Cecil felt like he was completely different from the people he had been initially fascinated with and desperately trying to fit in with before, now thrust into a world of uncertainty. He didn’t know where he was supposed to be in the world anymore or how he was supposed to fit in. He was a machine who pretended to be one of them which was probably the most depressing part; it was all just pretend and he couldn’t help it. He must’ve freaked them out a lot when they found out he could emote like they could, even if he didn’t know that it was the wrong thing for a Machina to do. They must’ve been so confused, maybe even scared of him, but that’s not what he ever wanted.

Looking up to Ethan as he tried to counter his argument of differences he frowned slightly, slowly looking down at the ground. He didn’t know what things living people did that was the same as the stuff he did, he needed to find that kind of stuff out by himself. So far he didn’t feel he had enough examples to support that, at least not what he had seen so far in his short life. Slowly looking back up to him he frowned at the mention of a ‘mum’, trying to understand after what he was taught about the concept of parents in regards to what he was telling him. “I’m…not…that different…” he muttered, lowering his head again, “To be angry at who I am…it is not fair…”

Trying to process it through his head he looked back up at Ethan who was trying to explain a way to justify what happened on the boat, trying to relate him to one of his own kind rather than just a machine. A ‘soldier’, that was a new word for him. Someone must’ve been an example of that, maybe somebody he had seen before. He hadn’t seen a dead person other than the ones he had created though killing those men, then there was also the whole thing that Nymira seemed to do. He didn’t think Nymira was a ‘soldier’, seeing how she titled herself differently. Having slight doubts that being a soldier was socially acceptable when he hadn’t seen or heard of any yet he looked to Ethan when he sat in front of him, raising his shoulders momentarily. “I don’t think it’s to protect someone…or-or protect at all. Why would those men be after me if I was a protector? I don’t know if I was killing them to protect or killing them because…because I wanted to…”

While he was confused over what his aim was at that time he glanced over to Amuné when he was asked a question about what he saw, gasping a little before looking down. “I-I-…what I saw…I don’t think it was a vision. I would say something malfunctioning in my memory banks”, he spoke lightly, feeling a little worried, “I don’t know what it was, but it felt familiar…b-but, I don’t know. It didn’t look like me and-…” Nymira quickly interrupted him with her prompt to get moving and how dangerous it was to remain there, staring at her before he sighed and nodded a little. He didn’t want to keep them in danger because he didn’t know what he was. Looking to Ethan’s hand before taking hold of it he pulled himself up to his feet, wobbling a little before trying once more to calm it down so they could get going.

Not particularly feeling like it was important he kept quiet about it for now, hoping to conserve energy to last until the cart. He was feeling nervous about returning to it since it meant he would have to sit near Amuné’s animal, something that would probably throw him off the cart when it went a high speed just to get rid of him. He was definitely feeling very vulnerable to everything right now whether it be breaking something or being attacked by a crazy animal, he felt like the whole world was out to get him right now. He really needed repairs on his head and to see what that chain he absorbed was, especially when it was the cause of his problems.

It didn’t take very long to get to the stables and get to their things, even if it wasn’t everything they owned. The soldiers still had weapons that belonged to them so that was going to have to be something they need to get back eventually. As everything was loaded up again and himself helped up into the back of the cart he carried the same nerves as before, worried that he might end up worse for wear by the end of this. He needed to get basic repairs and hoped Norman was going to be able to do them, just not anywhere near possible trouble considering how long Norman said it would take for him to get to them. The only way he would be able to get repairs was once they finally settled down and weren’t going to move for a long time, but otherwise he was going to have to suffer through this and hope he didn’t suddenly malfunction.