[quote=@Hellis]
[@Lo Pellegrino]

I have absolutely no qualms with this critique. I am already restructuring and beefing things up as we speak. I often try to limit my backstory to not reveal to much, swamp people with details. But I also tend to grow complacent with my writing. Thank you for the honest and excellent critique!
[/quote]

You can do it Hellis, you've got 20 mins left! :D