[quote=@Dead Cruiser] Alright, so I had a [i]hell[/i] of a day, and now I've finally got the time to sit down and properly review your [s]shitty[/s] wonderful character sheets. [i][Cracks neck, severs own spine][/i] Let's do this. So, there's a lot going on here. I'm going to break it down piece by piece, but I generally feel that you didn't really make an effort here. I'll explain in more detail as follows. First of all: the name. You can't expect me to buy this. Even if it wasn't one of the most widely-used (and strangely ill-fitting in this case) pseudonyms in pop culture, it really has nothing to do with his thematics or backstory. The personality isn't too bad. I cringed a bit when I saw the word "sociopath," expecting something ghastly misunderstood, but you do seem to grasp what an actual sociopath is (though I still recommend looking up Antisocial Personality Disorder). He's machiavellian and scheming, which is interesting if you can pull it off, but I'd like to see a little more depth here. What else drives him? Pride? A deeply-buried insecurity over who he really is? The history is where things kind of fall apart, because it feels lazy to me. The amnesia and first killing seems like it was written so you didn't actually have to think of a true backstory for him just yet. In any case, I consider the idea of an assassin's guild existing after the fall of essentially every major society kind of illogical; assassins are a political tool mostly, and politics have become largely irrelevant in the Age of Dawn. But you know, with a little reworking, we can keep most of your character's schtick. I can see him having contracted amnesia much later in life, perhaps as a grizzled veteran warrior. He could become some sort of enigmatic, wandering warrior, [i]à la[/i] the Man with No Name, or [i]Yojimbo[/i]. He would do well to gain a little humanity if you take this route, perhaps just as effective a killer, but somewhat remorseful and sympathetic toward innocents. Food for thought. His journey I like, a quest to regain his past is interesting. But again, I think it would be a more moving quest if there was more of his past to learn. Where did he learn his skills as an assassin? What sort of man was he before? That sort of thing. Think about it. His values need a lot of work. "He has none," is not an acceptable answer. Now, I am willing to accept such answers as "death, nihilism, greed, self-determination," which do actually seem to be you character's tenants and motivators. All in all, this looks pretty good. The only major issue is that his backstory doesn't really sync up with the timeline, as mentioned earlier by [@HisofHugs] (thank you, by the way). A large issue is that the capital of Thule (in the province of Nemedia) was [i]utterly devastated[/i] by the Scourge. To the point that if Marcus carried the epithet of "the Nemedian," it would be impressive. The other important point is that by the end of the Years of Dusk, Thule had already balkanized. It was actually the first nation to collapse, in the sixth year of the Years of Dusk. I really apologize that this kind of ka-fucks your whole backstory, which was really quite good, but even if you don't think it be like it do, it is. I otherwise quite like Marcus and the rest of your CS, and look forward to what you can come up with. Alright, so we've discussed this a little bit already, so we aren't treading too much new ground here. First, I think Khalaevna is a little young for what she's accomplished. I could more believably see her as being in her mid-twenties or so. Secondly, about her appearance. [i]Cough.[/i] The photograph (which I specifically advised against, mind) is a bit too modern for me. I recommend finding a new image if you still wish to use one. Also, while I acknowledge your preference for, eh, [i]a particular aesthetic[/i], and respect your dedication to it, here's a little food for thought. It was very difficult to gain weight in a premodern society like people do now. This is due to the lack of refined sugars and simple carbohydrates in the average person's diet. A nobleperson could conceivable have access to these luxuries, as well as to a large amount of red, fatty meat, which could fatten them up a bit. However, these amenities are scarce at best in the Age of Dawn, particularly to a queen of barbarians. Just think about it for me. So, as I basically understand it, Thalzamaria was basically one of the balkanized states of Thule that set up soon after the Years of Dusk, and claimed swaths of land in northern Thule and Lemuria. Calling them an "empire" is a bit generous, as in such uncivilized times empires are a somewhat outdated concept. The Kongu were a reasonably-large Lemurian tribe that Thalzamaria came into frequent conflict with. This is how I've interpreted your descriptions, and if I'm getting them wrong in some way, this is the way that they would best fit into the setting. Other than that I have no issues. Khalaevna's goal is to conquer the South with her barbarian horde. Sure, that's fine, but I'd put some thought into whether she just wants to pillage the land or actually rule it. Could be a plot point later. Now, here's the thing with her ideals. Her current ones are fine, but I could see us adding in such concepts as excess, debauchery and corruption. Remember our good friend [url=https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Slaanesh]Slaanesh[/url]? Something like that. I'd happily bend on the issue of aesthetics if we did this, and I'll conspire with you a bit on some later plans for the plot. Other than that, Khalaevna is fine. I like her sword. I hope that it's evil as hell, made by crazy-ass Northmen. Okie dokie. First, I can assure you that Dominions and I are drawing our inspiration from the same source: the pulp-fantasy writings of Robert E. Howard, who basically invented the Swords and Sorcery genre. Anyway, on to Emily. She's great, I like her a lot. I was honestly hoping for a character like her: a gutsy, lonesome female warrior. I just have a couple of notes. First of all, I think she would do well with a big gun. When reading her CS I couldn't help but think of this artwork from Lamentations of the Flame Princess [url=http://www.triskellian.com/badger/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/blogger-image-408257184.jpg](here's your Trigger Warning for those of you sensitive to gore)[/url]. If you want to give her a handcannon, that's up to you, but I think she's the ideal person to have one out of our characters so far. The only other thing is that I feel like we could tack onto her ideas, "Independence," "Hunters," and "Purity." Like I said, they can be values [u]or embodiments[/u], and Emily makes me think of one of the maiden huntswomen of Artemis. That said, everything checks out. Like HfH said before, your backstory didn't need much adjustment. So, the Atlantean home territories (which they had been reduced to by the Years of Dusk) were mostly comprised of large cities surrounded by fiefdoms ruled by lesser lords, who were beholden to the Princes of the various poleis, who in turn were beholden to the King of Atlantis. Despite the depreciated state of Atlantis, they held out well against the plague, the mutants and the Lemurians. The conspiracy that toppled them from within brought the whole house of cards tumbling down. The poleis were toppled, and the nation was basically left defenseless after that. Unlike the former territories of Thule and Iiram, things have been steadily getting worse where Atlantis once was. The beastmen and northmen encroach even further southward, and Lemurians creep in from the East. While in the early years of the Age of Dawn it was possible for the average peasant to live in relative peace, the lack of structure is now screwing them over the worst, as they're basically completely defenseless to the horrors that the other empires bore the brunt of in the Years of Dawn. It's basically become a no-man's land, and many surviving Atlanteans have packed up and left. Does that answer your question? [@Flagg] I'll reserve formal judgement of your character until he is complete, but I will say this much: first, I would prefer art over photographs (and I'm willing to help track down a suitable picture if need be), and second [i]be mindful of the timeline,[/i] as Thule had already collapsed by the time Othman was born. You wouldn't consider, perhaps, making him out to be the leader of some auxiliary force on Atlantis, perhaps? Just a thought. [/quote] I did some heavy editing, basically a total overhaul. Got rid of the memory loss, sorry for the crappy writing the first go around. I wrote it when I was very tired and it wasn't my first character sheet of the night, should be alot better now.