I've defended 13 in literal essay form but I'm not going to do that again. 13-2 was bad and I hate it. Lightning Returns is a real game it's just a real bad Final Fantasy game because it's a damn Valkyrie Profile game. Let's do this shit in order.


Final Fantasy: For what it is it's a fine game and it lays nice groundwork for concepts later in the franchise. But the game peaks real early on when the bridge is fixed and you get your first taste of the now iconic theme. It sits squarely in the lower half of any list.

Final Fantasy 2: This game is an interesting failure. It certainly has a better plot than the first game but that's not exactly high praise. The level up system is deeply flawed though definitely not without merit. It's kind of like the system in an Elder Scrolls game only worse because this game came out in 1988. There are two notable things about this game, its little stab at a conversation system and the fact that a plot point became the basis of an entire mini dungeon in a better Final Fantasy game. 

Final Fantasy 3: Here's the game that should be more remembered for enhancing some of the later series' core concepts. This is the game that introduced the job change system that would be revisited again in FF5 and the first to give more specialized battle commands, and summons, yay. Ultimately FF3 is less of a classic entry into the series and more a historical artifact. The concepts it introduces are done better in later games and there's nothing memorable about the plot.

Final Fantasy 4: This is the first one that I'd say is a great Final Fantasy game because it hits on so much of what makes a Final Fantasy game great, and it isn't the battles. A more character driven affair with actual twists and dramatic weight to the whole thing combined with Uematsu's first great Final Fantasy score makes a game that still holds up to this day. This is a game where you go to the moon in a goddamn whale. Final Fantasy 4 is a landmark title in the JRPG genre and I'd put it firmly in the top five. Not number one. But top five. Just don't play the sequels. Ever.

Final Fantasy 5: It improved the job system from three, made the ATB gauge visible, and that's really it. Oh. It also had Clash on the Big Bridge. I'd say that this is the best implementation of the job system in the series because it's one of the last times in the main series that it actually used deeper customization of jobs. But that's all this game has going for it. A less interesting plot, less interesting characters, and less memorable music than 4. A fine game. But a fine lower half entry. 

Final Fantasy 6: When people talk about this game I always feel like they talk about individual moments rather than the game as a whole. It's always "The opera scene is so good!" "Sabin suplexes a train!" "Kefka remakes the world, what a twist!" I maintain that Final Fantasy 4 is a better Final Fantasy 6. 6 is good. Some might call it great. But it's a really badly paced game which is something that will occur with the series going forward. The entire back half of the game just feels like busywork because rather than the plot guiding the game it does this thing where it tries to be more open worldy and letting the player do whatever. Yeah there's the goal of 'get the gang back together for a kickass reunion tour' but it's largely optional and at that point in the game most of the character arcs are all but sorted out. I really don't like the World of Ruin section of the game even though I really like Celes as a character. And let's stop pretending Locke is some cool character when he's a really creepy guy that keeps his dead girlfriend in a basement and brings her flowers like a shrine. It's good. But it's not amazing. Which is a great segue into...

Final Fantasy 7: This fucking game. I hate when people use the word overrated because it comes off as kinda arrogant but man if ever there was a game that deserved the label it's this one right here. I like Final Fantasy 7. I think it's probably like...number 6 or 7 on the list overall, but this is a deeply flawed game and I'm not talking about the translation. Final Fantasy 7 starts real fucking strong and Midgar is a fantastic setting that is developed wonderfully. Because you spend your time mucking around in the slums and really seeing how soulless Shinra is, by the time you infiltrate the headquarters it's a genuine climactic moment because all roads have led there and the game has done a great job at making Shinra out to be the worst thing. Unfortunately it's also where the game introduces its actual plot and loses a lot of steam. By the time you leave Midgar the plot becomes "Hey let's go after Sephiroth" when it should be "Hey we need to go after Rufus fucking Shinra because that guy was introduced with an evil monologue." But that's just petty nitpicking. I'm one of the people that thinks the game gets worse when you leave Midgar and start chasing ghosts for the rest of it. Sephiroth is not a good villain. Like at all. He's got 'presence' I guess but he's a bad villain. The Materia system wasn't as well realized as it could've been but, hey, points on them for at least trying to let players customize their characters even if Aerith would always be doomed to be a healer for the time you have her. I have a lot of problems with the game on a narrative level BUT I like the characters and I like the way that they develop over the course of the game. What I DON'T like is how Cloud becomes the poster child for mopey JRPG characters in every new bit of FF7 sequel shit. Cloud was never a mopey brooding asshole. You have the awful Vincent for that shit. 

