[quote=@Lugubrious]
<Snipped quote by MULTI_MEDIA_MAN>

Sorry to hear that your weekends aren't all they're cracked up to be.

In my first-ever move of my first-ever game of DnD, I critically failed a check to look for carrots and found pubic lice instead...
[/quote]

A friend of mine was being attacked by a bear in D&D after getting separated from the rest of the group. He was down to his last bit of health. Knowing he was about to die, he used his last turn to try and seduce the bear. He critically failed. It was apparently so bad that the bear was offended and left. That was how he got to live another day.