Being able to relax and cook like this seemed to be something Rob needed. There was such an inner piece for doing so, and the taste of food that he had made himself was something that was oddly cathartic. 

The evening continued to relax, and it seemed to do, with cuddling and joints. It was something they seemed to enjoy doing together, and other of the things the had done as a couple that Rob had sorely missed in the days here in Europe. 

And so they watched the television, comfortably, together, and in silence. Words weren’t necessarily needed in times like this. But, as the evening progressed, he could feel Jane gently begin to tense up in his arms. And she might not have said anything up at this point, but body language could not lie. [i]What was bothering her?[/i] [i]I thought we had cleared the air. At least…for a night.[/i]

Soon, she seemed to press herself into a pillow, frustrated at what she wanted. It only could bring more guilt to Rob. The more time passed, the more he began to regret telling her about his stress concerning their sex life. Rob was a guy. Sex was sex and sex was great. But…it was also something more for him. It always had been. He knew it and she did as well. 

But something seemed deeply, deeply wrong. She raised her head, trying to hide her tears from him to no avail. The stresses of the road which had dissipated from Rob’s mind seemed to linger in hers. And there was little he could do for her to fix the problem—something he desperately wanted to do for her. 

“It’s alright,” he said first, after she had finished, but couldn’t find other words. Slowly, he reached out and pulled her to him, resting her head on his chest, feeling her atop him. “You don’t have to say it’s PMS. I understand.”

Which, as it was, was a lie. He couldn’t, nor could he ever, know fully what was bothering Jane. He only wished he did. 

Rob continued: “Look, I know I just said this literally a few hours ago, but I don’t want you to think I don’t want to be with you. I know…” he sighed. “I guess I just wanted us to talk more and picked something easy to blame. That’s myopic of me.”

Rob sighed. “We’ve both apologized for enough this evening, yeah?” He lifted her head to his, and couldn’t help but kiss her. “And I’m glad we did this too.” 

Part of his paternal instincts had kicked in that night, and Rob was beginning to realize it. It was nice to say that everything was going to be ok, because it was a good thing to hope for. But…he was just as stressed and worried as she was. He couldn’t take back sex with Zoe, but what was beginning to plague him was that he had wanted it. That Rob could never have meaningless sex. Like with all things, he made it mean something. 

A part of him wanted to discuss it. To tell Jane about how it freaked him out. How terrible it was that he had done that…and enjoyed it. Jane’s relationship with Andy was not enjoyable, but Rob felt comfortable in Jane enough to not worry about emotional infidelity. But himself? 

It was all so new and confusing, and seeing Jane admit her own fears and weaknesses make him remember his own. 

—

Several hours passed. The moon had long since hit it’s peak in the Norwegian sky, and was beginning to set again to start the next day anew. The next leg of their journey. As a band, as a couple…really as themselves, or so it seemed.

Rob found himself restless, and had left his bed to have a smoke on the balcony. They weren’t very high up, but the empty streets so far below seemed so distant and far from him. 

The air that surrounded him sent a barren chill up his spine, how cool it was in comparison to the summers back home. There was a tinge of frigidness here in Norway, even here in the dead of summer. A lingering sense of distance, nearly.

He scratched at his hair, and noticed how long it had grown since the beginning of their journey. The back strands crept at his shoulders now, and he could very nearly tie it back. A physical sign of how far they had come. But the air was a continuing reminder of how far was left to travel.

It felt very much like a inflection. A turn. Just as aimless and wandering as ever, but with some renewed self of sense. And a greater sense of understanding. 

The problem was, Rob didn’t want to continue on from here. He wanted to stay in this hotel room. On this balcony. With Jane, and nobody else. Away from the job touring had become, away from the world that seemed to push them apart.

Or maybe the world that showed them how different they were. How incompatible this all was. 

The entirety of the tour was a sea of worry. Rob had spent so many moments, hours, and days like this, to where the words seemed to repeat themselves in his mind, and the worries etched into his brain. But it never seemed to cheapen their impact. 

Rob slipped inside, drawing back into bed with Jane. Back to where things in fact, were easier. And were simpler. His eyes shut as he pulled her close to him once more, and his eyes rested; into a light sleep. Light enough to remember how amazing things felt in here. 

And how cold the air was beyond them.