Jane’s eyes widened gradually as Rob confessed how he had been feeling about their time together. Although she wanted to talk about everything with him, she didn’t expect him to pour out his emotions to her like he just had, and it, for a few moments, put her in a state of shock. 

“I, uh,” she began, “thanks for telling me.” She rubbed an eye and straightened her postures o that she could face him with her legs crossed in front of her. 

What was she supposed to say to him? Any sort of clear thought she had in her head before she was face to face with him now vanished instantly, leaving her struggling to find words to describe how she felt. It wasn’t like Jane wanted things to end with Rob; that was the opposite, actually. But then what [i]did[/i] she want?

“I think, for the first time, I really don’t know what I want.” It felt so idiotic coming out of her mouth. Clichéd. Like no matter how much she meant the sentiment, it sounded so disingenuous. But it was the truth. 

“You’re great, Rob. You wouldn’t have been my best friend this whole time if you weren’t, you know?” Jane paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. “But, all this weirdness in the air. The fact that you don’t wanna deal with whatever issues come up, it’s like… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too much to deal with.”

Her own words cut her deep.

“It was different when I was just your friend, yeah? Although you always took care of me, it’s different now. I can tell by the way you look at me.” Her eyes shot down at the floor as if she was unable to both be truly honest with him and handle his glare at the same time. Jane felt extremely vulnerable in that moment, and her knees subconsciously made their way up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them as some sort of protection.

“I’m a large pill to swallow. I’ve always known it. I guess I thought you already knew it, too.” Her chin rested one of her scarred knees as she spoke, but as she finished her sentence, her lips pressed against it as she sat in thought, deliberating on how to continue. 

“I love you, Rob. I always will. Our friendship has already made you staple in my life. I love the sex. I love the time I spend with you. Laughing with you, playing music with you…” her voice trailed off. “I’m just afraid that one fight or one thing going wrong will make me lose you. That’s all I thought about when the pictures were leaked.”

She felt her voice waver and immediately stopped speaking before it got worse. Her forehead now rested on her knees as she sat in silence across from Rob until she mustered up the courage to continue.

“If you aren’t ready for all this, I get it,” she voice said quietly, muffled by her legs. 

Maybe she had been right all along – if her and Rob got into something more serious than just a friendship, she could lose him forever if things went south. It all hurt so much; Jane felt as though she was crumbling, and the fact that her prideful inner-voice was berating her for it right now made matters worse. 

Rob seemed to already be gripping onto the last amounts of freedom he could find now, and Jane worried if she would start to feel that way, too. Currently, she had no desires to sleep with anyone else, but how long would that really last? 

Jane couldn’t bring head back up to face him, so she sat there in silence waiting for Rob to tell her what he wanted.