The rain never seemed to cease in this miserable place. Even inside the ship Quin could hear the ever so faint sound of it striking the roof and walls of the facility. Even more so now that everything and everyone on board had gone silent. Normally she would have been urging them to take flight, get off the planet, find somewhere safer to hide. But she, like everybody else, needed a moment. And the feeling of pressing danger, like somebody biting at their heels, scouring the land for them, it just wasn't there yet. She knew they would need to leave, and soon, but not right this second. The damage had been severe. It would be some time before their victims could gather the recourses to hunt them. That and somehow she just had a sense about these things. A sense developed over a decade of walking the edge between life and death.

Quin walked down the loading ramp into the chilled air and steel echoes. The fresh wafting scent from outside cleared her lungs and her head already. Though she snuggled down into her light jacket to keep warm. Then she took her time walking the length of the cavernous room to a short hallway that wound its way to a door that lead to an inconspicuous back door. When she got there she slowed even more and examined the door closely. It was ajar. A cold sliver of light cast an eerie glow on the corridor.

She investigated with caution. It had not been forced open, but the locking mechanism looked like it had been damaged. The hinges were warped in the wrong direction and the mechanism had been torqued outward. Like something heavy had collided with it from the inside... Or slammed it shut. Quin lightly pulled it open with a long, hollow creak. The water and mud came up to the top of the step and lead out to an overgrown trail that disappeared into the thick, swampy forest. She looked for other paths or for some kind of assailant or movement, but found none. The foliage and swamp had pressed itself right to the walls in all other directions. 

She stepped out to feel the water on her skin. She had not been able to enjoy it earlier this morning in her focused fervor. In only moments the rain drops were dripping down the back of her neck into her shirt and off the tip of her nose while her hair began to stick to her face in wavy strands. Quin stretched and breathed deeply. She was still shaking off the shock. She just couldn't rid herself of the anxiety.

Quin rolled out her neck and her eyes stuck to something interesting in the mud. Tracks. She knelt to get a closer look. They followed the trail into the forest, spread out in a sprint, barefoot, somewhat humanoid. With a sigh she put her hands on her knees and stood up. Then she took the trail at a walk, following the tracks with her hands in her pockets.

It was nearly half an hour before Quin stopped and settled down comfortably in the tangled roots of a large, sprawling tree. She was soaked through and through. Luckily the rain struggled to get through the thick canopy here. At first she only stared at her hands in her lap.

"When you serve under the Republic there's no room for anything else. You don't think for yourself, you take orders. For all their preaching about peace, righteousness and benevolence in the galaxy our beloved Republic is anything but forgiving. For us, anything short of flawless, surgical execution was akin to failure. There was no adventure, there was no companionship, no pleasure, no color. There was only work. Our sworn duty to the Republic. It was so easy. You could just turn off your heart and soul and let your brain run through what they had taught you over and over and over again. You didn't have to be human. You could steal, murder, kidnap, torture... And it only kept you up at night for a little while. It wasn't your problem. It was the person's giving the orders." she said, "This... Being out here with nobody who can tell you what to do or where to go or who to be with... This is hard. You have to call all the shots on your own. You have to be responsible for your survival and desires. When you fail, you don't fail some faceless government. You fail yourself and people you care about. You lose things you love. You never stop losing sleep over it."

Somewhere a creature croaked loudly, calling out through the storm. Quin took a moment to catch her breath and collect her thoughts. She supposed she was waiting for something, though she knew she shouldn't be.

"The point is, part of me thinks it would rather run a cheese grater over my face than be in the same room with someone so out of control," she grumbled, "... But the other part envies you. I guess that part of me wanted to be you. At first I was so disgusted with myself the very thought made me sick. I wanted to beat you down and put you in your place like a good little soldier, but now I understand. You constantly relinquish control and perfectionism for adaptability and somehow come out on top. You fit in, you make friends wherever you go, you treat mistakes like lessons... Or at least... you used to. Those things you said back there... That sounded like something that I should have been saying. Not you. I'm sorry I picked you to take out my frustration on. And I'm sorry I decided to leave Zen behind... I was... Afraid. For all the times this miserable crew has almost been a smear on the cosmic windshield I thought this would be the one that actually did us in."

There was a rustling from high above her head and the sound of claws digging into the bark. 

"I couldn't let that happen. It's not just Nyrette. She may have started it, but it's not just her. It's everybody. Not one of you has turned their back on me yet or left me to die or let me spend the night black out drunk in some alley... Even though I probably would have let you all rot. I've never had real family before. I never thought I wanted one, but now I don't know what I'd do if I lost it." 

Several dislodged twigs and pieces of wood tumbled down the trunk into the system of roots before Iisska dropped down beside her. He nestled into a good spot, boots laced together and draped over his shoulder, muddy toes gripping the roots, just as soaked as Quin.

"Family really sucks that way, huh?" he snorted.

She smiled just a little and nodded.

"Now would be a good time to throw me in the swamp and run back to the ship," she added a few moments later.

"No... No I'm not gonna do that. I didn't really mean... The anger... er, whatever that was. Fuck, I dunno. You said it. That wasn't really me talking back then," he said.

"I get it," she replied.

"I'm sorry. I..." he shrugged and put his face in his hands, "I shouldn't have said that stuff. None of it was true. I don't know why I said that. I don't know why... It all just let loose like... like... something that lets loose and then I couldn't shut up, I just wanted someone or something to suffer like that would make it fixed or some bullshit, but I know you can't fix things like that, I know it doesn't help and I think the word I was looking for was volcano, but it all turned out alright even though I fucked it up and--"

"Breathe! Breathe,"Quin stopped him, "It's fine. I know you didn't mean it. That kind of thing happens in high stress situations. Just calm down, alright? I forgive you."

"How do you do that?" his voice was muffled as he buried his head further into his arms, "Give whole pretty speeches with lessons and feelings and shit? I mean, damn. How are you always so... so... put together? Comin' out here looking all... like that after all that and you're just... just like that."

"Iisska..."

"I saw my reflection a few days ago and I jumped out of my skin because I thought someone stowed away on the ship... I didn't recognize myself... Now I don't even recognize my words or thoughts. I don't feel like me. You want to learn to give up control? Not having enough to even keep yourself together is just as bad as having your fucking shits scheduled by the Republic."

"It's not easy. Believe me. I know how it feels. The amount of terrible things you've managed to survive makes you one in a billion. Coming from someone who has seen her fair share of people lose it in the face of adversity, I'd say you've done remarkably well. As for the lengthy monologues and keeping myself in one gorgeous piece, well that's just talent."

Iisska groaned at her.

"I'm sorry," she chuckled, "Iisska, you're still you. Maybe the you that fell into the wrong end of a wood chipper, but still you. I'm not going to blame you for cracking a little under pressure. Nobody is. Now, if you want to start putting yourself back together then I recommend comming back to the ship with me, getting off the planet before the HKs find us and taking a little vacation. Maybe we find you a girl and some drink and you blow off some steam. And maybe you come talk to me if you start feeling like this again. Okay?"

"Okay."

Iisska sniffed hard and stood up before giving Quin a hand.

"Just not the girl part," he added. 

"What? Why not? I know a good one. She's--"

"Just, don't. I'm not so comfortable around... I just don't usually ever... I mean I used to. You know. All the time. With women. And I was good at it too... That stuff..."

"Oh? You-- Oh. OH! Holy shit! No way!"

"Hey! Don't even start! What!?"

"You're absolutely a--"

"NO!"

"It's all over your face! This is priceless!"

"No! Quin, please. Just shut up about it, please. We never talked about it. Got it?"

"Fine, fine. My lips are sealed."