[h2]When the Elkman Pokes a Mountain: A collab between Dervish and Hank[/h2]

When Brynn turned his attention to Faruq, probably to try and edge some yarn of a tale out of him, Cedric was left to his devices, measuring who was capable of at least letting their hair down and relaxing, so to speak. Cyrendil had gone to speak with a man who appeared to be overly relieved at having a member of the Vigilant yammering on about something, Gaela and Kiralla seemed to be getting on rather chummily, and then there was the mountain of apple-hued muscle that seemed to only have two expressions: scorn and smug arrogance. 

Clearly, this was an orc that needed to be prodded. After all, there had to be something that made the shirtless wonder tick. Perhaps he was fond of theater, or catching sheep with his bare hands and eating it on the spot? Cedric was curious about what buttons could be pushed, and what exactly motivated a clearly horrible individual to wake up and continue on the next day without going on a rampage. He probably kicked puppies for fun, the monster.

Lifting his tankard from the pitted and stained table and his bow, which was leaning against his chair, the Reachman wandered to the quadrant of the table where Maulakanth sat seething, or something. It was hard to get a read on the guy. Noticing that there was a wide berth afforded to Maulakanth, Cedric did the reasonable thing and pulled up a chair, chummily close and sat down with a well-practiced air of carelessness. [color=gold]"So, you never said if it was yer mother or father who was the giant."[/color] he said with a cheeky grin. [color=gold]"Also, don't eat and drink our entire budget in one sitting, I know the temptation must be there."[/color]

The orc looked up from his own mug of ale and returned Cedric's shit-eating grin with an unreadable expression. Maulakanth hadn't expected any of the small men to attempt conversation with him, and Cedric's audacity surprised him a little. It was also confusing -- what did the Reachman hope to gain by making jokes at Maulakanth's expense? Getting his face smashed in? Maulakanth frowned and shrugged. [color=39b54a]"They both were, if we measure them by your race's standards,"[/color] he said. [color=39b54a]"What do you want, hill-troll? I'm trying to enjoy my drink in peace. Your face is going to put me off my appetite."[/color]

[color=gold]"Well, the way I see it, we're going to be spending several long days in one another's company, and I've always wanted to meet a honest-to-Akatosh mountain troll. I imagine you have to eat half of yer weight a day just to sustain yourself."[/color] Cedric said with a shrug. [color=gold]"So I don't imagine the likes of me is going to put you off your food binging, lest you feel the need to eat a tree or two on our way to Camlorn. How did you end up in our charming company, anyway? Count Fookface got jealous that you have better posture than him?"[/color]

Maulakanth grunted, downed his mug of ale in one go and slapped his hand on the wooden tabletop with a loud [i]thud[/i] -- this was his way of ordering a refill. One of the extremely wary barmaids approached with a pitcher of ale and gingerly poured the tankard full. [color=39b54a]"Careful who [i]you[/i] call a troll. As for the Count -- of course he was jealous."[/color] Maulakanth spread his arms wide, displaying his rippling, enormous torso, and chuckled. [color=39b54a]"Who wouldn't be? Either way, I was in his employ as an enforcer. Milk-drinker had the gall to disagree with me all the time. Stubborn little creature. He told me our contract was severed and I punched him in the face."[/color] Maulakanth took another huge swig of ale and belched in an unapologetic manner. [color=39b54a]"What about you? Did you fuck one of the Count's goats? And I don't mean his daughters."[/color]

Cedric drank slowly, pacing himself, as he listened to Maulakanth boast, finding amusement in the decision to punch the vulture faced bastard in the face. For reasons to get incarcerated for, that certainly ranked highly in Cedric's approval list. He raised his tankard in mock salute. [color=gold]"Green ain't my kind of complexion, but you're one up on the rest of us for getting our licks in on the Count. Shame he had to lose his head so soon, but you strike me as a man who has a hard time keeping a job, unfair to say?"[/color] Cedric asked, smiling behind his tankard. [color=gold]"You mean his daughters and goats aren't one in the same? Colour me bloody surprised. But sexual deviancy aside, I was nipped for poaching. Didn't realize our mutual arsehole friend had ownership of all the lands and tried to sell a deer in town. Shame, it was a nice buck, too."[/color] 

Poaching. What a laughable crime to get thrown into a prison cell for. For one man to think that he owned the nature around him was folly. Maulakanth furrowed his brows at Berich's observation about his employment record. [color=39b54a]"People are weak and pathetic everywhere. The king of Orsinium had me exiled for trying to expand his territory. He'd rather play nice with the Lords and Kings than fight for what's ours to take. And the Bretons around these parts are just as sad, but they all think they know what's best for them,"[/color] the Orc said with a hint of bitterness in his voice. [color=39b54a]"And they're entitled."[/color]


[color=gold]"I'm not a worldly man, and couldn't give a shite about politics, but seems to me when your kingdom's been sacked several times over the years, you shouldn't bite off more than you can chew, lest you choke on the long cock of retribution. Think you could have held the lands you tried to take?"[/color] Cedric asked, draining his tankard before reaching for a pitcher. The sweet amber hue of ale tumbled into his tankard, and Cedric's throat still was parched. Drinking again, swirling the grain-made alcohol in his mouth, he swallowed thoughtfully before offering Maulakanth a grin. [color=gold]"But, as it so happens, I quite agree that most of the high folk in these lands are a right bunch of pretentious cunts that don't know an honest day's work. But let's face it, Maul, if people weren't weak and pathetic, think they'd be hiring a man like yerself? They need yer, ah, sunny disposition and ability to crack a man's skull with yer bare hands. Why didn't you just become a sellsword? You can be a bit more picky that way."[/color]

