Kylie’s jab at Olivia being a snitch and the dirty look she gave her didn’t really bother Olivia; she just rolled her eyes as a reply. Growing up with that many siblings you learned to ignore dumb remarks and pick your battles. Olivia stood up and walked into the kitchen. She paced back and forth in front of the fridge for a short moment, until she gave in and opened it. She looked at the tupperwares full of leftovers. Olivia crinkled her nose at the spaghetti, pancakes, tuna casserole, and mashed potatoes sitting on the shelves inside. She added up all the carbohydrates and calories in disgust. She glanced at the assortment of juice, pop, and junkfood and frowned. She was fending for dinner herself tonight, so she opted for one rolled up piece of sliced turkey, four celery sticks with peanut butter, and a handful of almonds. Placing her choices on the counter she closed the fridge, and poured herself a tall glass of ice water. Then with her dinner in hand she made her way upstairs to her room, bypassing Zoey in the living room who was happily texting her friends on her phone. 

She set her food and water down on the desk, and sighed. She really did feel bad about her behavior today, and wanted to apologize, but speaking up was not something she felt confident about. She got the idea to write them each a letter, like she uses to do when she was little and still learning how to write.  Opening up a notebook she ripped a piece of paper out, grabbed a pen and started writing, as she nibbled at her almonds. It was not hard to write once she got going, and her letters ended up as more of a deeply depressing diary entry on how she hated herself, that everything was all her fault, she missed her parents, and was sorry for ruining everyone lives. Once she was finished writing them, she reread, and then crumpled up the papers. She buried them in the bottom of the trash next to the desk, and started on simpler apology letters.  

[Hider=Sophia]
[color=A9D0F5][i]Dear Sophia,

I know you are disappointed in me. I am disappointed at myself. I’m sorry that you are stuck as my legal guardian. I wish that I could just grow up faster so you could live your life. I want you to know that I love you so much, and I am sorry. It’s not Kylie or Zoey’s fault that I messed up, because I made the choice to participate in today’s events. I really am sorry, and I will not ever smoke pot again. 

Love, Ollie[/i][/color] [/hider]
[hider=Kylie]
[color=A9D0F5][i]Dear Kylie,

I’m sorry that I told Riley to come get me at the mall. I was just kind of freaking out and didn’t know what else to do. I don’t ever want to get you in trouble like that again. I just wanted to go home. I was so happy when you took me out of school early for a shopping spree with you and Zoey. I messed it all up because I just was upset. You were just being a little bossier then normal, I just really did not want to wear that outfit, and it all kind of overwhelmed me. I don’t know if you ever noticed but I am not as confident or pretty as you are. Also I was already kind of on some pills before I smoked the pot so I don’t know if that was part of the problem. I wish I could be more like you, but I really just can’t. I understand that it will take time to forgive me; I mean we all almost went to jail, but I just want you to know I love you Kylie. You have always been the sister I looked up to most, and I think that’s because you are the exact opposite of me.  Forgive me.

Love, Olivia[/i][/color] [/hider]
[hider=James]
[color=A9D0F5][i]Dear James,

I know you will always be there for me, and I just want you to know that I will always be there for you too. I’m sorry I messed up today, and that you and Sophia almost had to bail everyone out of jail. I hate that I make things harder for you when I do something stupid like today.  You do so much for our family, and I don’t contribute anything but doing my assigned chores, and sometimes help at the restaurant, but hardly since being a hostess is a job a monkey could do. I just don’t really know what to do anymore, everything is terrible and I hate school more than anything else. Its my fault mom and dad are dead. If I hadn’t of lied and gone to that party. If I hadn’t called them to pick me up then they would still be alive and everything would be ok. I keep messing up, and I am sorry because I love you, I love the whole family, but I ruined it. If there was some way to fix it I would do anything.   

Love, Ollie [/i][/color][/hider]
[hider=Riley] 
[color=A9D0F5][i]Dear Riley,

Will you forgive me for today? I know it was a complete disaster, and I am disappointed in myself. Thank you so much for saving me and taking me home. I just haven’t been myself since mom and dad died. I miss them all the time, and everything reminds me of them. I’m afraid that I am going to forget them. Remember Rosie the cat we had when I was little. I hardly remember anything about her, and we had her like my whole life until I was seven, and she died. What if I forget mom and dad? I’m sorry that everything is different now. I love you Rye, so much. Thank you for always taking care of me. Did you know that you’re like a mom sometimes? 

Love, Olivia[/i][/color]  [/hider]
[hider=Zoey]
[color=A9D0F5][i]Dear Zoey,

What happened to us? We use to be best friends, but since you started high school you become selfish and seem to not like me anymore. What have I done or said that makes you not want to be my friends anymore? I am sorry about today and getting everyone in trouble. I was the one that called Riley to come get me at the mall. I’m happy we didn’t all go to jail. Are you mad at me to? I’m sorry for everything. For mom and dad dying. For ruining you yellow shirt last week. For waking you up at night. For being annoying and sad all the time. Everything. I was mad at you today after you left me alone with Riley at the mall, but I know you were high and not really thinking straight right? Sometimes I wish we were still little and could just play barbies all day, and play dress up with moms clothes. 

