[b]“I love you. I just…I just want you to know that.”[/b]

It was from that moment on that Jane knew where Rob was heading, but instead of stopping it then, she remained in the fetal position she was in during the meeting, wiping her tears subtly as they fell from her eyes. Jane couldn’t not let him share his feelings – the ones she begged for him to tell her – so with the little willpower she had in her body, she left him finish before she reacted. 

And man, was that difficult.

Part of her knew it had to have been coming, but the other part was completely taken by surprise. The brain and the heart. With each word he spoke, it was harder and harder for her to sit there and take it. It felt like self-abuse by the time Rob had finished with: [b]”Because what’s working right now…it just isn’t.”[/b]

With that last sentence, Jane felt the last bit of emotion she was trying so hard to desperately push down come bubbling back up. “Fuck,” was all she could get out at first, and that was only a whisper between sniffling and involuntary noises from crying. 

Was Rob wrong? Of course not. Their relationship had felt like an impossible obstacle course since it started. They had both done damage to each other with both words and actions. They ruined a tour. They hurt their friends. So many things had gone south in just a few months that it’d be ridiculous to keep things going. But it didn’t make it hurt less.

Jane had finally calmed down enough to speak. “I-I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes were fixed on the floor between them, blurry with tears. Would she be able to say anything right now that wasn’t completely emotionally driven? 

[i]”Why did you bother telling me your feelings in the first place?”[/i]
[i]”Are you seriously gonna end it after all that we’ve been through?”[/i]
[i]”I might be pregnant. Please don’t leave me yet.”[/i]

No. The answer was no. She wasn’t going to be an adult about the situation, at least right now. Even Jane would admit she was too immature for that. Instead, she used the long sleeve of her t-shirt to violently rub her eyes, then almost abruptly, she stood up for from the chair. 

“Rob. I respect your decision. But… I can’t be here right now… with you. I’m sorry.”  Jane picked up her bag from the chair and fanned her face with her hands before looking down at him, finally making eye contact with him. “I love you.” 

And with that, she briskly walked out the door and down the hall of the venue, shielding her face from the bright light of the sun that greeted her. What was she going to do? Harold had asked them to keep a low profile in the bus all day, but being trapped with Rob would just be too painful. 

“Lyla?” Jane whispered into the phone a few minutes later on the side of the venue. “It’s Jane.”

“Hey, Jane, is everything okay? You –“ 

“Are you in the bus?” Jane felt bad for interrupting, but everything seemed so urgent at the moment.

“Yeah…” Lyla replied, her tone suspicious. “What’s going on?” 

“I, um, do you mind just coming to get brunch with me somewhere? Anywhere. I’ll wear a hoodie and sunglasses. I-I just can’t be in the bus right now.” 

“Okay. Where should I meet you?” Lyla’s voice went from weary to maternal in an instant. 

“I’ll text you a place we can eat.”

[center]*****[/center]

Once Lyla met Jane at a small café, they wasted no time getting down to what had happened between her and Rob. Jane had even gone far back into history, answering Lyla’s question about their friendship, and all the minute details that led up to this moment now. Jane would have to take breaks between sentences to compose herself before continuing, and it made her feel weak. Stupid. Just like the dumb girls she had made fun of in the past for being so dramatic during a breakup. 

But this felt different. She was now [i]alone[/i]. Alone half way across the world from her home. Andy wasn’t even here any longer to lessen the blow. She’d have to go through it herself.

“And now… I think I’m pregnant,” Jane whispered and looked around the shop with paranoia. 

“Oh my [i]god[/i],” Lyla replied, putting a hand up to her mouth. “Whose is it?” 

“There’s a fifty-fifty chance it could be either Rob’s or Andy’s.” Jane shook her head in disappointment with herself. “I haven’t taken the test yet, so I’m not sure.” 

“Do you have it [i]here[/i]?” Lyla’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, it’s uh, it’s in my bag.” 

“Well, damn it, Jane, take it! Here!” 

Jane lowered her sunglasses and looked Lyla in the eyes sternly. “Jesus, calm down.” She scanned the café once again. “Fine, but can we finish eating first?” 

“Are you gonna keep it?” Lyla asked, ignoring Jane’s request.

“Of course not.” Jane rubbed her face. “One, I can barely take care of myself. Two, Andy isn’t here anymore. And three, Rob just dumped me. What about that says, ‘Hell yeah, let me have a kid right now’?” 

“Errr, you’re right.” Lyla put her fingers to her temples. “Well. Okay. Let’s eat.” 

