[b]”I can’t think straight, J.”[/b] Even through a mumbled sentence, Jane could hear the exhaustion in his voice and immediately regretted the timing she had chosen to lay all of this on him. It was selfish, she realized, because at that moment, she hadn’t cared if he was ready to take it all in or not, [i]she[/i] just needed to get it off of her chest. She sighed and gazed back up to the ceiling, blinking away the blurriness the tears had created. [b]”I love you.”[/b] It was a whisper but, did he say what she thought he just said? [b]”Why the fuck did I take this long to say it?”[/b] Jane’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as she looked above her, almost too in shock to turn over and look at him. She had grown used to the silence from Rob and the uncertainty of his feelings towards her, so much so that his words were a complete surprise. But, like Jane had wondered many times before, had she pushed him to say something he didn’t truly mean? Yeah, of course he loved her. But she had always assumed that love was similar to the love she had for Austin. A deep friendship that had stood the test of time. But still, he had never verbalized it. But now, Jane was crying in his bunk, choosing words that made things between them sound hopeless, which didn’t seem too far from the truth, but maybe she could have spared him some of the details. “Rob,” she began in a hoarse, half-whisper, “you don’t have to say – “ He was out cold. Jane stretched out an arm and snapped her finger a few inches from his face. Nothing. “Jesus, Rob,” she whispered as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. Well, now what? How was she supposed to go on with her day without any clarity on what just happened? Jane groaned as she forced herself up to dig through her pile of clothes to locate the cracked iPhone. After mumbling something about doing laundry, she plopped down on the couch and worked on a group text to Andy and Austin. [i]Jane, 10:58 am:[/i] [b]Can you guys meet me outside for a cigarette?[/b] [i]Andy, 11:00am:[/i] [b]Be right there.[/b] A few minutes passed, but soon, all three stood in the chilly morning air in between the busses, each one hugging themselves to retain body heat. Austin was the first to speak up. “What’s wrong, J? Looks like you saw a ghost.” He looked to Andy and they both chuckled quietly. “I, um,” Jane stuttered as smoke poured out of her mouth, “have you guys ever taken Ambien?” Andy laughed. “I took two once and woke up naked in my living room. No idea how I got there.” Jane scratched at her head. “Alright.” “Why?” Austin stepped closer. “What did Rob do?” Jane shook her head. “Nothing, nothing. He’s just… out of it.” Andy squinted his eyes at her, but chose to keep quiet for the time being. “What are you guys doing before the show?” Austin shrugged. “A girl wanted to meet downtown at, like, three. Other than that, nothing.” Jane shook her head. “No plans. I wanted to hang out with Rob, but I don’t know when he’ll be awake.” As she was subconsciously picking at the skin around her nails, Andy’s hand reached over and grabbed one of hers to stop her. She looked down to see her thumb forming a small bubble of blood, to which she only sighed as they held eye contact. They had grown close enough to where she knew she couldn’t hide things from Andy any longer. Jane nodded at him subtly, and he nodded back. They would talk later. “Well,” Andy rubbed his hands together. “Why don’t we get a drink somewhere before the show or something?” “Sounds good, man,” Austin replied as he slapped Andy’s hand, then moved to kiss Jane’s forehead. “I’ll catch you guys later.” Jane waved, then looked up to Andy. “Go ahead.” “What happened?” he asked as he put both hands on her shoulders. “What did he do?” “I mean, I went in there half expecting things to be over, then he… he told me he loved me, then passed out again. I don’t know if all the things I said made [i]him[/i] feel the need to say such a thing, but man, I’m fucking confused.” Jane lit another cigarette and puffed feverishly on it, letting out short, fragmented clouds due to her teeth chittering together. “I don’t know why I’m being so dramatic. It’s just, I couldn’t talk to him after that. And I didn’t expect it. And…” Andy pulled her in and hugged her. “Just breathe, Jane. It wasn’t the worst thing that coulda happened, right?” His fingertips grazed the top of her head softly. “You’re right,” she mumbled