Rob had known Jane was upset at Rob for leaving. No amount of apology or explanation was going to reduce that hurt. Rob was mad at himself for having to resort to that option, but couldn’t say he regretted it. Being able to clear his head was worth the effort. 

It was all escapism, when it came down to it. Discussing this sort of thing with Jane was difficult enough, especially knowing her own penchant for ignoring such discussions. Acting out of character for him had been sure to be shocking, so he understood the anger. He just needed go get away. It reminded him of an earlier time:

[i]It was a day or so after one of his most explosive arguments with his father. A simple mundane conversation turned bitter by underlying anger. In the home, Rob felt as if he was a ghost. His mother would occasionally act as a medium, passing messages between father and son so as to not have the two collide any more. 

So one day, he slipped away. Told his mom he’d be back in a few days, and loaded up his car, and left. He’d drive down the nearest roads he could find, acting solely on impulse. He’d drive until his car would run out of gas, before filling it back up and just keep going on. His only guide to where he had ended up were state lines. First Nevada, then Utah, Wyoming, Colorado, Nevada, South Dakota, and Montana. For nearly forty hours, he drove on and on and on, only sleeping for brief stints. He was filled with caffeine, cheap cigarettes, and an unrelenting, unveiling [u]drive[/u].

And somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Montana, he stopped. Stayed overnight in a hotel, cleared his mind, then found his way back home over the next two days.[/i]

The experience remained one in his mind that felt so purely [i]alive[/i]. The experience was one is his most favorite in his life. On that road, there were no goals. No worries or responsibilities. No parents, no friends, no family. Just you…and the road ahead. Total, absolute control.

It was something he missed feeling. Now, in this kitchen with Jane, in a town far from home. In the middle of a tour, with responsibilities and essentially a job, he had ever longed for it. 

Right now, however, there was Jane, and himself. The person he cared for most in the world, wanting him. Upset with him. Wanting to fix the problem together. For all his thoughts and fantasies of leaving it all behind, she never appeared in them. And perhaps that was the worst feeling. 

He wanted to make things right. Not only fix things with Jane, but with everyone else. The band, the manager, the interviewers, the audience, all of them. 

And the only way to start was getting back on good terms. And that meant ignoring the problem. Pretending that everything was ok. Pretending that all of his mind-wandering and his walk this morning made him normal. 

Oh, he was reverting back to his old self again. Brick by brick, he was building his persona up again, telling himself that if he pretended all was right, one day, they really might be.

Time would tell. For now, there was a matter of Jane.

“You’re right,” he said softly, “It’ll only get crazier from here.”

He slipped an arm around Jane and pulled her close to him. “That’s enough talking,” he agreed. “We have the rest of the day to ourselves.” 

Thinking of her honest words of what she’d [i]rather[/i] do, Rob slipped away with her into the bed again. 

Some people longed sexuality their relationships for the self-pleasure. Others, for the selfless act of giving it to the other. 

Rob loved it because the moment after was the only moment in his life where he thought of absolutely nothing. 

That was the true escape.