Rob had no time to react. Soon, without much warning at all, Jane appeared to him, in such a manner that he was almost unsure of whether or not he had dozed off on the bed. But here she was, dream or real, sitting at the foot of the bed. Here, together and alone for the first time in days. She began to talk, and soon after, Rob immediately began to piece together what could be said. In this newfound sense of honesty he had to find a way to tell her how he was feeling. There was no good way for him to approach it. If he could just start talking. If he could just begin to speak— But he could not. Jane’s body slipped above his own, and she began to straddle him. Her closeness to her was a feeling he hadn’t realized he had missed so incredibly badly in the time between their last discussion. Being here in this moment of physicality with Jane was so incredibly intoxicating, he had to stop thinking. He had to live in this moment. [i]”I’m really fucking angry at you…”[/i] she had whispered to him between kisses. And any and all meaning Jane was trying to get across was lost in the ecstasy of their bodies, and Rob’s fleeting little moment to think of what she had said faded as soon as her perfect lips pressed against his. — [i]”Yet, here I am, giving you exactly what you asked for,”[/i] her words came soft, fading into his consciousness. He had been laying back, eyes closed, and he head had been in another place. But, the bitterness of his actions were coming to fruition. “I don’t—“ he stuttered out, but it seemed to be too late. Her body covered itself in a t-shirt—her beauty dispelled in cheap cotton. It was like the ending of a beautiful film—something so long and mesmerizing, that as the credits begin to roll, you realize, you were never ready for this to end. Except, this was his reality. He stood from the bed, naked and cold, and looked to her as she ran out the door. “I so sorry—“ he managed to get out, before his words were cut off by the slamming of the door into it’s frame. He was alone. And suddenly, like a wave of emotion, each moment in his life came to haunt him. Each time he had yelled at his mother of father, and the bitter, jaded responses they had warranted. Each time he had hurt his friends. Each time in his life where he had let his own selfish nature consume others and each time others had torn him back down played out in his head. In a panic, Rob rushed back into the bedroom and picked up his boxers, pulling them onto his body. But after slipping on a pair of sweatpants, he could no longer find the energy to do so. He sat on the floor near the bed, his hands pressed against his temples. In his mind, Hayden’s words cut deep into his mind: [i]This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so fucking pathetic[/i] He lowered his head, and gave in. The room around him spun violently. The soft etherial noises of the apartment increased in volume until the noises around him were deafening. His heart pounded in his chest until it felt it could take no more, and Rob shook in the pressure. There was nothing left to do. — Two hours later Rob found himself on the balcony of his and Jane’s shared room. His fingers curled around his eighth cigarette and his other hand rested softly upon his forehead. The last of his panic attach had faded away with time. It was his first in almost three years. It was sad, really, the response that had triggered it. Jane leaving so closely after their most intimate time together should not come as a surprise, nor should it have been something he should blame upon her. He had asked for her to be casual with him. He had asked for this. And it no longer mattered that in the most fucked up way, he had meant it to be better for her. This was the path he had chosen. No interview, no actions, nothing he could no would better this situation. He would have to talk to her. He would have to admit to her that he thought so low of her, that offering a casual relationship seemed like a good idea at the time. Perhaps a day ago he could still excuse it as an oversight. But he knew Jane better, and could clearly tell how badly it hurt her. Still, even regarding all of the above, having Jane slip into the room for sex and leaving quickly was painfully demeaning. The thought of simply being used for his own physical nature disgusted him. For some odd reason, all the casual sex he had in years past seemed perfectly fine. Now, with the solidity of an exclusive relationship fresh in his mind, he felt so bad for ever wanting it in the first place. And yet he had still asked for this. He had still told her he wanted casual sex. And she gave it to him, probably under the impression that it was what he wanted. The panic attack had faded away, but the anxiety that induced it was still ever-present. He would have to talk to her, but he doubted she even wanted to talk anymore. She had just told him that only a few