"The nightmares...I see them even when I'm awake. I'm on the ground and I can't reach you or you can't reach me. Every time you go from my side or when I feel the pain it's like you're too far away. I can't stop him from hurting you. I'm being needy. I've had you at my side for so long now that you leave the room and I feel like you'll never come back or I'll never see you again. It's like I'll wake up in that hospital bed again but you won't be waiting for me. I know it's stupid and I know you would never go, but my mind can't help but trail into the dark thoughts of you figuring out that this isn't worth losing your family over. I'm not worth it, this life of terror isn't worth it. Why would you choose to live in fear if you don't have to. I don't think my brain will ever understand that, but that just means you need to stay by my side for as long as you can. I want to be able to follow you out of the bedroom and clean up messes left behind," Ezra said feeling a little defeated. 

He wanted nothing more than to be able to walk from the bed to the door by himself without feeling sore, but the doctor had followed up with him and it would be a long while before he was moving long distances by himself. When he did start walking he would need the crutches and he wouldn't be able to hold her the ways that he used to. 

"Will you still love me if I force you in my line of sight for the rest of our lives. I don't ever want to not be able to see your face," he whispered lifting his hand and grazing his fingers along her cheek. It was nice to touch her freely without his parents around to keep watch of them. He pushed himself towards her and gave her a kiss on the lips parting her mouth his tongue and then pulling away slowly so that he didn't wince. "I'm not making sense tonight, I'm sorry. I don't know how to think right now. I'm torn between asking you to go back make amends with your parents and asking you to rest your head on my chest and kiss it like you did minutes ago. I don't know what's right and what's wrong these days and you leave me confused and torn in two, but I'm never sure if that's good or bad. Are we good or bad. Is God looking down at us ashamed or proud. If he didn't want me to die then why would he try and take my life so many times? Did he see me falling in love with you and think death was the only punishment suitable for me?"

He'd questioned his God multiple times since being with Marta, and since Hitler began to gain control. Was this their punishment. Was he really more inferior than Marta or Oscar? Should he be more like Oscar in order to live a life where he didn't have to fear. If he was being honest he wished at times he could give up his practice, give up being Jewish and move away from this life, but it was too late. He was in too deep and Marta would never just pack up and start a brand new with him. His parents would never let him leave with her. It was either he goes alone or he stays here.