Word by word, Rob was crushing her as he spoke, but when she lifted her head up from her knees, her facial expression remained neutral. Knowing him, she couldn’t make him feel bad for telling the truth, or else he’d never tell her anything again. 

“Okay,” her raspy voice squeaked. 

Casual? What the hell did casual mean [i]now[/i]? At home, of course, Jane was all too familiar with casual. If there was someone she was interested in further than just sex, she still would only see them maybe once a week, not bother to text/call, and avoid any talk about feelings or the future. But, now, with Rob, how was she supposed to do that? There was no room to give each other space. Between the van, the hotel, the shows, and recording time, when was there time to be apart?

“I’m, uh…”

Jane felt paralyzed. She had begun the day having no idea what she wanted, but at least now, she knew what she [i]didn’t[/i] want:  to feel like this. Or to be there. 

“I’m gonna go,” she said quietly, avoiding eye contact with Rob. “I’ll be back later.”

She stood up and gathered her things from the bedroom, including her sunglasses to hide any tears that might have been forming, and headed for the front door of the apartment. Her hand hovered over the lever for a moment, deciding if she wanted to end a conversation of this magnitude this way, but Jane was hurt. And when Jane got hurt, she got angry. 

She swung open the door and headed to the elevator as she pulled out her phone. 

Jane: [b]What do you have?[/b]
Andy: [b]Unless you’re looking for meth, I probably have it.[/b]
Jane: [b]What’s the address?[/b]

Jane took an Uber to the location Vicarious’ tour bus was parked, which was a large parking lot of a plaza seemingly abandoned for a couple of years. She could hear muffled music from inside, and Jane braced herself before pounding on the door. 
The door opened to reveal Zoe, looking unamused at their guest.
“I’m, uh, I’m here for Andy,” Jane replied to her glare. She didn’t want to look at her; she could be part of the reason why Rob had said what he did. What if he had become more interested in Zoe than herself? She did seem low-maintenance, and she [i]definitely[/i] didn’t have nude photos leaked or a promiscuous reputation. 

Zoe turned around and walked back to where she was sitting, leaving the door open for Jane to enter. 

“Thanks,” she whispered sarcastically as she headed towards the back of the bus to find Andy and Trent smoking a joint. 

“Hey, guys,” Jane nodded as she sat on the couch across from them. 

“Hey, Jane,” Andy smiled as he finished his share and handed the joint to Trent. His facial expression changed to a concerned one as he looked at Jane. “Uh, Trent, can you give us a second?” 

One they were alone, Andy leaned forward on the bed to observe her more closely. “What happened?” 

“Rob basically asked if we could be friends with benefits,” Jane scoffed as she admitted it, removing the sunglasses from her face. “I poured my heart out, apologizing for how I act and who I am, I told him how much I cared about him and loved him, and that’s what I got.” 

Andy got up off the bed and sat next to her, taking her into his arms. “I’m sorry, Jane. But, maybe this is for the better. You said yourself things had been really weird.”

“I don’t think he had bad intentions, but… I don’t know. I always try to tell him, even though its completely against my nature, how he’s [i]this[/i] and [i]that[/i], how much I care about him. I’ve been trying so hard to show him in the ways I know he’ll understand. But, [i]he[/i] just runs off. Usually here, I think. He doesn’t tell me how he feels about me. He just leaves me guessing all the time.” 

“But, Jane,” Andy began as he rubbed her shoulder, “You shouldn’t have to try that hard and change yourself just to keep him satisfied. That’s not fair.” 

“I know,” Jane replied, her voice muffled by Andy’s shoulder. “I’m just too potent.”

Andy chuckled. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, I’m better in smaller doses to multiple people rather in one large dose for one person. Does that make sense?”  Jane laughed at herself as she wiped a tear from her eye.

“Yes, yes it does,” Andy smiled as he looked down to her. “But some people like large doses.” 

Jane looked up to him and couldn’t help but smirk. “Speaking of, can you show me your inventory?” 

------------------

A few hours later, after smoking some weed and lounging around the bus for a while, Jane and Andy were at a shitty bar down the street from where the bus was parked armed with a baggie of blow and full pack of cigarettes. It was only four in the afternoon, but the bar seemed to already begin filling up, which prompted Jane to ask: “What day is it?”

