Jane awoke to the sound of muffled voices, and the volume of each grew the more lucid she became. Soon, she was able to make out what they were repeating.

“Jane, wake up.” 

“J. Come on, J, wake up, please.” 

It only took a few moments for realization to set in that Jane had fucked up. The memories of the night before were slim to none after she took the second pill, but after hearing Andy rummage around in the drawer next to the bed and curse, she knew she had probably overindulged. 

“She took all three,” Andy sighed as he rubbed a hand over his face. “And a bottle of vodka by the looks of it.” 

“Jesus,” Austin whispered. “J, we gotta go.” 

Jane only grunted in response, unable to communicate what she was thinking in her mind: “I’m sorry.” 

“Harold called me,” Austin began explaining. “I guess room service couldn’t wake you up. They almost called an ambulance.” 

Another grunt from Jane. 

“I’ll uh, I’ll get her dressed, and then we’ll take her back, okay?” Andy said to Austin, who nodded and left the room. He grabbed her clothes from the floor that hadn’t moved since the last time he was there, and he worked her shirt over her head, then buttoned her jeans once he was able to pull them up. “Austin, we’re good.” 

Austin walked back in and immediately scurried around the room to collect her belongings. 

“Alright, babe. I’m gonna pick you up. We’re gonna bring you back to the bus.” 

She focused on trying to open her eyes, only catching a glimpse of them as they fluttered momentarily.  She groaned again at an attempt to convey her reluctance to leave the room. 

“I know, Jane,” he whispered as he moved a stand of hair away from face. “But you can’t avoid this forever. You gotta go back.” Andy slid both arms underneath her and picked her up easily, her body hanging loosely in his grip. “We’ll bring you back, then you can sleep it off in the bus. Austin, get the door.” 

Austin threw her bag over his shoulder and opened the room’s front door, and they hurried to bring her down to the cab waiting outside. The ride was silent; Jane slept curled up in Andy’s lap, Austin stared out the window, and Andy remained still so that he wouldn’t disturb her. 

Once they arrived back to the spot where both busses were parked, Austin opened the door for Andy to carry her inside, eventually laying her down in Rob’s bunk, since it would have been too much of a struggle to get her into the top one. 

Andy looked to Rob and scratched his head. “She got really fucked up last night. Let her sleep it off and see how she feels when she wakes up, which probably won’t be good.” 

“I’ll let Harold know we might need to cancel tonight,” Austin added before walking to the front of the bus. 

Once the two were alone, Andy looked to Rob with a serious glare. “She really doesn’t wanna deal with this. If I were you, I’d let her come to you when she’s ready to talk about it.” He patted Rob’s shoulder and moved past him to exit the bus. “Time to deal with Vicarious’s shit now.” 

[center]*****[/center]

This time, when Jane awoke, it was abrupt. She immediately grabbed her mouth and launched herself out of the bunk, nearly smacking her head on its ceiling, and darted straight for the bathroom. As soon as she could see the toilet, she dropped to her knees and began to vomit. Regret began to sink in as her stomach worked furiously to empty the contents she had put into it the night before. Once it seemed to stop, she crawled out of the bathroom and leaned against the wall, catching her breath.

God, she was an idiot. Jane wasn’t even able to give herself one night to think and rest. No, she had to get obliterated and cause a scene. She wasn’t even really sure how she got back to the van, but she knew it couldn’t have been herself. Andy? She remembered seeing his face above her vaguely. 

“Shit,” she mumbled as she wiped her forehead with her sleeve. If there wasn’t already enough drama to deal with when she returned, she had just increased it. 

“J!” Austin called as he entered the bus and ran back to her. “Are you okay? Here, let me help you – “ 

“I’m good,” Jane whispered. “I’m dizzy. I just want to sit for a second.”

Austin pulled out his phone and shot a text to Andy. “Well,” he started as he crouched down in front of her, “we cancelled the show tonight. Didn’t think you’d be up to perform. Harold’s pissed.” 

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” Jane winced as her head throbbed. “I don’t even remember what I did last night. After Andy left, it’s all a blur.” 

“Trust me. I was prepared for this shit when I joined a band with you. Sam and Rob, though? I don’t know how thrilled they are. I don’t know [i]where[/i] they are.” 

Before Jane could inquire, Andy popped his head through the door. “Ah, sleeping beauty.” 

Austin stood up. “I’ll let you handle it from here, dude. Got a Tinder date downtown.” 

Andy laughed as he took his spot across from Jane. “Good luck.” He then turned his focus to the small girl in front of him, looking more fragile than ever. He hadn’t known Jane that long, but she definitely looked much different from when he first met her. Her tan skin was now a creamy color, making her freckles and scars much more pronounced. Bags under her eyes signaled her perpetual exhaustion. Her arms and legs, once wrapped with a small layer of muscle, now were starting to resemble twigs. He frowned. “How’re you holding up?”

