Ezra looked out the window watching Marta disappear behind him. He held the sweater close to his body wondering what she could have packed him on such short notice. He glanced into the rearview mirror to see Jeremiah with a disgruntled look on his face. Isiah peeked over his shoulder and nudged Ezra on the knee with a smile.

“I would say this trip was a success despite the little outburst from Mr. Lover Boy’s girlfriend. I think this should happen more often. I hadn’t realized how much I missed Atalia until I had to leave her again,” he said with a sigh.

Jeremiah coughed, “You can do it again. Him not so much. I think he needs to be put in the dog house for a bit,” he said as he took a sharp turn.

Ezra shrank down into his seat a bit while Isiah frowned. He knew he was being pointed out for no fair reasons. He was supposed to hold the position of leader if anything happened to Jeremiah. He was supposed to lead the rebellion into war as nothing more than a blood thirsty animal. Ezra had been all for it without hesitation until today. Being with Marta and having her freak out on him made him realize that he wasn’t being true to himself. He was becoming a person that he didn’t even want to look at in the mirror. Isiah had been warning him and trying to stop the change, but Ezra hadn’t listened and it almost cost him Marta. He was still torn between doing what was right for him and doing what the other men wanted.

After a couple hours they finally arrived back at the farmhouse. They were greeted by the medical staff who reported that the three men Ezra had put in the infirmary had seemed to be recovering without issue, but they couldn’t do strenuous training. Ezra felt a pit form in his stomach. He’d forgotten about the three, Harrod being one of them. His knuckles began to hurt and he excused himself to his room while Jeremiah and Isiah checked on them. He locked the door and settled himself on his bed and opening up the sweater.

He smiled and ran his fingers along the cover the book and opened it up to one of the pages. A photo slipped out onto the ground. Confused he picked it up and and looked it over a moment before biting the inside of his cheek. He hadn’t realized Marta took one of his families photos with her when they departed and to see it now in front of him made his hands began to shake.

“Mom…” he whispered wiping a tear that began to roll down his cheek, “I wish I would’ve known I’d never see you again. I’d have been a better son. I’d have been reckless for you.”

He began to cry when he heard a knock on his door. He hesitated a moment and put the items under his pillow. There was another knock and he stood up slowly walking over to the door and opening it.

“Ezra, you’re not safe,” Isiah said pushing through and shutting the door behind him, “Jeremiah wants to break you...more than before. Marta freaking out on him and the way you guys acted in front of him. He wants to rip you to shreds Ezra. He’s a good man, I swear by that notion, but he’s got his head and heart acting against what he knows to be right. He felt better about himself because you were starting to lose it also, but now that you’re finding peace again he wants to take it away. You will be tested and you will be tortured…”

Ezra stood there listening not sure if he was understanding. “Isiah everyday I am tortured. What could they possibly do to make it worse? I am here alone. My father hasn’t sent word for me. I don’t know what he’s going home to. I don’t know if he’ll make it back. I can’t see my love and I am stuck here with men who want me only for my power.”

“Ezra...you will no longer be able to write Marta. You will be in combat training until you cannot move. Your food will be nothing but scraps. You are not safe. You need to leave,” Isiah said quietly, but Ezra refused to believe him.

“I cannot abandon my people Isiah. I owe these men my life. I will go through whatever they need me to and I will not lose who I am. Not again. I promised her,” he said just as the door was kicked in.

Daniel walked in arms crossed over his chest, “Ezra, it’s time for solitary. Pick one thing to keep you sane and then follow me.”

“Daniel, you know this isn’t right. He is a person, not a weapon. You should know just how wrong this is. You saw what happened to Micha in solitary. He killed himself because of it. Why are you and the others blindly following Jeremiah?” Isiah asked with a hint of pleading in his voice.

“It’s fine Isiah. I will keep sane and I will not kill myself. I will undergo whatever punishments they have for me,” Ezra said grabbing the book from under his pillow and walking out of the room, Daniel following.

He could feel the eyes of the other boys staring at him, wondering what could have possibly broken their killing machine. Daniel shoved him a bit forcing him to stumble and almost drop the book. He held it close to his chest and listened to the men yell slurs at him. He entered a room with no bed and a bucket for a toilet and one small light. He turned towards the door and closed his eyes just as Daniel shut the door. He could still hear Isiah calling after them pleading for another punishment.