Asking for conversations to be ended was a defense mechanism of his own. After getting into arguments with Elann, Noah began to realize that it was always hard pressed for him to get his point across, as seen not a moment earlier. It was easier to concede her points and let the conversation rest, be it at the expense of his own feelings, but those he would rather spare then instead of later after more damage could be potentially done. In this instance he could see the rather self-absorbed view of her and how, many times, it had been about what she yearned for in disregard for what he wished. 

Before, in her apartment, he had asked for a sense of equality in their relationship where decisions didn’t weigh solely on one person.  Before they were married she had nearly slipped into the traditional role of women for her people, the submissive and malleable role where her opinion hardly mattered. In his world, both as an eagle and as a Zeltivan, the partners were equal, if not predominantly ran by women. It seem he had slipped and fallen beneath her ever demanding ways and failed to see the harm it was causing himself until it was too late and the damage had been dealt.

Noah didn’t enjoy closing her out, and in most cases it wasn’t what he intended to do. In his opinion she overreacted to his replies and took them as assaults on her character when they were just statements to defend his own. He never aimed to cut with his words, yet all they seemed to do was cut when he spoke to Elann. A part of him cursed her sensitivity and another part thought it weak of her to shrivel up in such a way. As his bondmate, he always wanted to be near her and he couldn’t think lowly of her without guilt in his mind. The sense in him was crying out for him to want her to be like the women of his family and stop being such an overly sensitive person who was thrown down by anything he said. The one time he had spoke up to defend himself in an argument vehemently, she took all of his words as daggers when they weren’t that malicious. Now, she was beating herself up over the menial spat moments ago and he couldn’t bear to look at it.

All in all, he didn’t know what to do anymore. Conversations weren’t working, silence wasn’t working, and meaningless talks were just that, meaningless. It was beyond frustrating to have every loving moment turn into something darkly tuned and it was stressful to him as well. Noah didn’t handle constant stress well, it ate away at him. He was used to flying away and being done with a situation, so much so he couldn’t sit in a rising tide and anticipate drowning. It felt like he was doing that here, standing in a red sea that constantly rose with each argument. He was submerged up to his neck in the mess and his limbs were pinned. In their last argument he had nearly drowned but his concession gave him enough room to breathe and the space between them let the tide recede. It was slowly rising again though.

Elann wasn’t the only who felt as if everything had to be perfectly said and executed. If he didn’t do something right he ran the risk of upsetting her, and being upset was never a calm thing for her. It wasn’t impossible to relax in the human world; he did it and his family did it as well. Not everything had to be dealt with with the intense desert heat. There were times when the day was mellow, more often than not, and the breezes were cool. Compatibility was becoming an ever persistent and apparent issue here but he couldn’t divorce her; it would mean everlasting pain for himself and meant he would be inflicting harm upon her as well. It was unfathomable to do such to her, not only as his bondmate, but as someone he cared about bar the bond.

Noah met her gaze with one of his own depth. He knew what he sought in a bondmate and Elann had met dozens of prerequisites, yet as time passed he learned she was not everything he yearned for. He had loved her for so long already though, and had made changes to himself to fit the image she set before him. Noah was trying his damndest to make everything work, but there was only so much strain he could take, and with each passing day and conflict, he grew evermore terrified either of them would end it then and there or at any moment.

In his eyes was that fear but his love for her was immense yet quietly residing, unable to be said in words or communicated through the silver cord between them. He took his hand from her waist and brought it up to her cheek. With his heated palm on her skin, he let it smooth down to her neck where it rested. Rising, he moved to kiss her in reassurance; he had not given up on her or them together, and, as he said, she would know if he did. It wasn’t a threat but a somber promise of her knowing when he couldn’t take anymore, when he would lose all will to fight in a forlorn way. The hard truth was in his words and actions, but this one, this movement was filled with his care and want to survive and make it out alive on the other side.

Much like he kissed her for the first time, he wanted to show several things with one action. He wasn’t passionately driven, he was driven by his love for her and the want to be together. He wanted to understand and be understood, and by now it was all he yearned for in their relationship. He felt that, in time, with understanding, they could grow past the pitfall they had fallen into. He wanted her to take his love in the immense ways he displayed it. It didn’t need to be felt through the bond to be understood, if she looked she could see it in everything he did. Grand statements only meant so much, it was the little actions which cemented his eternal devotion to her and no one else. He wanted to be seen by her as he was, not as what she wanted him to be, not as she wanted to see.

He was hard pressed but his allegiance to her ran deeper than any valley and his love was higher than the mountain ranges which surrounded Zeltiva. No amount of gods could overtake her in his heart, and Zulrav understood it. Zulrav knew when he marked a Kelvic, a Kelvic as loyally-minded as Noah, he would be dethroned by whomever his bondmate was to be. Elann was that person he would go through unspeakable things for, only to keep her love and attention, but he needed things too.

Noah’s fealty was sealed in his kiss to her and it was like a second gift, a second layer to the bond which hopefully made the bond that much more cherished by her. Already he held it with the deepest regards, he wanted her to, too. When it was returned to her, he wanted her to hold it and view him at the other end of it, not as skin or as feathers, but as a soul that was wholly hers and no one else's. Words couldn’t explain that - he would have to speak volumes upon volumes to get all he felt out, and it would be convoluted and misunderstood. 

He didn’t part from her for a long while and when he did, breathing out and breathing in, he brought his hand back to her cheek, his thumb stroking at the place under her bottom lip. With his eyes looking into her, peering into the depths of her brilliant irises, he communicated his love in two actions: eye contact and a sealing kiss.