I'm really sorry guys. Things have been hitting me really hard as of late and I'm really not sure I'm up to this for now. Honestly I just really fucking hate myself right now and sort of feel like taking the bottle but as it happens I still don't know where mom hid it. I need to chill before I do something really stupid and that means I need gone time [s]and yet many more visits to the counselor, EMDR therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, and my two social workers.[/s]

I'm really sorry and I really was/am looking forward to it but as things are right now I really can't handle it. Again, I really am sorry and I apologize if you guys were waiting on me or anything but I really can't, and if it takes too long honestly just consider me removed because I don't want to hold you guys back.

[s]I've also decided I'm getting the fuck out of this house when I turn 18. 9 months left. No ifs or buts. I'm going to be broke as fuck and starving and lonely and probably regret it but I need out or my mental state is going to deteriorate further than it already has. 

Also not a she. I've always been pretty chill when it came to pronouns but honestly with all the shit going on right now I'm going to be a little firmer.[/s]