[quote=@Nightmare Bunny]
[center][color=82ca9d][h1][u][b]Ivy Aspen[/b][/u][/h1][/color]
[h2]“WHAT IN THE NAME OF BLOODY FUCKING ARCEUS”[/h2][/center]

[center]The sweet, summery smell of Pecha berries and cinnamon. The tiniest hint of a golden-yellow fruit. The deep richness of smooth brown sugar, melted into the butter and glistening beneath the cracks in the crisp, flaky lattice crust.

There was no doubt about it. 

This pie was a work of art, matched only by the second piece of pie buried deep inside her backpack.

Tesla rumbled his contentment, and she patted his fluffy coat idly. This was her talent. This was what she had been born to do. [i]No one[/i] baked like Ivy Aspen does.

And then there came the sound of stomping, from the bushes. One of Abigail’s missing compatriots? Girl and Pokemon raised their heads, nearly as one, and—

And Ivy nearly dropped her spork.

It was a giant. A giant with a blond Mohawk, and piercings everywhere. Probably the tallest person that Ivy had ever seen. He didn’t look particularly friendly, either. But more importantly…

He was [i]shirtless.[/i] And he had—

He had—

H-h-had.

She couldn’t think it. It felt like a crime against humanity just to think about it. She felt like— like a pervert, or something!

Sunlight glinted, gently, off the metal. Ivy felt slightly faint.

He had n-n—

[i]A nipple ring.[/i]

This boy needed Arceus. And badly. Like... right, fucking, now.

She looked down again, struggling to keep a straight face. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire. That just… it wasn’t [i]decent.[/i] People weren’t supposed to walk around half-naked! What would that do to— to public morale? To the social order?

People like that could bring mighty empires to their knees. It was probably someone like that who’d killed Julius Caesar.

Meanwhile, displeased at the interruption to his meal, Tesla was… well, gosh. Mareeps couldn’t learn Mean Look, but Tesla was sure as hell trying.

But was it really okay for Tesla to look at something so… indecent? He couldn’t be a particularly old Pokemon, after all.

[color=82ca9d]“Tesla, don’t look,”[/color] Ivy whispered, with about as much urgency as her perpetually flat voice would permit. [color=82ca9d]“Give him some privacy.”
[/color]

She offered him a sporkful of pie as payment. That seemed to work: the Mareep took the pie and settled back down on her lap. In the meantime, Super-sized Exhibitionist disappeared into his tent…
 
Could that thing even be described as a tent? It looked more like… a blanket. With some sticks in it. In fact, she could still kind of see him lounging around in there.  At least he was wearing a shirt now.

Then she settled back down to finish off the pie. It had been delicious earlier, but now it just tasted like ash in her mouth. There was still about half of it left. Tesla was a voracious eater with very pointy teeth, but he took incredibly small bites.

Would her parents have forced her to go on this stupid journey if they’d known she’d be travelling with this?

Well, knowing her mother... probably.

[color=82ca9d]“Head down, Ivy,” [/color]she mumbled to herself. [color=82ca9d]“Don’t make eye contact.”[/color][/center]
[/quote]