The night Jane was having with Austin and Andy had definitely been entertaining; the bar they chose was dark and small, not one person approaching them for a picture or a conversation, and the conversation was light and enjoyable. But, although she was physically there, her mind seemed to bounce back and forth between the reality in front of her and the mystery surrounding what had happened before she had gotten there and what would happen after. A hand on her knee snapped her back into her seat at the bar. Andy's. But this touch wasn't one sensual in nature, but one of concern she concluded, given the quizzical look on his face. Jane shook her head playfully and whispered that she was fine, and the both of them turned their attention back to Austin, who was telling a ridiculous story about one of the girls he had met on their journey through Europe. "So then, she starts talking about how much I look like her cousin [i]while we're making out[/i], and after a while, I made up an excuse that I forgot about a practice and fucking ran out of there." The three of them laughed, and as soon as Jane took a sip of her beer, her phone vibrated inside of her pocket. Two texts from Rob appeared on the mosaic-like home screen, and all she could do was sigh. "I guess he's not coming. How long do we have before our set?" "An hour. Then Vicarious," Austin answered as he looked as his own phone. "We need some new covers or something. I'm getting sick of playing the same shit every night." Jane nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Maybe next free day we get, we can work on something." Andy put an arm around Jane and rubbed her shoulder gently. "How ya doing, babe?" His voice was quiet and gentle, not his usual tone that he spoke to her in. "I'm okay," she said in an equally quiet decibel. "Just got a lot on my mind." He nudged her. "I'd normally offer to help you with that, but something tells me you're not in the mood." Jane couldn't help but laugh as she scratched her head. “Yeah, unfortunately. Sorry, And.” “Shh,” he shushed her as she squeezed her shoulder, then recoiled his arm that was around her. “Don’t sweat it.” It was the first time in what felt like ages that Jane had turned down an offer like that from someone she was attracted to, but she knew if she had agreed, she’d only be in her thoughts the whole time. Thoughts about someone that wasn’t Andy. The situation that they were all in had been a dream of Jane’s for years: having not one, but two people that were there for her, both mentally and physically. Two men, both attractive, both good guys. How could she complain? The only problem that she was now becoming aware of was that, with the confirmation of Rob having the same feelings as her, would she now have to lose Andy? Although her feelings for him were much different for him than Rob, Jane couldn’t deny the attachment she was beginning to develop. Andy had been so emotionally attentive to her with all of the drama the tour had facilitated, he was funny and kind, and their chemistry seemed something so automatic. Maybe that was how Rob felt with Zoe. From the outside, her relationship with each would most likely be indistinguishable. But Jane knew that was far from the truth. Before embarking on tour, before the single was ever written, Jane and Rob’s bond was unbreakable. Seven years of relationships, death, parents, friends, drugs, booze, and music had never threatened the nature of their friendship, which made Jane wonder why now, during this tour, it had become so fragile. Yes, the introduction of romantic feelings was the biggest complication, but something so trivial would normally pale in comparison to what the both of them had been through before. So what was it? There were so many things that she loved about Rob and didn’t verbalize enough. So many attributes that weren’t in most of the people she had met before. Like the way Rob had always taken care of her. When her mother died, he barely left her side until she was able to cope on her own. Even back when they were and high school, when Jane was out sick, he’d always stop by to check on her. And of course, all the nights Rob had taken care of her when she had partied way harder than she knew she could handle. When she put herself in dangerous situations without any hesitation. He would find her, bring her home, and put her to bed, never expecting a ‘thank you’ in return. And even when – mentally – Jane was having her bad days, Rob would absorb her anger or depression without getting upset with her. And his patience. She had no problem admitting that she was a lot to handle. Between the drugs, the unsavory characters she spent periods of time with, her tendency to be dramatic, and her selfishness, Rob never ended their friendship. He’d stay up all night with her, letting her vent about this and that, without interruption or frustration, even if she had never asked him how [i]he[/i] was doing throughout the duration of her rambling. Rob’s ability to stay calm during complicated situations was admirable; an even temper that Jane could never seem to adapt seemed to come so naturally to him. Things were different now – Rob was beginning to lose this side of himself – but Jane could only blame herself for that. Come to think of it, any sane person probably would have gotten fed up by now. Jane surely would have. People like Austin and Sam were different; yes, they’d been friends with her for years, but her emotions were never so on display with them. Not like with Rob. And Andy, the newest to enter her circle, although there for her now, wouldn’t always be there for her. And now, on top of the mental abuse Jane felt like she had already put him through, everything on tour probably only solidified the fact that being with her would not be a walk in the park. The fact that Jane could never be sober, her constant need for physical attention, the part of her that wasn’t sure if she could ever truly be in a committed relationship. She had been focused only on how all of this made [i]her[/i] feel, but hadn’t been checking in with Rob like she should have. Now, she had exhausted him, and although he said he loved her, only a conversation with him would truly – “J?” Jane’s focus turned from a random spot on the wall a few feet away to Austin and front of her, who looked at her with a confused expression. “Shit,” she mumbled as she rubbed her temples. “I’m sorry, guys. Do you, uh, do you guys mind if I head out?” Jane took a moment to pick up her drink and take the last few gulps of her beer. “I gotta clear my head before the show tonight.” Andy and Austin both looked to each other and nodded. “Yeah, of course,” Andy replied as he stood up from his seat. “Call us if you need us, okay? We’ll see you at the venue.” Jane nodded and waved to Austin, then turned back to Andy to give him a hug goodbye, but as they released each other, they both looked at each other momentarily. His eyes looked pained, as if he knew that Rob’s revelation could point to the potential end of what he and Jane had. And in all of her confusion, she didn’t have the means to comfort him, and she could only give him a solemn expression in response. He nodded, then leaned in to kiss her, only lingering for a moment before leaning back up to his full height. It took her off guard; they had never really shown affection to that extent outside of the bedroom. If Jane wasn’t bewildered before, she surely was now. Before moving, she paused for a second, cocking her head to the side as she looked up to him, but as soon as the moment happened, she exited the bar into the cold, dark downtown area, wrapping her arms around herself as she began down the street. Even through a t shirt, a flannel, and a leather jacket, the air still found a way to chill her to the bone, causing her body to tremble and her bottom lip to quiver as she pushed her way past others walking down the sidewalk. Her earbuds were playing [url=https://youtu.be/EBIpkumwtfU]Stonehands by B&C[/url] loudly when she finally reached the roof to the venue they’d be playing in only a half an hour later. She could see their bus parked in the lot, and she could only wonder if Rob was in there currently, or if he was off doing the same thing as she was: attempting to process everything that had happened between them leading up to this very day, and where to go from there. Jane sank down to the ground and leaned her back up against the chest high ledge that encompassed the flat rooftop, pulling a joint out from behind her ear and after three tries, finally lighting it. The logical part of Jane’s brain, however small, was telling her to wait until she spoke with Rob to jump to any conclusions about what it all meant. If she had learned anything from the past few months, it was that the worst seems to happen when they [i]don’t[/i] talk. The thought made Jane pull out her phone and orchestrate a text back to Rob. [i]Jane, 8:12 PM[/i]: [b]Don’t worry about it. And yeah, me too. Maybe after the set?[/b] The joint was at its end when Jane noticed the presence of another person on the roof with her, causing her to jump. “I’m sorry!” Lyla called out as she put her hands up in the air. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” Jane put a hand on her chest and shook her head. “No, no. It wasn’t you.” She grunted as she got up from the ground and walked towards Lyla a few feet. “What’s up?” “Set starts in about fifteen. I learned that if any band members are missing, at least one’s on the roof.” Lyla smiled sincerely as she shivered from the breeze. “Really? Who was the last person you found up here?” Jane bit her lip as she waited for an answer, already knowing the answer. “Rob, last night before you he saw, well, you know,” Lyla explained, her voice growing quieter and quieter. “Oh,” Jane nodded. She knew that Rob only came up to the roof when he was either upset or needed to think (or to find Jane), causing her to wonder which it was. “I’m sorry if you got involved it that. It was an accident.” Lyla shook her head and waved a hand. “No, don’t worry about it. I’m touring with a band who’s confined to a bus for weeks at a time. I expected a [i]little[/i] drama.” After they both chuckled, Lyla grabbed Jane’s hand and inspected her nails. “When’s the last time you got a manicure?” “Ha!” Jane exclaimed. “I don’t think I ever got one. My friend Mia made me get my toes done once, but that was it.” Lyla’s