[hr] [center][img]https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/562115731131596800/wpRzbWy7.jpeg[/img][/center] [hr] [b]24:00, Date Unknown, Vlatavian Airspace, Experimental Stealth Gunship[/b] [color=yellow][i]So...when exactly are we going to stop doing...[b]that?[/b][/i][/color] The activity in question involved a pair of matching semi-automatic pistols and more specifically consisted of Deadpool cuddling them against his chest and face as if he had somehow gotten a duo of lethal firearms confused with perhaps, a basket full of adorable orphaned kittens. [color=red]"Did you two miss Daddy?~ Because Daddy missed you! Yes he did!~ Oh yes he did!~ Daddy's never going to let the mean ol' fat lady take you away from him ever again!~ Oooh we're going to have so much fun together!~ Daddy's gonna have you shoot sooooo many different things: Nazis, terrorists, army guys, maybe even some science projects!~" [/color] This had been going on for long enough that even Deadpool's own inner voice was starting to find it somewhat disturbing, at least after the first fifteen minutes or so. [color=yellow][i]Cut that out! We're embarrassing ourselves in front of all the other ruthless killers! Besides, We barely even remember what we name those things more than twice in a row![/i][/color] [color=red][i]I do too! We named them Harpo and Groucho! Wait...Bonnie and Clyde...no no Mary-Kate and Ashley...or was it...Bea and Arthur! Final Answer Bea and Arthur![/i][/color] [color=yellow] [i]...Actually I think a few days ago we decided on Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch...[/i][/color] At this Deadpool jumped bodily out of his seat and didn't even seem to notice he was angrily waving his guns around in the air. [color=red]"DAMMIT MARK WAHLBERG!"[/color] Before he could put a hole in the plane in his frustration, Wade found himself shoved roughly back into his seat by Rick Flagg, then forcibly strapped in by the ARGUS agent before the Captain returned to his own seat. "We don't have time for another one of your outbursts, Wilson. We're dropping into the infiltration zone any minute and the ship only has a tiny window to pass over the target area undetected. The last thing I need is you missing the drop or blowing a hole through one of the other cons heads before we even start..." The statement was met with a snort of derision from Warhawk, who otherwise barely seemed to notice that a gun had been waved in his face. "If'n the bo' shot himself in the head it'd probably [i]improve[/i] him! At least we'd git him to shut up fer a minute!" [color=yellow][i]Seriously, what IS that accent supposed to be? I can never figure it out! It's totally faked right...[/i][/color] "[b]un[/b]fortunately for the rest of us a bullet to the head is unlikely to have any real effect. Deadpool's brain is capable of regenerating from a cleanly made headshot in under six seconds...if the bullet were to lodge in his skull however-" [color=aqua]"We're all upset by Mark Wahlberg's career path, but 's'no excuse for random gun violence Wade." [/color] [color=yellow][i]We did overreact a little...Maybe we could look a little more sane by apologizing or-[/i][/color] Just then a flashing red light and the blare of a klaxon alarm cut off everyone's various trains of thought, and if that wasn't enough of a conversation killer the straps of their chairs pulled them all back tightly against the seats before sealing them in what looked like miniature coffins of steel and hi-tech glass. [color=red]"Well, this ain't ominous..."[/color] and then they dropped. [color=red]"WHEEEEE-HEE-HEEEEEEEEE!~ TOWER OF TERROOOOOOOOR!"[/color] It was sort of like a roller-coaster, minus any rails or safety features or intention of amusement in any way. Not that it lessened Deadpool's enjoyment even a bit as he rushed toward the ground at ludicrous speed from high altitude in a tiny metal and glass box. [color=yellow] [i]You do realize the end of this is probably break like all of our bones right?[/i][/color] [color=red][i]Nah! You'll see, any second now this thing's parachute is gonna deploy just in time to prevent me from being injured![/i][/color] The rest of the Squad's pods did in fact deploy sophisticated parachutes to slow them down. Deadpool's pod on the other hand... [color=red][i]Aaaany second now...Come on...any second...[/i][/color] As the ground loomed uncomfortably close and his speed only increased, Wade gained a certain measure of clarity. Yes...yes, it was becoming all too obvious to him now... This was [i][b]really[/b][/i] going to hurt. [color=red]"MOMMY-[h3]*SMASH!