[center][h3][b][color=8dc73f]Upworthy:[/color][/b][/h3][/center]
[b]Austere spelling.[/b]

[indent][indent]Everyone likes posts which they don't have to decipher by jumping over typo hurdles or trippy keyboarding in order to comprehend the context. [color=fff79a]You keep doing what you do for this[/color] standard of spelling, sonny. //sheds tear of pride[/indent][/indent]

[b]Passable grammar.[/b]

[indent][indent][color=fff79a]The usage of 'would' is a bit off.[/color] While it's the past tense of "will [verb]", it makes the narration sound more hypothetical than absolute. It's more appropriate in use if you're allowing options for the other roleplayer to respond to, such as "If [other person] chose to open the middle door, they would be blasted with a torrent of rotten stench."

Aside from this, good job.[/indent][/indent]

[b]Good punctuation.[/b]

[indent][indent]By good I mean [color=fff79a]closing dialogue in a suitable way[/color]. (A period/full-stop before a quotation mark.) It's a big thing for me - like pretty much everything else. Keep it up; we could always, always do with more of this.[/indent][/indent]

[center][h3][b][color=9e0b0f]Nitpick:[/color][/b][/h3][/center]
[b]Vocabulary.[/b]

[indent][indent][color=bc8dbf][i]Not encouraging purple prose here.[/i][/color] Just felt that using a few less-overused-but-quite-common words would invoke a more dramatic atmosphere, given the content.

Such as swapping out [b]"scared"[/b] for [i]'frightened'[/i], [i]'terrified'[/i], or [i]'aghast'[/i] ... [b]"stuck"[/b] for [i]'lodged'[/i], [i]'jammed'[/i], [i]'trapped'[/i] ...

In any case, the more you read and practise writing, the more easier you'll find to pick the right thesaurus that creates the mood you aim for in writing. Don't stress out.[/indent][/indent]

[b]Details.[/b]

[indent][indent]You don't have to list out every stimuli or material, right down to tactile, but throwing in [color=bc8dbf]details for surrounding[/color] sounds (hasty footsteps), smell of air (earthy, and pungent with fear), texture of the ground (dry and solid, or loose and muddy), lighting of the environment, etc.

It helps make the read more intriguing and less mechanical, unless that [i]is[/i] what you're aiming for.[/indent][/indent]

[hr]
[b][i]Edited for elaboration and ~[color=f49ac2]c[color=8493ca]o[color=82ca9d]l[color=f9ad81]o[color=f7e76a]u[/color]r[/color]i[/color]n[/color]g[/color]~ because I'm ridorkulous.[/i][/b]