eyes widened at her response. “Jesus. I’ve never met a girl older than ten who hadn’t gotten her nails done at least twice.” She now squeezed Jane’s smaller hand in hers. “What do you say you and I get a little pampering done tomorrow? I’m sure Harold would be happy knowing the money was going somewhere other than food and booze.” Jane paused for a moment, biting her lip in thought, but ultimately replied with a sheepish “Okay.” Lyla showed a toothy grin as she pulled Jane’s hand to lead her off the roof. “Then it’s a date. We’ll get some breakfast, get our nails done, maybe find someone who’d be willing to brush your hair.” “Hey,” Jane nudged her. “It’s not [i]that[/i] bad.” [center]*****[/center] “Check, check, check, heeeeeey, check, check,” Jane’s raspy voice cut through the low rumble from the patron’s in the bar. She had missed the scheduled sound check, so she rushed to find a good volume for the feedback amps that sat at her feet. “Yeah, man, that’s good.” Rob had already been on stage by the time she was inside the venue, so she could only offer him a quick wave before the lighting in the room adjusted, signaling that they were going to begin. Jane used one foot to take the other’s shoe off until her feet were against the cold wooden floor of the stage, and she haphazardly tossed them to the side before turning her head back towards the crowd. “Hey, everyone,” she mumbled into the mic as she worked to shorten it considerably. “I’m Jane Molloy, and we’re In Bloom from Long Beach, California.” Then, she began to peel off her leather jacket as Sam’s guitar began to hum behind her. “Thank you all for coming out tonight to see us and Vicarious. We’re a long way from home, and we weren’t really sure what to expect when we got out here.” The crowd cheered in response. “Hit it, Sam.” [center]*****[/center] As usual, Jane’s hands rested on her knees as she caught her breath off to the side of the stage, saying quiet “thank yous” as people passed and complimented her performance. Soon, Sam and Austin were in front of her, and she straightened her posture so that she could talk with them. “That was probably your best performance since we started this tour,” Sam said in his normal, stern voice. “For sure, man,” Austin added, “you killed it.” “Thanks, guys,” Jane replied breathily, wiping her flannel’s sleeve across her face. “I think I should warn you,” Sam began as he stepped closer to her. “Harold said that if you keep missing performances or getting too fucked up, he might stage an intervention when we get back. Said something about holding out your portion of the profit until you get clean.” Jane nearly choked on the water she grabbed from the craft table. “Are you fucking [i]serious[/i]? Can he even do that?” “I don’t know how much he meant it. He was kinda pissed from you missing that show when he said it.” “Fuck,” she whispered as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Okay. Thanks.” The two left, leaving Jane alone with yet another thing to think about. When was it going to get easier? Would it [i]ever[/i] get easier? Soon, Jane caught of glimpse of Rob exiting the stage, and her heart immediately began racing. “Rob,” she called as she approached him, her lip quivering once again, but this time, it wasn’t from the cold. She was about to cry. “Hey,” she began as she caught up to him, “come outside with me.” She yanked his arm towards the back door, only illuminated by a green ‘EXIT’ sign hanging above it, and once the cold air hit her face, and she confirmed no one else was in the alleyway, Jane could no longer control her emotions. Tears began to well up quickly, exiting her eyes and streaming down her face. She turned to Rob and immediately buried her face into his shirt, barely reaching his chest as she began to cry. It was as if all the emotions she had buried deep down since the beginning of the tour were bubbling to the surface at once. After a minute or two passed, Jane finally began to feel relief from her outburst, and she pulled away from Rob as she dabbed her eyes with her shirt sleeve. “I’m sorry,” she said weakly. “I’m fucking [i]tired.[/i] And overwhelmed. This whole tour has really kicked my ass.” Both hands ran though her hair, pushing it back out of her face, and she began to pace in front of him slowly. “I’m, uh, not sure how much you remember of our conversation this morning. I did a little research on Ambien, and jesus, Rob, you shouldn’t fucking take that much.” She couldn’t help but laugh at her attempt to scold him. “But, I’m sorry about you seeing Andy last night. I really didn’t mean for that to happen. The lines of what’s acceptable and what’s not are already so blurry and I don’t wanna make them worse.” Jane paused and swiveled her body to him. “How much of the conversation [i]do[/i] you remember?” She didn't want to mention what Rob said only for the possibility that he didn't remember telling her he loved her. It would be awkward for the both of them, she was sure, and the last thing she wanted was to add any more tension between them. But as she stood there, her heart pounded in her chest as she looked at the man in front of her, desperately hoping he did recall what happened between them.