[quote=@souleaterfan320]
<Snipped quote by Etcetera>

I'm jelly. i'll be getting an S6 relatively soon.
whenever i can afford to start a 2 yr contract with Verizon, that is.
[/quote]

I'm off-contract. I bought the phone unlocked, and the international version at that. I got it from Singapore.

[quote=@DarkwolfX37]
Someone was really close on the riddle and I'm surprised nobody's got it yet. 
[/quote]

I think I've pretty much nailed it.