Jane felt a presence join her at the table which made her head snap up, and her voice squeaked as she spoke the first word of the day.

“Hey.” Jane forced a smile.
Austin pulled up a chair directly in front of her and plopped down, his facial expression stern and disappointed. “What happened last night?”
“What do you mean?” Jane asked with a quizzical tone. “Everything’s fine.” 
Austin shook his head. “He doesn’t [i]seem[/i] fine, Jane. I just saw him.”
“I mean, I told him how I felt last night. What I told you. And he was okay with it. I didn’t know – “ 
“J, you’re not the best at reading people. That, or you don’t care to. But, did you seriously think that you could reject him, and then he’d be fine and dandy? Look, I get you want your best friend back. We do, too.  You can’t [i]always[/i] get what you want, though. And I know you usually do. No one can say 'no' to you. That’s probably why you thought he was fine.”
Sam joined the table, catching the end of Austin’s explanation. “Yeah,” he joined in. “I just saw him. He looks upset. Locked himself in his hotel room.”
“Fuck,” Jane groaned as she rested her head in her hands, the blonde messy strands of her hair scattering in each direction. “I didn’t spend all the money I had and work this hard to go on a tour where I’d have to deal with all of this bullshit. I just wanna have fun. I wanna enjoy all the attention we’re getting. I wanna – “
“J,” Austin interrupted. “I get it, man. But that means you gotta make a choice.” 
She looked up to him, knowing what he was going to say.
“You’re gonna have to choose between doing your thing and losing Rob, or compromising and keeping him in your life.”
Sam nodded in agreement with nothing to add.
Jane sighed. “Fuck this.” She stood up and pushed in her chair, looking down at both of the guys. “I’m not doing this today. I’ll be back later.”
Sam spoke up. “J, why are you lying to yourself? We know you– “ 
“No,” Jane blurted. “You don’t know anything. Neither of you.” She sharply replied and left the hotel’s breakfast area. 

She sloppily packed a bag with a change of clothes, her tooth brush, and whatever items she thought she might need for the full day and sat on her bed for a minute. Jane couldn’t process what everyone wanted from her. Why everyone wanted her to change who she was. The band had no qualms with her antics for the past couple years, but now they wanted her to stop while they were supposed to be having the time of their lives? No. Jane wasn’t going to have that. She wasn’t going to let Rob make her feel bad for who she was. Or Austin and Sam. It wasn’t right of them to pick and choose what parts of her they wanted to accept and wanted her to like. No matter what her true feelings were, Jane wasn’t going to let the three of them keep her from doing what she wanted.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later, well into the afternoon, Jane was at her fourth bar of the day. It was dimly lit and attracted a sketchy crowd, but she was having a blast. A group she met two bars ago had joined her on her pub crawl, and they were now all shooting shots of Jameson. She was [i]hammered[/i], but the blow they were providing for her kept her lucid for now.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and her eyes rolled as she read Austin’s name strobing on her screen. [url=https://youtu.be/O-iF4BQ0vjI]Lost by Highly Suspect[/url] was playing over the jukebox, and Jane put a finger in her ear so that she could hear him.

“What?” she answered, obviously unamused already by the conversation about to take place.
“J, where the fuck are you? You’ve been gone for hours. We gotta leave early tomorrow,” Austin replied unforgivingly. 
“Fuck [i]off,[/i] I’ll be back in time,” Jane groaned. Zack, one of the guys she had been flirting with, had walked up behind her and wrapped his hands around her waist and kissed her neck, making her giggle. “Can I go now?”
“Whatever, dude. Bye.” Austin was frustrated, hanging up abruptly. 

Jane sighed in relief and turned around to the man behind her. “Give me another line,” she smirked, and Zack took her hand and led her into a bathroom stall of the run-down bar, and once the drugs made their way inside her, she sighed in relief and looked at him as he did his share. Once they both were satisfied, they laughed, and Zack grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her roughly, pushing her up against the stall wall. Jane obliged for a minute or so, but that ball in her chest that she thought had been washed down with all the alcohol she drank and the overwhelming feeling of guilt crashed over her, taking over all of her senses.

She pushed him away. “I-I’m sorry I can’t.” She wiped her mouth with her forearm and looked up to him, and an angry look took over his previously devious expression.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he nearly yelled, going back to kiss her again, resulting in her using more force to get him off of her.
“I’m serious. I’m sorry, I – “ 
“ – I feed you blow and drinks all day, and you can’t give me anything in return?” He scoffed. “Fuck you.” He stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the stall door behind him, which made Jane jump. As soon as she heard the heavy door swing shut and the music get muffled out, she sank down to the toilet and began sobbing. 

All the parts of what had happened over the past few days had begun to come together like puzzle pieces in Jane’s mind. If Rob truly felt about her the way he had expressed, then maybe he didn’t want her to change. Maybe he was ready to except her the way that she was – wild. It wasn’t like he condemned her in any way when he spoke to her. And there she was, coked out in a men’s restroom stall drunk and crying while she hurt the man who confessed all of his feelings for her. The man that part of her knew would never expect her to want to walk down Main Street hand in hand to pick out furniture, or settle down to raise kids or work in an office. 

And perhaps [i]that[/i] was why he loved her.

“I’m a piece of shit,” she muttered as she hoisted herself up and out of the stall. Jane found a side door that she exited and was immediately blinded by the brightness of the sun setting, and she shielded her eyes as she called a cab to take her back to the hotel. It was only 6:00pm. [i]Jesus, it was only 6:00pm.[/i]

After arriving back to her room, Jane tossed her bag haphazardly and plopped down on the plush bed face first, not bothering to get undressed or make her way under the comforter. Her vision was spinning, and she saw that she had left her door wide open. [i]”Get up, idiot. Close your door.”[/i] But all Jane could work up the energy to do was groan as she stared longingly at it, wishing she would see Rob standing there. She was beginning to come down, which she began to feel the effects of. Depression, self-loathing, guilt, [i]the headache[/i]. Tears began to flood her eyes again as she gripped her hair and pushed her face into the bed, but she eventually fell into a deep sleep, hoping that she’d have more answers for how to handle the situation when she woke up tomorrow.