[quote=@Satoshi Kyou]
[@Ammokkx]honored to hear that but i did take 3 days to make this post, and i think this kinda counts as Hayate having brother issues huh...? then again i never mentioned their relationship with each other in my history so i can go with it

the way i did their history really gave me a lot of room to play with... because vagueness
[/quote]

You're getting a lot better. You don't need to borderline Advanced like I do, but that is still pretty good. Less grammatical errors especially with his/her and he/she. I usually do a thorough proofread to make sure that I didn't make any errors before I submit my posts and that's always a good approach. 

Still some work for improvement, but that is by far one of your best posts I've seen and this coming from someone has a lot of experience when it comes to writing since I was a part of the old Roleplayer Guild. Though when it comes to thoughts or giving impressions you need to use something to differentiate that from the rest of the text. It's still an expression of thought that needs something so readers can tell that it's not part of the narrative part of the context.

Yes, that's a compliment from even me.