[quote=@solokolos]
Thank I really can't thank you enough for the feedback. The fact that you took the time out to help me so directly is very altruistic, and I appreciate it so much. I just need a mini version of you that can improve my writing 24/7.
[/quote]

Honestly I don't mind this kind of work.

My advice for the characters would be try to think a bit about who they are before you starting writing them. How they react under pressure, what they like to do normally, maybe a few significant events in their lives that shape the way they look at the world. If you can understand who you are writing about it becomes infinitely easier to get the correct information across. Also helps with the tone of the story.

If I'm being honest it is sort of a relief to have someone appreciate my critiques. Most people just get annoyed that I'm being overly harsh because, being the tactless bastard I am, I don't pull my punches when I look over material. If I see something wrong I will give it to you straight.