[@liferusher] That isn't pathetic. I'm not a very expressive person most of the time. But I've had a breakdown in public before which surprised everyone, including myself. I had no I had such repressed emotions at that point. It did give me the chance to let it out though. This was shortly before the story below. Because the events leading up to it weighed heavy on me as well.

There are those in my family that have trouble with depression. Cousins, uncle, my own mother. If anything it's taught me that you can't keep sweeping it under the rug and you can't do it on your own. My mom worried about the future. Her future, my and my siblings future, where she was going for eternity. But what bothered her wasn't something that had just came out of nowhere. Unbeknownst to everyone these were things that she had been struggling with since she was a teenager. And rather than deal with it she pushed it aside by keeping herself occupied with things she enjoyed and taking on more projects to hide what was really the problem. It was her way of dealing with the symptoms rather than addressing the problem. What we all saw was a mask. That everything was all fine, getting better even. We didn't recognize what was mania at the time. The high before the crash. And when she did come down it was scary because we didn't know what to do. Her mind went down a dark path and she was forced to face what had plagued her for decades. 

She is better now, not the same, but better. It was a very rough time and it took the better part of a year before she was emotionally stable. She worked through the underlying problem and doesn't needlessly worry about what will happen or where she's going. I know because we talk about it more. Things that were never really brought up before her breakdown. And if something is bothering her then we talk about it. 

I don't believe that just changing up what you do will fix the problem. Boredom alone is one thing, but from what you've said I think there is more. That is just a bandaid. My mother tried that for years and she will tell you that only works for so long. Find someone who will listen. Someone that will speak in earnest because I can bet you that the journey will not be pleasant. But better you let it out now than me undone when you may not be able to cope later. I've seen the effects and it is not worth the temporary fix.