[quote=@POOHEAD189] [hider=To Dervs] I didn't expect to get a reply so quick, so thank you! I'd like to point out that I had not even really proofread it yet so I expected there to be many problems. I think you might have read it a teeny bit quickly though, so I'll clarify on a few things. I decided it was best to adhere to the lore instead of making one up on my own. Because he had a small retinue of guards and had given up soldiery. The land he was in was 'relatively' safe, but as everyone knows who's played an ES game, sometimes bandits appear. To be honest I felt a bit cliche' with that as well, but I also feel like it used to be so common that now it's kind of uncommon. Kind of like the ideal knightly character, that used to be so prevalent, has now given way to the anti-hero or the gritty immoral protagonist that everyone now loves. I could change it though. No offense (and I mean it, just speaking my mind) but I feel like this is more 'not to your tastes' than 'unbelievable' or 'cartoony.' I'd call riding a dragon cartoony, and dead parents bad luck. You seem to be very wary of certain tropes because you might or might not have had bad experiences with people who used them in the past. And while learning from the past is certainly the smart thing to do, it's also kind of odd to have a 'no dead parents' policy for all, especially those who've shown they don't go overboard with things as I'd [i]like[/i] to think I have. I have a few friends who've had luck similar to this, and as a military historian I've seen many cases of things like this. Plus Markus would have plenty of friends alive and well, but I didn't think I'd need to list all of the guys he meets at a pub every friday night, or cousins he visits. I was under the impression that history was about twists and plot points. Though I am playing with the idea that his mother is ok and the Count could have been poisoned instead. I might do that. Edit: Now that I think on it though, I will do that. Whether or not it's cliche, it seems like an overused trope I have here and just doesn't seem tasteful. Though I'll need to think of a justified reason he'd leave his single mother. Maybe give him a sibling that's more dutiful. He was thinking of them as being the same kind of people that killed his father, more like. Though to a young vigilante, most criminals seem cut from the same cloth I'd imagine. It was intentional. I kinda did it to hit home on the kind of people Markus would now be dealing with, and I was thinking it would be a name given to an unwanted child. I wasn't planning on making a thorough backstory for him though. I don't quite understand the sentence. I'm not sure which guy you refer to, unless you mean the one who killed Elenwyn. I was thinking the fact that 1) medieval societies arent known for their crack CSI squads to mean that he might not think too much on killing her, and 2) the fact that the general consensus of an Alter living in the capital city is a bad one and many wouldn't care if a body was found somewhere, and 3) there is such a thing as bribing city guards. I'll word this better but it was only him knowing a few merchants in the Imperial city, which is what I meant by fledgling. It would have [i]no[/i] impact on anything in Skyrim as a whole, or even most of Cyrodiil. Also, assume the stuff I didn't comment on will be changed as well. Ok so, other than problems with history, my list of things to do is [list] [*] Reword his weaknesses. I was more thinking of him maybe taking a leap across a crevice without using rope, more than him giving away his team when they are trying to evade enemies. [*] Switch mercantile with theif. I was looking up Oblivion skills earlier, my bad. [*] Reword on personality. [*] Switch Mede to Mete [*] Flesh out more on his experiences as a thief [/list] [/hider] Also speaking of Dax, he is now walking into the Inn with Raelyn if anyone wants to collab or say hi. [/quote] I still feel like the Guard would know of the loan shark that kills everyone who doesn't pay their loans and connect all the bodies to him. It's less CSI and more because in a place like Anvil or most towns outside of the Imperial City, it seems like everyone knows (of) everyone. Besides, loan sharks in this day and age, where forensics have gone far, don't kill their clientele. It's bad business. People would be too scared to even consider coming to you for loans if they know that's their fate if they don't pay.