I would rather live naked in a cave somewhere in the mountains of Greece making hand written copy after copy of the Christian bible while living on bread and water, thinking about women and wine and all of the beautiful parts of life that I am missing out on, but I persevere because of my steadfast mission, my meaningful dedication to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, and the promise of an afterlife I know in my heart will be worth the life I have lost, and it will be worth the sores that now cover my body because of the constant exposure and poor hygiene, and worth the loss of my teeth one by one in bloody and painful succession, because the lack of vitamins in my diet are taking a toll on my health, so now my own fresh and malnourished blood dribbles onto the pages of my carefully constructed bibles, marring the work ever so slightly that one thing, the one small thing that seems so huge in my life because it is all that ties me to the physical world, can never be perfect in the eyes of God or man, bringing doubts in my heart that grow like an internal blackness, larger and larger until on my dying day thirty years hence, I will feel completely hopeless, alone, and like a person who has wasted their life, and my faith will slowly slip until at that last moment, at that very last moment, when the final coherent thought slips into my fading conscious, it will be that black doubt that I leave the world with.

Would you rather kiss a butt or eat a cup of boogers?