[quote=@DarkwolfX37] [hider=My Hider] If the sounds of gunfire and shouting were any indication, he was getting close. A few steps more and... [i]Whoa.[/i] Suddenly a lacking feeling hit him like a wave. [i]I'll take that as a 'fuck voyeurs' then.[/i] Moments later another, stronger wave came and sent him into a daze. [i]Shit. Keep running straight, ignore the numbness.[/i] So he did, continuing his path until he found himself running straight into a brick wall. [i]Oww...[/i] he thought, but at least he was getting closer. Pausing for a moment to regain his senses, he looked around and... (too many expletive help) (Moving on from unfixable complaints, "lacking feeling" is... lacking. How about "a feeling of emptiness"? | The comma between "another" and "stronger" is unnecessary. However, it actually sounds better than the alternative if you place a comma between "later" and "another as well, as: "Moments later, another, stronger wave came..." | The comma after "Keep running straight" should be a semi-colon. If you want those thoughts to be more stream-of-consciousness, make them more choppy, unless those are his full thoughts and he would think them. | Why, exactly, did he run into a brick wall? What kept him from noticing this? These are details that would pique curiosity but are skipped over, as if this was only for random humour.) [i]Shit.[/i] An angel. What was an angel doing here? Kain ran closer to the warehouse that the angel was descending towards and hid behind a wall. That's when he noticed the PCUs and the tall man with the sword. [i]Gods damnit, that would've been good to know.[/i] Lamenting his lack of skill with his sixth sense, he observed the fighting with a sense of apprehension. [i]Okay, so. We've got what look like PCUs, an angel, a guy fighting the PCUs, and judging from the sounds on the other side of the wall, a few more people. Who the hell do I support here?[/i] (Technically, you misspelled the second expletive in this sentence. The correct spelling has two m's instead of "mn". | "Lack of skill with his sixth sense" seems a bit clunky. Perhaps just "Lamenting his weak sixth sense"? Also, because of "sense" earlier, "sense of apprehension" is a poor choice of words. "Air of apprehension" would work better.) [/hider] [/quote] Critique in hider.