Andy chuckled at the question. “Saturday.”

Jane grinned goofily. “I don’t even know what month it is anymore.” 

Time seemed to pass rather quickly, and both Andy and Jane had a good buzz on when the time reached 6:00 PM, and the bar grew darker as the music grew louder. Most of the patrons seemed to be of college age, and most of the music being played was something to dance to. 

“Okay, you’re turn,” Andy laughed, taking a sip of his beer but keeping his eyes locked on Jane.

“Hmm,” Jane put a finger to her mouth as she thought. “Oh! My mom caught me making out with my friend in my room when I was seventeen. She fucking [i]flipped[/i] out. She immediately assumed I was a full-blown lesbian and began screaming ‘Damnit, Jane! I want grandkids!’ over and over again. I was mortified.” Jane began to erupt in laughter as she recalled the memory. “The poor girl wouldn’t talk to me for a month. My mom saw her at the one school function she attended and apologized. It was a mess.” 

Andy joined her in laughter. “I bet your mom had fun raising you, huh?”

Although talking about her mother was usually a painful thing, Jane was in a state where she didn’t feel bothered by it. “Oh, man. Yeah, I was pretty awful. I didn’t mean it, though. I was just having fun.”

Their eyes locked in silence for a moment, and Andy reached up to her face to remove a stray strand of hair that had fallen in front of it.

At first, Jane shuttered at his touch, causing him to yank his hand back. “Sorry,” he apologized, although he didn’t sound very remorseful.

“Don’t be.” 

[url=https://youtu.be/E8b4xYbEugo]Dangerous by Big Data[/url] began to boom from the speakers lining the large bar’s walls, and patrons began to flood the open area of the floor to dance, causing Jane to smile. “You wanna dance?”

Andy grinned back at her. “Sure.” 

Jane grabbed his hand, pulled him up from the bar stool, and dragged him out onto the crowded floor filled with drunk young adults like themselves. At first, things were friendly between the two, and they laughed as they danced, but eventually as different songs came on and the floor got more crowded, they got closer and closer.

For a while, she had completely forgotten about Rob and the conversation she left behind in the hotel room. Maybe she would be okay after all.

But, as they were dancing, Andy’s lips had lightly grazed her neck, and his warm breath caused a chill down her spine. But the euphoric feeling she had felt was almost immediately replaced by guilt when her mind started flashing to visions of Rob. She realized she hadn’t even checked her phone since she arrived at the tour bus. 

“I should probably get going,” she yelled over the loud, thumping music. 

Andy nodded, and after paying their tab, they both exited the bar and waited in the dark night for their Ubers. Jane’s was the first one to arrive. 

“Oh shit. What do I owe you for the baggie?” she asked as she began to dig around for cash in her purse.

“It’s on the house,” Andy replied quietly.

“No, Andy, let me pay you.”

“Seriously,” he said, putting a hand on her arm to keep her from digging in her purse. “I don’t mind.” 

“Thank you,” she smiled as she wrapped her arms around her neck to hug him. “And thanks for today. I feel a lot better.” Jane kissed his cheek and waved him farewell.

Although she did feel better, she also felt confused. Jane didn’t know what Rob wanted from her. Was it truly all physical now? Did she break some unspoken code that he wanted her to uphold? She really enjoyed Andy’s company. A lot. And she was sure if it wasn’t for what her and Rob had, things would’ve gone further with him then they did. That’s what Jane was so confused about. [i]He[/i] was the one who asked to be exclusive. [i]He[/i] was the one who got upset when she kissed Lena. Yet, he had been leaving her every day to hang out with someone else, and now wanted things to be ‘casual’?

It all felt like a slap in the face.

Jane finally arrived at the hotel and stumbled her way up to the room. She attempted to be quiet in case Rob was sleeping, but after staring at the closed bedroom door, she decided not to open it. She thought it’d be better not to know if he was there or not. Instead, she made her way to the second room in the apartment and locked the door quietly before throwing herself onto the bed and throwing her clothes and purse in the corner. 

She still wanted to cry, and the comedown she was experiencing was probably making her emotions run at an all-time high, but the alcohol in her system eventually led her into a coma-like sleep.