Final Fantasy 8: I'm saying it right now: Eyes on Me is the goddamn best love theme in the whole series. That's just a great song. I really, really, really like Final Fantasy 8 and it's probably my number 1 in the series. Because I like it so much I can also realize how incredibly flawed the end product is. Before I go on let me say that anyone who calls Squall 'emo' or whatever has a thorough misunderstanding of the character as Squall is unarguably the most developed character in the game. That's really my first problem with the game is that outside of Squall and Laguna the characters don't really develop much despite having more depth than people realize. Irvine has that one moment where he admits that his urban cowboy/ladies man thing is all an act, Selphie has her Trabia Garden moment, but that's really it. But Final Fantasy 8 is a game largely about how everyone is laughably incompetent. The main point of the game is that this world is one in which institutions exist to train kids as mercenaries and how irresponsible that is. At almost every turn the characters show how terrible an idea the whole SeeD thing truly is. Quistis puts an assassination mission at risk because she lets her emotions get in the way of things. Zell constantly hypes himself up to hide the fact that he's actually a nerdy momma's boy that can't lead. Squall does the very teenage thing of pushing people away because he was burned so badly as a child when everyone abandoned him and he doesn't want to deal with that feeling again. These are teenagers put into positions they should never be put into. What the fuck does Squall know about leading people in war? Of course he's going to freak out when he's literally sending kids to fucking die. 

Final Fantasy 8's characters get a bad rep. And so does its plot, and on that I can agree. FF8 actually does a tremendous job at building its world and lore but it does so in more subtle ways. Like in Timber when the Galbadian President makes a speech, the big television screen flashes a message from Sorceress Adel two whole discs before Adel is even a thing. Adel should've been the main antagonist since she has the most legitimate reason for being the main antagonist, given that Laguna trapped her in space and all. Ultimecia never really has time to shine as a villain and I can't ever get behind an antagonist that traps themselves in their own self defeating time loop prophecy. The problem is that for as great a job it does at crafting its world...it does a really bad job at giving you a plot. Laguna's sections were the highlights in the plot department because it condensed an entire life story into sections while still making them engaging and interesting even if all he did for most of one was talk to the singer of Eyes on Me. By the time monsters rain down from space and Squall and Rinoa have their little Gravity adventure the game just stops giving a single shit about its own narrative, which was already thin as hell prior to that. 

And this is without talking about how the junction system makes the game absolutely abusable. The game can be broken over a knee in the first disc and that's sort of not what I come to JRPGs for. Still, I like playing Final Fantasy 8 a whole lot and I can forgive many of its story flaws because I just...I really like that goddamn world. Also, the soundtrack is top tier Final Fantasy soundtrack. It used to be my number one but was dethroned. 

Final Fantasy 9: I want to love this game. I really, really do. Hironobu Sakaguchi stated that this game was pretty much the ideal Final Fantasy game and it's not hard to see why considering it's pretty much a giant buffet of the games that came before it. It starts off with simple Final Fantasy 1 shit about princesses and then by the end of it it's doing the sci fi fantasy thing with Terra and the Genomes and then caps it off with a final boss that, back in the day, people hated for the worst reasons. Necron is fine, you guys, in a game filled with references and homages Necron is just another one. It's like Cloud of Darkness 2.0. I like most of the characters in this game. And by most I mean 'the four fucking characters worth a damn' and those being Zidane, Garnet, Steiner, and Vivi because every other character is nothing. Except maybe Eiko. But when Beatrix has more development than half your playable characters...something's wrong. Final Fantasy 9 is a weird game. Like I said I like the characters but the story just feels so...all over the place. Like the central conflict, such as it is, flat stops at the end of the second disc and then suddenly the second half of the game does a massive tonal shift and it's just...weird. The battle system is molasses which doesn't do the game any favors at all and everyone being set in their roles within the party makes customization less fun. 

There's good moments in the game. Vivi's whole search for a purpose in life is done really well. Kuja is a really good villain. Beatrix and Steiner are wonderful. But the individual moments don't make the game flow well at all. And the soundtrack isn't that good at all. There's like four memorable tracks. You know why people only ever talk about 'You're Not Alone' and 'Rose of May'? Because those are the only standout tracks on that entire OST. I'd put FF9 at like...eighth place maybe? I dunno. It's a weird game. I just...I wish it was better. 

Final Fantasy 10: Man who the fuck are the people that think this game is great. Raise your hand so I can point and laugh at you for being wrong. There are four things that are good in this game. Jecht. Auron. The music. Rikku's shorts. This is a boring game. Like really, really boring with some of the least interesting characters and a plot that feels more generic than anything else. Why the hell does Lulu dress the way she does? She's wearing all black, fur lined, heavy clothing in a tropical climate. Don't do that are you insane? Yuna is an awful leading character. I don't want to play a game where the main character has no capacity for making her own decisions. She spends the whole game letting other people decide things for her and I'm supposed to care about this nothing of a character? Tidus at least serves his function as a player avatar/fish out of water. At least Wakka's racism towards Al Bhed and his crisis of faith was SOMETHING in a game that is full of NOTHINGS. The best thing in this game is the battle system. Because the characters and plot are total ass. 

Final Fantasy 10-2: I mean, the battles are fun and fast paced and I appreciate that they try to do something with their worst female lead but it's like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Paine is the most tryhard character. Like holy shit that's not how you make a 'cool' character you guys. Paine is the video game version of someone's edgy RP character with a laughably 'grimdark' past. 

Final Fantasy 11: My favorite thing about this game was that Square just said "fuck it" and put in a boss that took 18 straight hours to beat. People were getting physically ill trying to kill the thing and I find that hilarious. And then they didn't even beat it. Weaklings.

