[@The1Rolling1Boy]

Speaking only for myself, I notice some inconstancy within your CS, but that can be excused by the fact that you weren't aware that this was going to be a Star Wars game.  For example: you mention something about a cell phone at one point, and later a soda can bomb.  Obviously, these tidbits don't fit within the selected 'verse, and merit a more thorough edit.

Stylistically speaking, you do get a bit wordy at times.  Why say, [i]"dusty sky blue eyes that look like they have grey clouds in them..."[/i] when "[i]cloudy, blue-grey eyes.."[/i] gets the point across just as well and flows much better?

I'm not trying to knock you down or anything; I just wanted to try and offer my own constructive critique.  I don't know that these are the same concerns that DepressedSoviet had, but it's something to consider all the same.