Love, Olivia[/i][/color] [/hider]
Folding each letter she wrote the recipient names on the back. She placed one on Zoey’s pillow, and then went to each bedroom and slid the letter under the corresponding door. Going down stairs she went down to the basement, and peered into James’s room. He was out so she placed the letter with his name on it, on his bed and lingered for a moment looking over at his closet, which was open. She loved borrowing her brother’s sweaters and hoodies. They were big, warm, and best of all it covered up her boney body. She typically has to borrow his clothes fresh out of the dryer, because James always locked his closet door. She quickly went over to his dresser to barrow his green cable knit sweater that she loved to wear. 

Opening the first drawer of the dresser on the right she was in for a surprise. It was full of woman’s underwear, and some squishy things that looked like boobs. She glanced into the second drawer, and it held some dresses and skirts. Pure confusion was all she felt.  Folded neatly inside the next two drawers was more women’s clothing, and none of it Olivia had ever seen anyone in the house wear before. She picked up the corset. Why did James have a whole dresser of girl’s clothes in his closet, and fake eyelashes? Did he have a secret girlfriend that slept over or something? Olivia raised her eyebrows and shoved the corset back in the drawer. She had no clue, but she really hoped he was not secretly a pervert like Riley. 

Curious now she opened the other dresser to the left, she found it full of James’s clothes he wore all the time. Spotting the green sweater she pulled it on.  She clumsily closed all the drawers, and then walked to the door. Turning back she stared at the closet, and in the back of her mind she knew she had found something she was not meant to. She opened the door to leave, and looked up the staircase. Second guessing herself, she pulled the green sweater off. She folded it and put it back where she found it. Unknowingly leaving the drawer slightly opened, she rushed out of the room and up the stairs. 

She put on her coat, and pink converse. Grabbing her purse off the table she walked out the front door. She didn’t think to ask permission from anyone to go out, since she never had before. She got her old purple bike out of the shed, and after detaching the childish glitter streamers from the handlebars, she hopped on. Olivia rode her bike down the cobblestone pathway that lined the scenic river. She went all the way to the bridge, and her legs burned from peddling so fast. She propped her bike up against the big willow tree, and walked down the incline that led under the bridge. The water had been really low the past few months, and thankfully that meant there was no water covering the rocky river bank. Sitting down, she leaned against the brick wall under the bridge. Olivia yawned and gazed up at the graffiti and faded murals. This was a favorite place she uses to hang out with friends, when she still had them. They would play mermaids, talk about ballet class, and draw with chalk all over the bricks and rocks. She wondered about the clothing in James’s closet, it was a weird thing to find in a 20 year old mans closet, but nothing to dwell on in Olivia opinion. There had to be a regular reason for it. 

Getting her pencils and sketchbook out of her purse she began drawing. About an hour later she had finished her [url= https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/92/5e/c7/925ec75561f30eb1a2df5a3109e45ebb.jpg]drawing[/url]. It was a self-portrait of sorts. It was not really how she saw herself anymore, since it was based off an old doodle from last summer. She put her pencils and sketchbook back in her purse and stood up. She dusted the dirty of her jeans, and walked up to where she left her bike. That’s when she saw Him walking towards her with his sister and mother. He smiled at her, as Mrs. Chadwick waved at Olivia. Taylor had been one of her good friends ever since 1st grade, but as of two months ago they had broken off their friendship after a fight in ballet. Taylor’s older brother was Him. 

His name was Lyle, and he was what haunted Olivia’s nightmares. Olivia held her breath as the little family walked over to her. [i]“Olivia dear, how have you been managing? Are you well? I’m so sorry to hear about your parents. You have not been over to the house in ages. You and Taylor should plan something, I would be glad to drive you girls into the city for some shopping…”[/i] Mrs. Chadwick flittered on and on. Taylor dug her toe into the dirt and awkwardly waited for her mother to shut up so they could go home. [i]“Yeah, Olivia where have you been? Taylor don’t you miss Ollie?”[/i] Lyle said grinning as he spoke, and patting Olivia on the shoulder. Olivia cringed at the use of her nickname coming out of His mouth, and visibly pulled away from his touch. This made him laugh [i]“Whoa, a little jumpy there huh?”[/i] Lyle said putting his arm around Taylor, as he tried to stifle a knowing smile. Lyle was very good looking, and one of the most popular guys in the junior class. He was on the varsity swim team, and everyone seemed to adore him. Why he did what he did to her made no scene. 

She bolted, she couldn’t take it anymore, and so she just turned and ran. She ran as fast as she could, leaving behind her bike. She kept running, and then she slowed down after about a mile and a half. She bent over to catch her breath and then vomited. Dry heaving for moment afterwards, she walked aimlessly down the road, and tried her best to shake the feelings of fear, disgust, anger, and hysteria.  Her hands were shaking and she was sweating. His voice and touch made her remember everything all over again. How he pinned her down and covered her mouth. How he ripped her shirt, and marked her chest and stomach with hickeys. How she hit him over and over again as she tried to scream but he just squeezed her mouth shut tighter. The pain, humiliation, and fear.

Olivia sat down in the tall grass on the side of the road; she had walked all the way to the outskirts of town. She couldn’t do anything to banish the memory so she just let it envelope her. Holding her knees to her chest she cried like the world was ending. She let is all out, and cried so hard she could hardly breathe. Ten minutes later she was hiccuping as she laid in the grass and looked up at the sky. She ran her fingers through the tall blades of grass surrounding her.  Her eyes were red and puffy. The front of her coat was covered in tears. And her shoes were caked in mud, but she felt like she could breathe again, for the first time in forever.