short hours ago. Unwilling to be alone, he ventured out into the hallway, slipping over to Sam and Austin’s room. To no surprise, Jane wasn’t here, and Sam and Austin seemed surprised to see their friend. “Hey man,” Sam awkwardly spat out as he let Rob him. He sat on the couch without saying much and looked over to him and Austin, who stood in the kitchen. “Ok, so, I’m just going to come right out and say it,” Rob started, unwilling to stand on ceremony with them. “I fucked up pretty bad this time.” No one said anything for a moment, until Austin called out with a loud, “yeah. Ya did.” Fifteen minutes later, Rob had caught them up to speed with his side of the story, and apologized for not being friends with them the past few days. They seemed reasonable enough about the situation, and nodded. “Well,” Austin started, “kudos to you for that interview. Hopefully that’ll get everyone off our backs for the time being. Last I saw Jane, she was heading to your place. How’d that go?” Rob hesitated for a moment, then looked down to his hands. “Not good,” he said, and left it at that. Talking to them about his and Jane’s sex life was not a conversation he would willingly have with them. But, somehow, they seemed to figure out what had happened. “Well,” Sam started. “You did ask for it.” “No fucking shit,” Rob shot back. It was less of a slight at Sam and more out of frustration, than anything else. “I don’t really know what to—“ Rob’s speech was cut short by the sight of a woman. Slipping from Sam’s room, a young brunette in nothing but a t-shirt peered around the door. “Sorry if I’m interrupting…” she trailed off. Her cheeks were a beet red. “Mind if I grab some food?” Rob looked in near-shock, before bursting out in loud laughter. Sam grew equally as embarrassed and shot Rob a glare. “Absolutely,” he said, leading her to the kitchen and passing Austin, who waved Rob out of the seat. “Come on,” Austin said. “It’s nicer on the balcony anyways.” Rob followed along, and the two sat outside, looking directly at the Gateway Arch. It’s massive silver glared in the light, and it was one of the coolest sights in the city. The show they were playing tonight would be very close to it, and Rob was glad to see something nice in the otherwise sleepy city. “Well obviously you two need to talk,” Austin started. “You’d think after all the shit you’ve been through you would’ve figured that one out by now.” “Yeah…” Rob said. His voice was low and tired. “Look, sorry for being pretty much an asshole the past few days. I’ve been stuck with this. Well, and this new track.” “Look,” Austin said. “Regardless of whatever you and Jane end up doing, the new single kicks ass. And I was thinking, we should probably name it. Any suggestions?” Rob looked out to the city, thinking of Jane’s soft, frustrated words she had sang just a day ago. “[i]Sinning[/i],” he said softly. “Or, just [i]Sin[/i].” “Straightforward enough,” Austin said. “I’ll run it by Jane when I can. Although, [i]Run While You Can[/i] would probably be less melancholy.” Rob laughed a bit as he slipped a phone from his pocket. Aaron was calling. “Hey, I—“ Rob started, but Austin waved a hand. “Go for it,” he said. “You haven’t talked to the guy in years.” Rob smiled, and was back out with Aaron for lunch, trying hard not to think of what he was going to have to do or say to Jane. In the car, Aaron slipped himself the AUX chord, and played a repetitive, infectious song: [url= https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3V_QMItNOg]Witch Doctor by De Staat[/url]. “This sounds really familiar,” Rob commented, as he slipped the phone from Aaron and checked the artist out. “It is. Zoe showed me this.” “What’s up with her?” Aaron asked. “I met her at the bar yesterday,” Rob said, honestly only now thinking on it for the first time. “I guess she’s cool with everything. She’s not an easy-to-read person.” “For everyone’s sake, you probably should stay away from the Vicarious guys,” Aaron said. “At least until you sort that shit out.” “Probably,” he noted. Perhaps coincidentally, at that moment, Rob’s phone vibrated, and received a message from Zoe. [i]12:02, Zoe:[/i] [b]Andy keeps vanishing off all the time now. Trent thinks it’s with Jane. Just a heads up.[/b] Rob slipped the phone back into his pocket without responding, but was left to think about that Even throughout a very fun lunch with Aaron, and slipping back into his stateroom with enough time to take a nap, he knew he wouldn’t stop worrying about it. At the very least, he hoped he never saw any of what Jane and Andy were doing, if they were even doing anything. He wasn’t sure if he could take it. No, actually. He wasn’t sure what exactly he’d do to Andy if he saw it. Rob slipped back into his bed and fell into a light sleep, fully intending to only get up when he needed to arrive to the concert. He was far to stressed to do anything else.