*[/h3][/color] When Deadpool next came to after half of his body finished reassembling itself from shards of bone, glass, metal and meat-jelly, it was to the concerned expression of Copycat and the voice of Amanda Waller in his earpiece. [color=royalblue]"-and that's for all the times you referred to me as 'The Fat Lady'. Now get up and get a move on Wilson."[/color] [color=aqua]"I know we're expendable to her, but she didn't have to go that far...you okay Wade?"[/color] He took her offered hand as he stood up, checking his equipment and finding it thankfully unscathed. [color=red]"Whatever, she knows I can take it and give back better is all. Now...why were we here again? We're picking up freshly made Кулич, right? Man it's been a while, hope they have chocolate frosted! But seriously, will Waller's ravenous hunger never be satisfied?"[/color] At this Captain Flagg cut in once again. "Deadpool you idiot! Did you not ONCE listen to the briefings?" "Well honestly when your big, propaganda poster-looking mug opens up I generally just hear this big campy version of the ARGUS themesong..." Flagg sighed in a mix one-part frustration he couldn't afford to deal with and one part world-weary cynicism, pointing at the MASSIVE structure of cement, barbed wire and flood lights. The Vlatavian Nationalist Army's most infamous prison, not that Deadpool had bothered to learn it's name. "We're here to break into THAT and extract Count Vertigo! He has information on a several HYDRA cells including one suspected of successfully infiltrating here in the Latverian Union itself. Right now while I'm stuck here explaining this to you AGAIN, Deadshot's moving around this clearing getting into position with Warhawk to assault the rear-" [color=red] "HA!"[/color] "-While Copycat uses the distraction to morph into one of the penitentiary guards and extract Vertigo. Now, you and I are going to-[b]ARGUS!~ BEST OF THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST OF THE BRIGHT! ALL THOSE WHO DO WRONG SHOULD FEAR OUR MIGHT! ARGUS!~-[/b] Deadpool had already started just walking toward the massive steel prison gates before his mind had even replaced Rick Flagg's boooring words with patriotic singing, striding confidently across the ground as the floodlights trained on him and the occasional probing but mostly ceremonial bullet was fired his way. [color=yellow][i]Seriously? We know that's not what he's actually saying right, and that Waller can still remotely shut us down at pretty much any time? Also seriously? [b]Our[/b] plan is...what right now? Walk right through the front door?[/i][/color] But Waller was either confused enough or curious enough about his plan, because he didn't drop unconscious in the next few seconds. Instead, Wade Wilson walked up to one of the most notorious military prisons in Eastern Europe and knocked right on a small entry door, waiting expectantly. Sure enough after a few minutes of confused mumblings from the other side a slit slid away with a hiss and a pair of eyes peered through. Clearing his throat theatrically Deadpool launched into his best Vlatavian, at least as he remembered it through his days as a mercenary here fighting for...which faction was it again? Who even remembered after the fifth civil war... [color=red]"Ша нщг фку куфвштп ершы нщг рфму ещщ ьгср ешьу щт нщгк рфтвы!"[/color] A cry of wordless rage erupted from behind the door and it was flung open, only for the enraged soldier on the other side to be met with a bullet between the eyes at close range. His stunned fellows reached for assault rifles and sidearms as their protocol breaching associate slumped to the floor, but Deadpool only charged in gripping his two katana, shouting the old battlecry he'd used the last time he was in their country. "Deadpool шы фцуыщьу фтв нщг ырщгдв фдд ыгсл ршы ргпу ****!" The entryway was significantly redder when everything was over, and Deadpool's pajamas had an uncomfortable number of new holes in them. [color=red]"I can't believe after all these years, that trick still works!"[/color] [color=yellow][i]It might be weirder if it didn't given what we said.[/i][/color] Deadpool spoke into his earpiece as he strode down the hallway, leaving strawberry jam colored footprints all over the floor. [color=red]"Right, I'm in and believe me it definitely looks more like a rogue super-villain attack than government work now! I'm gonna go find Count Chocula unless you guys grab him first! Also hey Deadshot, feels like old times right? Me, you, a battlefield full of Eastern European nobodies! How many times did you shoot me before I got lucky anyways? Speaking of, you and ol' shiny-skin over there ever get to talkin' about his wife? Man, she was a riot!" There, that ought to put some fire under the B-Team! With luck they'd be back in the U.S. with a biiiig 'Mission Accomplished' Breakfast in no time!