Maulakanth stared at Cedric while he talked, waiting for the man to finish, and brought his fist down on the table with the force of a forgemaster's hammer when it was clear that Cedric was done. Wood cracked somewhere beneath the surface of the table and it gave slightly. [color=39b54a]"You challenge my ability as a warlord, whelp? [i]Of course[/i] I could have held those lands. The kingdoms of High Rock are divided and weak and the Redguards were preoccupied with the Dominion threat. I spent two years reorganizing Orsinium's armed forces, filling the leadership echelon with capable Orsimer that knew how to follow orders. I'm the greatest fucking Hand of Mauloch that Tamriel has ever seen, and--"[/color] 

It was then that the inn collectively turned to look at Fiona teaching an unmannered, hairy Breton a lesson. Interrupted in the middle of his rant, Maulakanth growled in annoyance. "Look at these people," he sneered. "No discipline. This is no way to challenge someone to a duel."

Cedric watched as the meaty hand smashed into the table, and the audible crack was something to be respected. Not many people could make a solid table give out before their bones did. [color=gold]"Easy there, lad. Let's not spend our coin on a new table for this fine establishment, yeah? But begging yer pardon, it's hard to take you at your word for your ability as a warlord holding foreign lands when you couldn't hold yer job."[/color]

His attention turned with Maulakanth to the ruckus that turned out being some repugnant drunk making some ill-advised moves on the girls. Cedric worked his jaw and his fingers in and out of a fist as he watched the scene play out, preparing to excuse himself to go teach the idiot some manners. As it turned out, Fiona turned out being his kind of woman as she utterly dominated the drunk and made him turn tail. It was just as likely he'd be back with friends, and that suited Cedric fine. He nodded in agreement with the orc. [color=gold]"Aye, I'm inclined to agree with you there, Mauly. Normally, I'd just go and punch the cockswine upside the head and break a few pieces of furniture in the process."[/color] he drank from the tankard again with a laugh. [color=gold]"More fun that way. So, care to wager if the lasses' admirer comes back with some of his goblin pals?"[/color]

Cheeky -- that's what Maulakanth decided Cedric was. Real fucking cheeky. It didn't appeal to the orc very much, but he decided against starting another fight in the tavern all the same and buried his bristling pride in the bottom of his tankard. He grunted noncommitally at Cedric and ignored the implied insult.

The idea of the beaten Breton coming back with all his little friends, however, was a nice one. That would be a good excuse to get his hands dirty... but a man beaten by a woman might feel too shamed to return. [color=39b54a]"Ten Septims says he's off to lick his wounds and doesn't return, Elkman,"[/color] Maulakanth said while gesturing for a barmaid to refill his tankard again. The ale was finally starting to have a mild effect on the big orc -- after the sixth pint -- and his ever-so-foul mood improved slightly. "As for mercenary work," he continued, referring to an earlier point in their conversation, "I did that too. Wasn't any better. At this point, I've half a mind to set off, carve out a kingdom of my own and kill every knife-eared white-skin that disagrees with me."[/color] 

The Reachman grinned, raising his tankard in cheers. [color=gold]"I know I liked you, Mauly. Ten shiny dead Emperors for the chance to punch some cunt, sounds like the deal of the week. And boy, you are an ominous fellow. Just do me a solid, yeah? Let me know when and where you plan on making Orctopia and I will go somewhere else less stab-happy. I'd hate to think you were inconsiderate."[/color] he smiled, as the orc had surmised, rather cheekily. 

Maulakanth chuckled and then grew instantly serious, leaning across the table and frowning at Cedric. [color=39b54a]"Well... you're a right cheeky sod, and you think you're too funny for your own good,"[/color] he said after a few seconds. [color=39b54a]"Tell you what, Elkman. Keep the sass to a minimum and I will give you fair warning when I bring the wrath of Mauloch down on these soft, pampered runts. That sound fair to you?"[/color]

[color=gold]"Aye, can't complain. There's plenty of me to go around, don't you worry your colossal green hide, I'll be on me best behaviour. Maybe."[/color] he said with a wink. His meal arrived not long after, an actually alluring smelling stew that was probably best not to think about what went into it. Preparing to settle into his meal, he said, [color=gold]"Ah, here's the distraction I've been looking for. I'm famished. Let's hope our wager doesn't come waddling back towards the lasses while I'm eating."[/color]

Satisfied, Maulakanth leaned back with a grunt and surveyed the tavern while Cedric's food arrived. The orc had already eaten and felt pretty satisfied with the amount of consumed ale. [color=39b54a]"He's all mine if that happens,"[/color] he said as a reply to Cedric's concern and flashed his tusks in what could only be a grin. [color=39b54a]"By the way, remind me to teach you how to fight properly one day. That bow won't do you any good up close."[/color] 

Cedric shifted in his seat somewhat, leaning to the side as he pulled the mace from it's lanyard and placed it on the table by the orc. He returned to the stew in front of him. [color=gold]"I've never had much of a problem in that department. I like when they get nice and close, it breaks up the tedium of cursing when people can't get close enough to bash me fookin' head in. They are less impressed when they find out I can do the same to them. But sure, I'll take a few pointers from a man who clearly gets his jollies in by fookin' stabbing people for a living. I am, after all, a man of learning."[/color]

The two continued to chat quietly amongst themselves when the door of the tavern opened once more and a familiar face with a pair of men flanking him walked in the door behind him. They found a table nearby and were doing a terrible job hiding their contempt filled glances. Cedric grinned at Maulakanth. [color=gold]"You're gonna owe me money."[/color] he said in a sing-song voice.