He pushed her away. Why did he keep pushing her away and pulling her back in? Not just physically, but emotionally too. The boy was playing with her emotions in the same way she played Beethoven on the piano. One moment, the music was fast and intense, and the next it was slow and deep. What did he want from her? She thought she couldn’t make it any more clear how she felt and what she wanted. And then he blurted it all out. He said what was truly on his mind, and how he really felt about her. He tiptoed around the subject before, but the stress of the situation overcoming him. She was a burden. She was an omen of terror. She was selfish.

She felt her throat closing up, air being cut off from her lungs. She couldn’t breath, her heart pounding in her chest, her vision going blurry. What had she done? How did she let it get this far? And why did it all feel so right to her still, even though Ezra was doing everything to convince her otherwise? She still deeply wanted the things she said. She didn’t care anymore what that meant for her, but god forbid, anything happened to Ezra. She was selfish.

Marta didn’t hear Ezra say to call a cab. She didn’t see him go over the couch. All she could see was a white light. Her mind buzzing, it sounded like a hornet’s nest in her head. What was she suppose to do now? Her strength was dwindling, she couldn’t keep fighting Ezra, convincing him this was what she wanted and how much she cared for him. It was like banging her head against the wall, one could only do it for so long before passing out. He didn’t want her in his life. She told him to tell her to leave, but he didn’t. But everything else he said and did proved otherwise. Yet, she let herself believe when he didn’t push her away, it would be ok. She was selfish.

Marta wasn’t even aware of what her body did next. Her feet moving on their own. Without a word, she turned and walked down the stairs, stumbling at the bottom a little and landing awkwardly on one knee. She stood and opened the door. The rain had subsided, but it was dark out and with the state Marta was in, it would be a miracle if she managed to go one block without running into something. She left, unaware of the danger she may have just put herself in, and Ezra, if he was stupidly followed her. But Marta didn’t expect him to come after her, why would he? He said it himself, she was selfish.