[quote=@Kingfisher] I feel like I need mothering alot, so I'm worried I am/will turn into one of those lazy arseholes. I'm alot more dependant on other people then I'd like, which I guess is why I'm taking this break-up so badly. That sounds awful :/ I can't imagine what that'd be like o.O hopefully I find a meaningful relationship in the near-future, and not two years time. I do the joke thing alot too. I sort of use it as a cry for help, but I feel like people just tend to go 'haha funny joke' and assume that everything's okay, without thinking about the deeper implications, which I suppose is my fault for not outright admitting that I'm not okay. Although when I do ask for help, it dosen't seem to work. I text my ex telling her that I might have broken my neck and her response was 'Good. Now you can't be with other girls', and its things like that which have made me abit paranoid and reluctant to ask for help. I'm really sorry to hear that :( Hopefully one day enough will be enough, and you won't feel like you need to clean up after him anymore. Acknowledging the problem is the first step, and it seems like we're both able to do this. You've acknowledged that your daughter's father is a bad prescence in both of your lives, and I've ackonwledged that my ex is a bad prescence in my life. I guess we both need to figure out how to stick to our guns and try and cut them out. Anyone who treats you this badly, and dose things like steal your life savings, dosen't deserve to be allowed access to your daughter, and to potentialy have an influence on her. I'm glad that your thoughts of self-harm have passed, that's a whole new can of worms which can really just make everything seem so much more awful. I get thoughts about hurting people close to me too sometimes (alot more than I'd like) but they're just thoughts at the end of the day, and no matter how much they make us hate ourselves I think everyone gets them. You're not whining at all! saying that we can't be sad because other people have it worse is like saying we can't be happy because other people have it better. Everyone has their own struggles, and that dosen't make what we're going trough any less serious or important. I'm not doing as well as I'd like, without being too melodramatic. I want to start a new page, and not just find someone else to love but also find ways to take care of myself, and become more self-sefficent. I'm still in Hospital right now, but I should be starting cognitive behavioural therapy soon, which I'm hoping will help. How about you? Are you coping? Oh, I'm 17, 18 in December. D'you mind if I ask how old you are? [/quote] You can be lazy without being an asshole, though. Some people just are. My new boyfriend is sort of lazy, too, but he does the things I ask him to do to help around the house without (much) complaint. I don't really mind doing most of the work, since I really am very mothering by nature and always have been. Whenever he wants to be nice and cook dinner, I just sort of swoop in a take over without really meaning to ("Let me do that for you, it's much faster if I do it" or "Here, I'll do that. I'm better at it and it really needs to be done right"). I feel like those two years by myself (and after a couple of months, my daughter) really did something for me in the terms of understanding my [i]own[/i] needs and not being so dependent on others as I used to be. I've always been terrified of hurting others and put everyone else and their needs ahead of my own (part of being motherly, I guess). When I was just me, there was no one for me to mother, so I was a bit more about what [i]I[/i] wanted to do. I think I really needed that. Maybe you should just take some time to yourself, as well, and not worry so much about finding that next big love, but more on who [i]you[/i] are. You're still young and have plenty of time to find that special someone and sure, you gotta pull the weeds to really see the flowers, but you need to know what you really want before you can find it. I found that whenever I had I bad thought and felt like I wanted to hurt myself, I just thought of all the goods things I have in my life and sometimes it helped a bit. I thought about my family and how awesome they are and how much they'd miss me if I offed myself and all the things I'd miss out on in my future; such as finding that "true love", getting married, having (more) kids - 'cause I wanna have a billion of them - and living that whole happily ever after that my parents have finally reached after 30 years of uphill. I mean, if they can do it, so can I, right? Maybe you can do something of the same? Just think of a future that isn't glum and filled with abandonment and betrayal? I'm 23, so I'm still at that stage in my life where I'm transitioning from teenager to adulthood. It's the perfect time for drama and intrique :lol