[quote=@Mammalia]
I'm sorry. I can't hold up this lie anymore. I was never allowed to go back to MR. The day I came back, I was praying out of desperation. God showed me a lot more than usual that day, and all of it pointed to not going back, and though I knew in my heart what the truth was, I deliberately misinterpreted everything He said to me, lying to you and myself. It has become clear to me the reason I can't be a part of the roleplay right now--I have no self-control about using MR, and for a number of reasons, that's especially bad at this time of my life.

TL;DR: I'm leaving the IC, because I was never supposed to be there in the first place. But I'm staying in the OOC, because you're my friends, and that's what the vision I received really meant. I'm sorry for all the trouble and whatever confusion you may have. It's my fault alone, not yours.
[/quote]

Why not develop the self control and then return? This isn't going to do anything other than impede your progression. Nothing good comes out of flip-flopping and you need to find something stable before you can move to something that requires judgement.