Feeling Jane against his side again after all of the time passed felt…odd. 

There wasn’t a better way to phrase Rob’s feelings. 

The entire trip to the venue, however short, Rob remained passive, holding Jane to him and gazing forward, watching cars passing them by through the dirty windshield. Outside, the sun was beginning to set, and rays of sunlight shone through tinted windows, illuminating random parts of the car. 

It was golden hour, to the photographer or videographer. The perfect moment between day and night. The end and the beginning. And interesting dynamic that seemed oddly fitting for them. In just a few days, the van would be left behind, along with the rest of the country. They would be entering a foreign country nearly every day. 

Rob wondered what might be left behind as the rest of the set up turned into a blur. He wasn’t sure how many times he had set up and torn apart his drum set (surely over a dozen times by now), but was able to do so without so much as a second thought.

He found himself on his drum throne, looking out to a roaring audience obscured by bright lights, and had to fight to remain in the moment at hand.

In front of him, Jane talked briefly about the pictures that had leaked of her, and after a few roars of applause, the show started. The audience was as enthralled as ever—their bodies swaying and moving to the rhythm and with the lead of Jane on stage. Rob played essentially as straightforward and as “in the pocket” as he could; managing to keep the band in a steady tempo without really adding as much finesse as he might have done, provided he was in a better mindset. 

Next came the new song, which seemed to have a positive reaction. Having never heard the song previously, the crowd had grown silent, grooving to the rhythm but otherwise watching the band play it’s melody. Rob was especially isolated in this song—his beat set up as a polyrhythm, his playing in a different meter than the others causing the song to seem to tear apart and put itself together again constantly. It was definitely one of their more odd tracks, but it sure as hell beat playing the single. 

After it ended, the crowd cheered amicably, and Austin slipped forward and plugged the usual “available on all major sites” line as per an earlier Harold request. 

The band slipped off stage, and Jane quickly approached.

[i]”I gotta shower and call Harold when we get back, then I’m all yours.”[/i]

Something about the intonation of her voice and the way she had smiled at him seemed to instill a greater sense of hope in Rob. While he was anxious and happy to come to some sort of resolution with Jane, and she seemed more than willing, he was still overcome with a sense of guilt. That the initial honeymoon stage of their relationship wouldn’t have come to an end because of Rob’s indecision and scatterbrain.

Now it seemed, at least based upon the text he had received from her, Rob and Jane would be more casual—just as he had asked. Something he had said out of respite and never meant was now seemingly the only way to mend whatever was going on between Jane and Rob, leaving him with an odd feeling of guilt and anxiety. Hopefully tonight, once the two discussed it, Rob could feel a bit more solace than he was now. 

However much calm hearing Jane and seeing her again had instilled in him, it quickly faded by seeing Zoe approach, bass strapped around her, looking as if she was ready to destroy him.

“What the fuck was that?” She called out loudly. Behind her, Rob could see Trent trying to make his way past a wall of roadies to approach as well. Before Rob could respond, she continued: “you talk to Jane about me?” 

[i]I probably should have,[/i] Rob thought, before answering honestly. “It’s never come up.”

Zoe’s demeanor changed, but it seemed more of a channeling of anger rather than any release of it. “I haven’t said a word to her. Not a fucking word. And she feels the need to call me out publicly. She knows there’s a fucking [i]press pit,[/i] right? Fifty images of that moment could be all over the internet. You’d think she would’ve learned that every moment can be used against you.”

“You’re overreacting,” Trent said as he finally made his approach, trying to pull Zoe back. She refused to break eye contact with Rob.  

“I’m not getting dragged into her black hole. And I know you don’t want to be.” Zoe said, more rational than before. “I’m not going to get dragged into the media circus. I’ve fought for years for my anonymity. If she has anything to say to me, I’d hope she could manage to say it to my face.”

