[quote=@Sohtem]
hopefully it doesn't seem too sappy with what I'm trying to get across without being so heavy-handed
[/quote]
Ah, the eternal struggle. Trying to write [i]authenticity[/i] without [i]melodrama[/i] ... unless you're angling to become a tele-novella scriptwriter, anyway! Haha. 

If you were worried about Xeviiy's internal conflict in the first half of your post then I can honestly say it wasn't too sappy. Seemed like a good balance to me, especially since she's young and doesn't really seem to have a great frame of reference for what she's witnessing. That, and the danger of being taught to think critically (or as critically as a Jedi *can* be taught to think) is that it isn't so easy to switch it off, and it can paralyze you if you don't have the experience or will to force yourself into a snap decision.

My two cents, anyway.