[center]*****[/center]

Jane sat on the toilet as Lyla turned to face the wall in the corner.

“Oh, come on, don’t be weird,” Jane rolled her eyes as she peed on the stick. “I’m almost done.”

Lyla turned around slowly from the corner and couldn’t help but laugh. “Cameron didn’t tell me this was part of my job description.” 

She chuckled. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” Jane pulled the stick up and placed the cap on the top. “Shit,” she whispered and placed in on the bathroom sink. “Can you… Can you tell me when it’s done?”

“Yeah,” Lyla nodded with a faint smile. 

Two minutes felt like an eternity, and both girls waiting in a painful silence until the recommended time was up. “Okay, Jane,” she nearly whispered. “I’m going to look at it.” 

Jane squeezed her eyes shut and mumbled something in reply from the other side of the one-person bathroom. If there was ever a time where she felt the least mentally prepared to do this, it was now, but she couldn’t put it off any longer. The reason Jane’s life was spiraling out of control was because she put things off instead of dealing with them head on. 

Lyla gasped as she picked the test up from the counter, confirming Jane’s fears. “Two lines?” Jane’s groaned.

“Yeah,” Lyla whispered. “Two lines.”

“Fuck,” Jane cursed sharply, covering her hands with her face. “Okay, okay, I just have to get my insurance information from Harold, then I should be able to take care of it.” 

“J-Jane,” Lyla stepped closer to her. “You should [i]at least[/i] tell Rob and Andy.” 

She didn’t look up from her hands. “Why? Wouldn’t it only make things worse?”

“They just deserve to know,” Lyla explain as she rubbed Jane’s shoulders. “It’ll be okay. I won't tell anyone.” 

“Thanks for sitting here with me, Lyla.”

[center]*****[/center]

Lyla had returned to the bus, but Jane had walked around the city aimlessly for a while. She wasn’t ready to face Rob. All she wanted right now was to be held by him like she had been that morning, or to kiss his lips and neck and try to convince his neck, or –

Jane’s phone vibrated in her purse, and she leaned against a brick wall that lined the sidewalk as she dug through her bag to retrieve it. 

“Hey, Harold,” her voice nearly cracked from crying earlier.

“Jesus, what happened, Jane? You sound like shit. I told you to stay in the bus until the show tonight.”

“I’m sorry, I needed some fresh air. Can we cancel the show tonight?” Jane winced as she asked, knowing it wouldn’t go over well.

“Absolutely not. Somehow, even with Vicarious dropping, it’s almost sold out. You’re gonna have to suck it up.” Harold’s voice portrayed his unwillingness to budge, and Jane receded.

“Okay. Can you, uh, send me that insurance information you were going to?” 

“Are you sick?” Harold asked. 

Jane paused for a moment. “Something like that. Please, just send me a picture of my cards or something.”

“Okay. You’ll have time to go to the doctor tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Harold.” Jane hung up the call and dropped the phone bag into her purse and sighed. She was already exhausted from the day, and it was only an hour past noon. She knew she needed to lay down and rest before the show tonight, but what if Rob was in the bus? What would she do? After a yawn consumed her momentarily, she knew she didn’t have a choice, and she decided to call a cab to head back to the bus. 

[center]*****[/center]
 
Jane reluctantly entered the bus and peered down the aisle before stepping on. No Rob in sight – maybe he was in the bathroom or something – but she took it as an opportunity to dash to her bed, throw up her bag, and quickly climb up into the bunk, closing the curtain behind her. She undressed and stuffed her clothes in to the corner, then curled up in the blanket in a fetal position underneath it. 

And as she laid by herself in the cold sheets, she felt painfully alone. The sensation made tears come right back to her eyes, and her body began to shake as she silently cried. Her head throbbed from being sober this long, and her finger trembled from stress as she tried to remove the strands of hair that stuck to her face. She was a wreck. She was truly a heartbroken wreck. Imagining how the show would go tonight only made her feel worse.

She thought of all the memories that had accumulated over the past seven years. All of the laughs, the tears, the good times and bad. All the fun that they had shared. All the times she had laid in his arms. Every time she had been angry at him. 

All she wanted was Rob, and now, she couldn’t have him. 

Jane soon fell into a deep, deep sleep, one that not even the commotion from everyone being in the van could shake her from. At one point, she heard Austin’s voice ask if she was okay, but she only groaned in response. She didn’t want to talk to [i]anyone.[/i]