Ezra returned the kisses, but his body was more tense than it used to be. She hadn't seemed to notice though, which he found as a good sign. He allowed her to have her way with him and to move him about without resistance as he tried to process the emotions flowing through him. Jeremiah was right. He was feeling things he hadn't felt in months and to be around her again, to smell her hair and to feel the softness of her skin against his made his body tremble a bit, but he did his best to keep strong and to not allow any slip ups. 

"We came for your birthday. Isiah is upstairs now with  Atalia I assume. He convinced Jeremiah I needed this,” Ezra said slowly to make sure he picked his words carefully. He moved her legs a little bit and reached into the pocket of his pants pulling out a small gold necklace with the star of david hanging on it almost matching Ezra’s, “I hope you like it. I had to send Isiah out for it because I wasn’t allowed back in town yet. If you don’t want it I can just get rid of it. I don’t even know if you’re allowed to wear that. I can only have mine on at the farmhouse.”

His words were soft and they appeared to be rehearsed like he had practice saying everything before meeting with her. He let out a bit of a sigh as he realized he hadn’t wished her a happy birthday. He blushed just slightly and regained composure quickly.

“Happy birthday, Marta. We have the day planned for you. I hope you don’t mind Isiah and Atalia tagging along though. Jeremiah made him in charge of watching me and making sure I don’t slip up like I did,” he said forcing a smile on his face.

He wanted to pull her completely onto his lap and to kiss her with blind intensity, but he restrained himself. The training over the past week had done him good. He refused to be brought under by her warmth. If he allowed himself to give in just a bit his lust for blood would quit and he would let everyone down. He decided to keep his mother’s death a secret for a bit longer. There was no need to bring her mood down so soon in their encounter.

After a moment he reached his hand over to push the hair from her face, but his hand hesitated slightly and then fell before touching her. He felt an ache in his chest that seemed to be there since he first laid eyes on her and he could feel the tears ready to come again as his vision of her blurred. He was struggling internally with what he wanted to do vs what he needed to do. The lines seemed to blur and he could feel his resolve began to shift when a tear rolled down his cheek.

[i][b]Seeing her might bring back emotions you haven’t felt in a while. You’re a whole new person. You won’t be able to protect anybody.
[/b][/i]

Jeremiah’s words echoed in his head forcing a change in how he handled himself. He gently slid her legs off his lap and sat up straighter, more alert. “I’m sorry. I can’t...I can’t give in to you. I need to stay strong. I need to stay unattached. I won’t be able to protect you if I let myself feel,” he whispered trying to avoid eye contact.