After tears were cried and anger was released in the form of screaming into her pillow, the only sensation Jane was feeling was numbness. The initial reaction was painful. Why would someone stoop so low? Why did she take the pictures in the first place? Why did it have to happen right now, when they were about to leave the country in four days? It was as if the self-blame cancelled out the rage and vice versa. Her body was balled up and wedged into the corner of the couch with the hotel-provided blanket draped over her. The TV was just background noise; Jane had caught herself multiple times just staring at the beige wall behind it. A beer that was now turning lukewarm sat clenched in her grasp underneath the blanket that she occasionally took sips of in silence. Jane wasn’t ungrateful for Rob’s reaction to the situation. He could have easily upset at the person he was dating for the fact that private pictures of her were leaked onto the internet – many guys would be. But, she realized, it was wrong of her to think he would be upset. She knew the amount that he cared for her would trump any sort of possessive instinct to feel betrayed by the situation. There was still a sense of guilt, though. Any questions thrown at her that night were answered either with nodding or shaking her head, or the simplest response possible. It was not an act or a cry for help, that would be pathetic. But for the first time in years that Jane could recall, she just didn’t feel [i]anything.[/i] She had no desire to eat, talk, go out, get high (she didn’t even have the desire for intimacy). No, the only thing she had energy left for was to sit there, on the couch, staring at the blank wall. She was not, however, relishing in the fact that the news hit her so hard. Jane had built herself up to be this emotionally untouchable, don’t-give-a-fuck person that everyone knew her by, but it seemed like with every recent blow, it was rocking her foundation and causing her to slowly crumble. She didn’t like how soft and needy she had become with Rob. She didn’t like how things the media said began to make her question her beliefs and confidence. She didn’t like, now, that something that should be so natural and comfortable – her nude body – was now being used against her in an attempted to tear her down further. It was all fucked. After about two hours of lying on the couch, she announced quietly that she was going to sleep. Jane wrapped the scratchy blanket around her should and slowly trotted to the bed before plopping down into the tangled mess of sheets that they had left behind before the set. She hadn’t even bothered to get undressed before pulling the comforter up over her and rolling herself back up into the position she was in on the couch. ----------------- Jane dug her way out of the cocoon she had made in her sleep and popped her head up out of the blankets. 6:24 AM. “Shit,” she mumbled as she rubbed her eyes and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Her phone showed a text message she had gotten at some point in the morning. Harold: [b]Call when you’re up.[/b] She sighed before searching for her pack of cigarettes and heading out to the patio affixed to their hotel room. Jane: [b]Hey, Harold.[/b] Harold: [b]Morning, Jane. How are you holding up?[/b] Jane: [b]I’ve been better. What’s up?[/b] Harold: [b]Well, I’ve been trying to figure out – [/b] Jane: [b]Harold?[/b] Harold: [b]Yeah.[/b] Jane: [b]I don’t wanna know who did it.[/b] Harold: [b]What do you mean? This asshole leaked these pictures of you to ruin your image, and the band – [/b] Jane: [b]I get it, man. But it’s not like I’m gonna sue. Really, I don’t wanna know. I’d rather just find a way to move past it all.[/b] Harold: [b]Well, we’ve been working on an idea.[/b] Jane: [b]We?[/b] Harold: [b]Yeah. Austin and Sam have been contributing. I told Rob last night, but I’m sure he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you yet. We want to have a new song ready for the European leg of the tour.[/b] Jane's mind flashed to a blurry conversation she and Rob had the night before. Did he mention this? Was she even paying attention? Jane: [b]A [i]new[/i] song? You want me to right a new song [i]now[/i]?[/b] Harold: [b]Look Jane, I know there’s a lot going on and your head’s probably all over the place, but if we distract the audience with new music, it’d be much easier for all this to blow over.[/b] Jane: [b]Anything I write isn’t for a distraction, Harold. I can’t just pump out lyrics whenever I want for a new hit. I haven’t been able to write in a long time. That’s why the single was so simple.[/b] Harold: [b]Jane, I understand, but we need to – [/b] Jane: [b]I don’t think you [i]do[/i], man. I’m sorry, I’m not doing this right now.[/b] Jane hung up and nearly fell into the chair behind her. There was pressure to write a new song? Now? How the hell would she come up with something in four days when she had barely been able to write in months? Plus, with all the different opinions on the bands direction, how would she keep everyone happy? She lit another cigarette and slumped down in the chair as her mind raced over what to do next. She felt like running. Hiding. Going home. Going back to bartending and forgetting everything. It sounded dramatic, but all the anxiety she felt at the moment justified all of her thoughts. Jane had never imagined the tour playing out this way – all of the obstacles, confessions, negative press, drama – it was all making it seem so unappealing now. Why couldn’t things ever be simple? Or at least, simpler. She noticed the notifications for ten more texts and few missed calls, but she decided, for now, to ignore them with certainty it was from friends commenting on the situation. After talking herself down, Jane eventually crawled back into bed next to Rob and burrowed her way into his arms. Although she didn’t even want to be touched last night, the absence of his warmth left her craving to be held in the morning. His chest was warm from sleep, and she pressed her face against it and sighed softly as her eyes closed. The mysterious relationship forming between Rob and Zoe now seemed so menial now compared to what was lying ahead of them, and in that moment, Jane told herself to let it go, although part of her still desperately hoped that the situation didn’t push Rob away from her and into the arms of someone else. Someone less damaged, less maintenance, less [i]Jane.[/i] It was a shitty feeling, to be frank, but right now, in his arms, in the early hours of the morning, none of it mattered. Not Zoe, not the pictures, not the threat of having to write new material. And if Rob was to grow tired of all the repercussions that came of being with Jane, then she would absorb as much of him as she could while she had the chance. “I’m sorry,” she whispered in a barely audible tone before pressing a kiss into his skin. She wasn’t sure what exactly Jane was apologizing for, but she knew she felt it. She drifted back to sleep rather quickly and hoped that today would be better than the one that preceded it.