Without waiting for a response, Zoe turned around, heading over to another groupie standing near the craft services table. Trent slipped into Rob’s line of sight next, looking more apologetic than she had been. 

“Sorry about all that,” Trent said sheepishly. He was the second member of Vivacious to seem to act differently this evening. “Zoe’s a calm person, but she’s always been hugely protective of her image and how the public looks at her. She can take the lesbian stuff that occasionally gets printed, but anything involving another band…well, she certainly looks to you guys as some sort of warning.” 

“I get it, man,” Rob said. “I guess she’s pretty mad at me, really.”

“Between us,” Trent said, “I really don’t think so. I think she’s keeping her distance until whatever you decide to do.” He laughed, after a moment of silence. “She seemed more drawn to you than anyone I’ve been before, and that’s unlike her. …It’s funny, really. Between her and Andy, we talk about In Bloom more than we do ourselves.”

“I with it wasn’t like that, man,” Rob said. “I never meant to get so involved. I just wanted a friend.”

A tinge of frustration shot across Trent’s face. “Try not to take us both down in Europe. For both our sakes.”

With that, Trent slipped off into his own position, and Vicarious prepared to take the stage. Confused by what had happened and the changing relationship between In Bloom and Vicarious, Rob tried to make a note to talk to Trent again soon, before slipping back to the van.

—

Back in the hotel room, Jane had slipped away and made a phone call to Harold, while Rob was researching things about Europe. It was more for the sake of his mind than any genuine interest, but regardless, it was going to be fun being away for a while. 

The interaction he recently had with Vicarious made him realize how dangerous it was that him and Jane were in odd relationships with the band. Especially since it seemed that they were going to be touring with them in Europe. And…because whatever rules drawn tonight would have a profound influence on just how personal the relationships became. 

Rob’s feelings of monogamy had lessened since hearing that Jane was willing to go casual with him. At first, the guilt of being the instigator had caused him to stop short of any real romance with Zoe. After tonight? Her willing approval—and the return of their sex life, to be honest—might turn the tide. Rob sorely missed his friend, and if Jane was with him, and the tension in the air was released by a more casual approach, he supposed he could get behind it. Plus, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least partially interested in being with Zoe. Trent’s confirmation of her own willingness wasn’t helping any last feelings of guilt. 

Rob heard her enter the room from the balcony, and he slipped to the kitchen almost on cue. He poured himself and Jane a mixed drink (with what was probably far too much vodka) and set her’s down on the table, before sitting across from her. It felt oddly cold to do so, but Rob would have to fight through it. He was in this mess because he wasn’t honest, and now he was going to have to get out of it by being as truthful as he could be. 

“Shit, this is odd,” Rob chuckled as he took a long drink of his beverage. He set it down with a loud [i]clink.[/i] “Thanks for reaching out to me. I would’ve done it earlier, but…”

[i]No you wouldn’t have,[/i] his mind reminded him. [i]You were too busy feeling like shit.[/i]

Rob noted that thought and continued. “Anyways. I know I hurt you because I asked you to go casual. And that’s my fault. I just…panicked, I guess. I wasn’t being honest with you, and I wasn’t talking to you like we used to. So, I guess in some fucked up way I thought it was what you may have wanted. But now I realize I basically didn’t tell you much and then suddenly implied I only wanted to fuck you.” 

Rob took a deep breath. “Which is wrong. I mean…yeah, the sex is amazing, but I missed talking to you. I lost that when I asked you to be casual. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind. And now it feels like we haven’t spoken in fucking [i]forever[/i]. So…however you’re feeling, I want to hear it. I just want to come out of this feeling like we’re friends again. I don’t ever want to loose that.”

Rob felt a bit better talking more off-the-cuff that completely rehearsed, but couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t being completely honest about himself. He wasn’t sold on being casual yet. And he knew it was him that proposed it, but something about it….

Rob downed the rest of his drink at set it on the table. Perhaps it’d be easier with a buzz going.