into his chest. “I’m probably gonna wait around until he’s up. I’ll meet you and Austin later, yeah?” He nodded and squeezed her tightly before letting her free. “Yeah. See you later.” [center]*****[/center] Four joints, three beers, half of a book, a shower, and a multitude of cigarettes later, Jane opted to lay down for a nap, but instead of climbing into her designated spot, she crawled into Rob’s bunk gently so that she wouldn’t wake him. After taking a few seconds to listen to his breathing, Jane wiggled herself into a comfortable position and let her eyes flutter shut. Hopefully soon, Rob would wake up, and she’d be able to get a better grip on the situation. But, in the back of Jane’s mind was another desire that she feared would overpower the logical one. [i]”No, Jane. When he wakes up, you talk to him. That’s it.”[/i] Something about what Rob said, even if he didn’t mean it, somehow still triggered Jane’s sensual side. His approached at least [i]seemed[/i] honest enough. An hour or two later, Jane awoke to motion behind her, and almost immediately, she flipped over and began to kiss Rob’s neck and collarbones. “Hey,” she whispered against his skin, “welcome back.” Jane paused for a moment as her conscious spoke to her: [i]”Stop it, Jane.”[/i] But, she was past the point of no return. “Rob,” she whispered again, this time looking down at him. “I wanna pick up where we left earlier and talk, but not right now.” Without breaking eye contact, and arm reached over and closed the bunks curtain to the side of them before she leaned in to kiss him. [center]*****[/center] Jane laid on Rob’s chest in silence, her fingers lightly grazing his chest. She was starting to think bringing anything up at all would only ruin the moment, but she knew it was probably her distaste for confrontation swaying her. She swallowed, then propped herself up on an elbow to look at it. “So,” she cleared her throat, “earlier, when – “ Her phone began to vibrate underneath her, and once she found it, she saw Austin’s name blinking on the screen. “Fuck,” she whispered as before answering the call. “Hey, Aust.” “Hey, we’re meeting outside in five. A cab should be there already.” “Uh, yeah. Okay, I’ll be out in a sec.” Jane hung up and sighed in frustration. “I promised them I’d go grab a drink before the set. How ‘bout I text you the address of wherever we meet up, and if you wanna, you can come by when you’re ready?” Without waiting for an answer, Jane kissed his forehead and pushed herself up. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, and after looking both ways to see the empty van, her nude form popped out from the bunk, grabbed her clothes from hers, and dashed into the bathroom. A few minutes later, she reappeared, crouching down next to Rob. “I get it if you don’t want to, but it’d be nice for you to come. It’ll just be Andy, Austin and I.” She faintly smiled and squeezed his hand, then she was off. [center]*****[/center] Jane’s fingers quickly typed out the address to the bar downtown and sent it to Rob before stuffing the phone inside her purse. “Zoe and I hooked up again,” Andy admitted as he rubbed his temples. Austin and Jane both looked at each other with wide eyes, then back to Andy himself. “Are you serious?” Jane asked first. “Yeah, this morning. One minute we were yelling at each other, and the next…” Andy shook his head. “Probably wasn’t the best idea, but with everything going on, I think she just needed someone.” Austin laughed. “What did Rob do to her?” Andy shrugged and took a sip of his beer. “No clue. She won’t talk about it. All I know is she’s upset.” Jane somehow felt responsible for it all – Rob ending things with Zoe, how much of a wreck he must’ve been to take three Ambien, for Andy and Zoe hooking up again. What was she doing to everyone? “It’s like a fishbowl! Soon Zoe and Jane are gonna be together,” Austin said as he ruffled her hair, and she punched his arm in return. “Fuck off,” Jane rolled her eyes. “Andy probably has a better chance with Rob.” Andy smirked. “Don’t tempt me with a good time. Speaking of, is Rob coming?” “I asked him to. I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him,” Jane mumbled as she took a sip of her drink. She was starting to feel guilty for that – for giving in to her vices instead of using the time wisely – but it was too late for that now. Plus, Rob knew it was a form of expression for her, right? “I hope he does.”