Final Fantasy 12: The trick to enjoying this game is shoving Vaan to the bench and realizing that he's not at all the protagonist. Basch is. Or Ashe. THe people that contribute shit to the plot other than "My brother was killed by Basch oh wait nahhhh". I remember so little about this game other than that setting up gambits was fun for a little bit. Ivalice is a nifty setting and I'm glad it got some main series exposure. Just pop it near the middle of the list I guess.

Final Fantasy 13: This is a good game. I said it. I stand by it. I will defend it to the death. People harp on it being linear and I'm like "You jerks praise Final Fantasy 10 and that game is the same linear shit." 13 is a better 10. My problem with the game is the opposite that most others seem to have. People will tell you that the game gets good in chapter 11 when you're down on Pulse and can do hunting side missions. I say the game gets WORSE at that point because that marks the point in the game where instead of going for something new it becomes just another generic 'gotta save the world from religion' plot. The first half of 13 isn't a plot to save the world and I like that. It's a character piece. None of the characters particularly like each other and none of them have any reason to travel together other than the incredibly superficial 'we're all l'Cie now' which isn't a reason. The characters are all dealing with their own problems and think they know the best way to go about it. Lightning decides to take on the system because she is looking for a scapegoat. Sazh just wants to be with his kid. Snow is faced with the realization that he's failed at the two things that matter to him: being a hero and Serah. Hope tags along with Lightning on a personal quest he knows is pointless but he has to cling to something to keep himself from breaking down. Vanille is the worst and a liar so forget her. 

The reason the game doesn't unlock all its mechanics from the word go is because the mechanics are directly tied to the progression of the plot. As the characters become better l'Cie, so too do their abilities grow. The full crystarium unlocks only after the big bad taunts you and forces you to unlock your potential. It's a nice bit of gameplay mechanics and story progression working together. By the time the game reaches its final act, though, it's less interesting. The best part of 13 are the character dynamics and when that is removed all you're left with is standard JRPG bullshit. The villain is an evil God. Yay. You save the worlds with the power of friendship. Yay. 

The combat is fun and offers a nice bit of tactical gameplay with its paradigms. The battle system is all about setting your team up to hit enemies like a damn truck and that's great. 13 is a good game that gets an undeserved amount of hate. I could go on about this game (and have) because it's legit in my top five Final Fantasy games. And also? Amazing soundtrack. Masashi Hamazu is greay. 

Final Fantasy 13-2: This game is a piece of shit that fundamentally ruins EVERYTHING that Final Fantasy 13 established thematically and turns the trilogy into the story of how Etro is a well meaning but incompetent deity that ruins everything. The happy ending and thematic closure of being able to defy fate? NOPE! Fate says Lightning's gotta die or whatever and there's nothing you can do about it, asshole. This game is not better than 13. It's awful. Like utterly and absolutely awful in pretty much every way except for the battle system which, hey, why fix what ain't broke, and the music which is one of the more experimental soundtracks in the series which is at least interesting. The characters are bad. The plot is bad. Square can't do time travel and really shouldn't bother since they already have Chrono Trigger (and it's superior sequel, but that's dimension hopping and not time travel). But if that wasn't bad enough, the game has the balls to pull the worst cliffhanger possible in the worst way imaginable. It shifts so hard from a happy ending to "hahahahah everything's fucked" so fast I'm shocked I didn't get whiplash.  This is a bad game for bad people. 

Lightning Returns - Final Fantasy 13: Oooof. Ooooooooooooof. Like FF2 this game can be described as an interesting failure. But the third game in a trilogy is probably not the best time to start experimenting. This game feels so far removed from Final Fantasy and 13's own lore that it's a wonder it bears the name Final Fantasy 13 at all. I liked elements of this game and think it's better than the shitshow that is 13-2 but I wouldn't call it a good game exactly. There's less a story and more a series of vignettes starring characters you don't give a shit about (and like one you do because Fang is the queen) that ultimately lead into the dumbest, most hilarious ending possible. Really nothing in the way this game plays feels like a Final Fantasy game because it's entirely built around doing side missions. The entire game is side missions and that's...that's a weird thing. I did genuinely enjoy playing dress up with Lightning and the music was solid throughout. But...man what a weird thing this is. And the reveal with the gothic lolita Serah expy is some top tier hack bullshit that I can't help but to applaud them for doing it. You're a weird thing, Lightning Returns. 

Final Fantasy 14: The first edition of FF14 was an absolute garbage fire. That they managed to turn it around and put out a quality MMO is actually impressive. FF14 is a good MMO but really doesn't do a whole lot different from, well, from MMOs. Because MMOs are a dying genre. But if I had to pick one...I guess I'd go with this one and then just stay in Ul'dah at night to hear that amazing piano track. 




So I guess if I had to rank them I'd rank them as this, from worst to best:


FF13-2
FF10
Lightning Returns
FF 11
FF2
FF3
FF1
FF14
FF9
FF12
FF5
FF7
FF6
FF13
FF4
FF8