Jane felt as if she were in a trance as she exited the bus into the street, illuminated slightly by a setting sun in the east. She took a deep breath as her eyes scanned both directions for the back entrance to the venue, and once the small black door was located, she made her way through to the venue. The AC that blasted against her skin dampened with sweat caused a chill to run down her spine as she slowly trailed the back hallway out into the main room. A bar sat almost immediately to her right, and a stage to her left, and she noticed the small amount of space between the two. She shrugged – it wasn’t like In Bloom’s first night in Europe was going to be a sold out show – and she made her way to a barstool, plopping down into it and taking a deep breath. It would be impossible, especially for Jane, to verbalize the gratefulness she felt for having Rob back in her life without any tension between the two. It had been so long since the both of them spent time together without any undertones of anger, disappointment, or unspoken affection. Now, they both were able to be together without any of the trivial bullshit of a ‘real’ relationship. How could Jane [i]not[/i] be happy? Well, there was one undeniable fact. That anytime Jane even [i]thought[/i] of Rob, she fell deeper and deeper for him. And while that alone wasn’t something awful, the inevitability that he and Zoe would wind up being intimate crushed her. She knew that wasn’t fair, logically, but her mind couldn’t help wander to those thoughts as she laid next to him at night. It made her feel even worse that she would probably have sex with someone else, too. Jane was a different animal than Rob. She loved to be physical without attachment. But her opinions of Rob and how he viewed sleeping with someone wasn’t that simple. She felt like he would, if he hadn’t already, would begin to grow feelings for Zoe if they starting hooking up. And [i]that[/i] was what haunted her thoughts. Jane could deal with him sleeping with someone else but wanting to come lay with her at night, but not him emotionally being satisfied with someone else. It was her own insecurities triggering these thoughts. She knew she could keep anyone satisfied physically. But mentally? She wasn’t sure. Especially with someone as thought-driven and intelligent as Rob. After being served her rum and coke, her fingers touched the ice cubes thoughtlessly, making them bob down into the brown liquid, when the sound of someone next to her shook her out of her own head. “Hey,” Andy’s deep voice seemed to boom in her ears. Jane swiveled her body to face him a bit, and at the sight of him, she smiled. “How’ve you been?” It had been a few days since they had a decent conversation, mostly because of how wrapped up in Rob she was. “Not as good as you,” he chuckled as his fingers touched the side of her neck. Her eyes widened, and her hand reached up to her neck subconsciously, grazing his fingers. “Jesus,” she whispered. Andy’s laughed deepened as he watched her. “Things must be good between you two, huh?” She smiled as she took a sip of her drink. “Yeah.” Her hand went back to her lap, and when her eyes scanned her arm, she noticed the light bruises on her wrists and forearms. His eyes also looked, then met hers. But before he can speak, Jane intercepted. “It’s me,” her voice lowly pushed out. “I, uh, I like it rough usually.” Andy’s eyes widened as she spoke. “Looks like it.” The bartender stopped in front of him, and he ordered a beer. “My friend Hendrick is coming tonight. He might be able to get us something fun.” Jane perked up at his words. “That would be amazing. I need [i]something.[/i] Anything.” She began to laugh at herself and shook her head. “Listen to me. I sound like a fucking junky, yeah?” She took a sip of her drink and sighed. “I’m the same way. Sometimes alcohol just doesn’t do it.” Andy raised his glass and clinked it against hers. “You look beautiful tonight, Jane.” His words caught her off-guard, and in an attempt to understand what he was saying, she looked down at herself. A wrinkled t-shirt, a pair of faded, denim shorts, and a large flannel that hung to her sides. “You’re joking, right?” Another sip of her drink. “I obviously just got done banging another guy. I’m sweaty and dressed like a middle-school boy, hicky on my neck and all, and you think I look beautiful.” Her voice hinted at her disbelief. “You probably need to raise your standards, Andy.” “That stuff doesn’t bother me,” he admitted quietly but confidently. “Who I’ve gotten to know shines through all of that.” Jane scratched at her scalp awkwardly at an attempt to find what to say in response. “I don’t…” “ – I don’t want to date you, Jane,” he interrupted. “I’m just telling it how it is.” It was a relief to hear that Andy wasn’t developing feelings like [i]that[/i] for her. Jane couldn’t cater to that, especially since what she felt for Rob was so overpowering. But, she couldn’t help but smirk at what he said. There was an attraction of a different nature for Andy that she felt. But was it too soon? Her and Rob had just came to their agreement days ago. “You’re not so bad yourself.” The words almost felt wrong coming out of her mouth, but she wasn’t lying. Before Andy could respond, a blonde man came behind him and patted his shoulder. “Andy!” he exclaimed. “I never thought I’d see you again.” His words with drenched with a thick German accent. Andy swiveled around and embraced the man. “Hendrick! Ah, I’m so glad to see you. This is Jane,” he turned back