Jane scoffed. “I’ve been better.” She rubbed the bridge of her nose with force before working up the courage to look up at Andy. “Did you bring me back?” 

“Yeah. Me and Austin.” His hand gently rubbed her knee. “Now I know to only give you one serving size from now on.” 

Jane sighed. “I guess I need that, huh? After you left, I don’t really know what –“ The urge to puke rose again, and she crawled back into the bathroom quickly before she began to vomit once again. 

She wiped her mouth and plopped back into the same position she was previously in. “I’m sure you’ve never found me sexier, huh?” Jane was embarrassed – the one person she had a relationship with that was purely fueled by sexual desire now was seeing her puke. 

“Eh, don’t sweat it,” Andy laughed as he rested his head on the wall behind him. “We’ve all been there. Just make sure you brush your teeth before trying to seduce me.” 

“Trying, huh?” she smirked. “How was, uh, how was Rob?” 

“Didn’t say much. I told him to let you come to him. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel when you got up.” 

“Thanks,” Jane sighed. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I kinda blew my cover.”

“You deserve better,” Andy said frankly.

“What…” Jane’s eyes widened as she looked up to him. “Why are you saying that?”

“Look at yourself, Jane. You’re gonna wind up killing yourself one of these days. Ever since you’ve been with him, you’ve been a fucking wreck. I’ve watched this beautiful, charismatic, crazy girl turn into a ghost of herself, and it’s all because of this bullshit.”

Jane’s eyes began to blur, and her voice began to quiver. “B-But – “ 

“Save it, Jane. In case you forgot, I’ve listened to it all already. [i]’But I love him. He’s my best friend.’[/i] Then why is it this so fucking hard Jane? You know how many people would kill to have a girl like you?” 

Jane rolled her eyes. “[i]You?[/i]” She completely felt awful for what she had said almost immediately after the word left her mouth, but instead of apologizing, her pride urged her to stay silent.

“Don’t turn this around, Jane. You have all these people that care about you, but you don’t give a fuck about any of us, only Rob. And obviously, it’s working out wonderfully for you.” Andy held his hand out as if to display Jane’s current state to an imaginary crowd. 

“Fuck you,” she mumbled as she wiped a tear that rolled down her cheek. “Get out.” 

“Ha.” Andy stood up from his seat on the floor and looked down to Jane, who seemed to be refusing to meet his stare. “Hit me up when you realize I’m right.” And with that, Andy stormed out of the bus into the cold weather.

As soon as she was alone, Jane began to sob as she curled up into the ball on the floor. Andy’s words, true or not, completely wrecked her. One by one, Jane was losing all of the people she held any sort of attachment to, and for the first time in her life, it was beginning to scare her. Maybe at home, things like this wouldn’t bother her too much, but here, so far away from anything she knew, the loneliness was starting to get to her.

Another few rounds of vomiting, Jane had mustered up the energy to pick herself up off the floor and crawl into Rob’s bunk once again, this time smoking the only left over joint that Andy had rolled for her the night before. 

Jane had no idea where to go from here. Rob must have put two and two together that Jane was displeased with what Zoe had to say, and now she just felt embarrassed and ashamed of how she handled it. But, much more than that, she didn’t want to deal with the mess they had created between the four of them. 

After locating her phone, she held the cracked screen above her head and squinted as she focused on the words she was typing to Rob.

[i]Jane, 3:52 PM:[/i] [b]I’m alive. Sort of. Didn’t mean to cause a scene.[/b]

Sent. Jane paused before she began to construct her next text. 

[i]Jane, 3:54 PM:[/i] [b]I need to know if you have feelings for Zoe. You don’t have to answer me now, but you have to eventually.[/b]

Was it immature to send him that over text? Probably. But Jane never claimed to be mature, plus, she would do anything at this point to not see Rob. Her physical status was already mortifying enough, but she would probably just cry if she saw him. 

After finishing her joint, she curled up into a ball in his bunk and forcefully held the pillow over her head to try to stop the throbbing pain. One thing that was more embarrassing than the situation itself was that all she wanted was for Rob to be there with her, holding her. But no, she wasn’t going to let that happen. Not yet. Zoe made her feel like an idiot for thinking that Rob could see someone without growing an attachment to them. For saying that Rob talked to her about everything and left her in the dark. 

Jane knew she was no better. She was so scared to fuck things up or to scare him off that she tip toed around his emotions, which wasn’t fair to either of them. How were they supposed to fix all of this? Could they?