"Hi there, folks, I'm Biff Crenshaw." 

"And I'm Mindy Martriggis, and we're the Formerly Married News Team, reporting for Merit-6 News!" 

"They already know that, Mindy, but thanks for repeating it." 

"Shut up, Biff, you can't tell me what to do." 

"We've got some great stories for you tonight, folks. A bus crash on the highway, a puppy crash in the pet shop, and a whole rain of kittens coming on the weekend. But before that, our top story. Mindy?" 

"Thanks, Biff, you philandering piece of trash! Our top story is a daring daylight robbery of Merit First Financial Bank, perpetrated by a new villain who has arisen to bedevil Merit City. Police report that no calling card was left at the crime scene, which may help narrow down the possibilities."