around and waved an arm at her. “Jane, this is Hendrick. He was a foreign exchange student at my high school years ago. We always kept it touch.” “Nice to meet you,” Jane offered a hand, and Hendrick shook it firmly. “Your girlfriend?” he asked eagerly. Andy laughed. “No. A friend. She’s in the other band we’re touring with.” “Ah, I see, I see. Well, Jane, I already know Andy’s response, but do you smoke?” Jane’s eyes lit up. “Yes. Please.” She laughed. “I’d kill for a joint right now.” Hendrick also laughed. “Well, I’ll smoke you out. I also have a few extras if you want to buy. I have some Xanax too, but – “ “I’ll take one. And five joints.” Both Hendrick and Andy smirked. “Well, you’ve got it.” He flipped around the backpack he was wearing and dug through it until he found a pill bottle. “Here’s [i]that[/i].” He rummaged around some more. “And,” he began as his eyes scanned around them, “are the joints.” They discussed a price, and after searching around in her purse, Jane took out crumpled American dollars and handed it to them. “I hope you don’t mind.” “No! Easy enough to exchange. Most of my profit is made from tourists.” Hendrick smiled politely and nodded. “I’m gonna find Trent, I’ll catch you around Andy?” He nodded. “Yeah, man. Our set’s at ten. Find me before then and we’ll smoke.” [center]*****[/center] After an hour or so of bullshitting, Jane really began to feel the effects of the narcotic coursing through her. “Shit,” she mumbled. “I don’t even think I wanna play a show anymore.” Her words were slurred, but lighthearted. As if on cue, a man dressed in all black tapped her shoulder. “You’re on in five. Tell the others.” Jane nodded and turned to say goodbye to Andy when he grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him, and once in range, he kissed her passionately. At first Jane complied, allowing herself to be engulfed in the moment, but a few moments, she pushed him away. “Andy, I don’t know if – “ “ – you’re ready yet?” Andy finished her sentence, a somber tone to his voice. “I get it.” “I’m sorry. It’s just… Things are good right now. I don’t wanna fuck it up yet. I know I will eventually.” Her hand rose and touched his cheek. “You’ll be the first to know.” Jane retracted her hand and walked away, pushing the black door back to the street outside. Her eyes scanned for Rob in the sea of show-goers, and as they recognized her, the crowd began to murmur. “That’s her!” she heard from someone in the line. “Oh shit,” she mumbled to herself. Jane felt way too high to talk to strangers. “Hi, hi, excuse me, hi, thank you,” she kept repeated as she made her way down to the street to the parked bussed. Her eyes desperately scanned for him, and when she saw his head, notably poking out from the shorter people around him, she also saw Zoe’s dark hair facing away from her and towards Rob. They were just talking, but in a moment of inebriation and pure selfishness, Jane felt a flash of anger and quickly turned herself around, plodding back towards the venue. Why was she getting so emotional over him [i]talking[/i] to her? It was pretty ridiculous, even to Jane, but yet she couldn’t help but feel tears begin to burn her eyes as she pulled open the door once again and charged towards the bar. “Two tequila shots, please.” [center]*****[/center] Jane found herself front and center on the stage, with the bright lights burning her skin. “Hey, everyone.” She was still slurring her words. “We’re In Bloom from California. Thanks for coming out tonight.” Throughout the set, although hitting each note as always, there was lack of enthusiasm behind her performance. It was partly due to the Xanax, but also the undeniable fact that she had gotten insanely jealous over [i]nothing[/i]. It made her hate herself. They were supposed to cover Weatherman, but when it’s turn came alone in the set list, Jane introduced the song that was supposed to be played later so that they would skip it. The last song she was in the mood for was Weatherman. After what felt like an hour, Jane bid her farewell to the crowd and rushed off the stage, and once outside, nearly sprinted to the tour bus, closing the door behind her. She terrified the driver, Grant, to had been asleep in his bunk. “Sorry.” “That’s okay. We’ll probably go soon, yes?” “I hope so,” Jane mumbled as she made her way to the back of the bus. Once in front of both her and Rob’s bunk, one on top of the other, she stared at his. The curtain was pushed open, and the sheets were still in a tangled mess from earlier. She closed the curtain that divided the set of bunks and stripped down, leaving her sweaty clothes on the floor, and after digging in her purse, she pulled out a joint and placed it on Rob’s pillow before climbing up into her bunk. If she wasn’t already so high, she would probably smoke a joing herself, but the world already felt as if it were spinning beneath her, so instead, she closed the curtain that hid her bunk and pulled up the thin blanket around her nude body. Why did her stupid feelings have to ruin something that seemed so good? Things had been so amazing between them, she would be a complete idiot to fuck it up. But yet, she laid in her bed alone, hoping desperately that Rob would come back to the van and not stay out with Zoe, although he had every right to. The buzz she had eventually led her into a deep, dark sleep, so deep that when the Grant has asked her a question, one she couldn’t remember, she could only grunt in response before her eyelids became too heavy to keep open.