[center][i]Transience is basic, and the present is primary. Those things which exist now do not abide. They slip into the past and non-existence, devoured by time, as all experience attests.

A generation or so later we have a classic statement of the opposing view the great Deku scholar, Odolwa:

There remains, then, but one word by which to express the true road: Is. And on this road there are many signs that What Is has no beginning and never will be destroyed: it is whole, still, and without end. It neither was nor will be, it simply is—now, altogether, one, continuous... Permanence is basic. No things come to be or, slipping into the past, cease to be. Past, present, and future are distinctions not marked in the static Is. Time and becoming are at best secondary, at worst illusory, as our understanding of the world confirms.
[/i][/center]

[color=fff79a]"You know, sometimes I feel like the more I learn about Deku philosophy, the less I understand,"[/color] sighed Graham, pulling his hood further over his head to look a little more inconspicuous. He sat cross-legged on an ornate square of rug, fiddling with his boomerang absently. Having developed an acute awareness of the weapon's weight and balancing points, the Subrosian vagrant often took to spinning the thing and flipping it end to end when he felt bored, or anxious, or in this case, both. He'd seen his fair share of festivals since moving to Hyrule, but for some reason the Hero of Time festival seemed to puzzle him the most; perhaps it was because he never grew up knowing about the little forest boy who defied all odds and saved the world. All the Subrosian heroes he'd learned about as a kid had much more... "industrial" backstories. For example, the story of the obedient boy who worked hard in the ore mines and never complained. They didn't remember his sacrifices with a festival, rather, they chose to honor him with more hard work in the ore mines.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand. Hylian scholars have been poisoning the minds of the public for years with this attachment to 'time' and 'the present' and 'personal identity.' We scrubs are one with the earth and the spirit of life that flows through all things, and as such, we do not privilege our perspectives in the grand metaphysical picture of this realm," explained his friend Barako, a deku scrub, resting inside an exotic looking blue deku flower rooted nearby. Unlike the row of five business scrubs nested right outside the town's entrance (lying in wait to ambush festival-goers with various overpriced wares), this old crusty shrub was covered in [url=http://zeldawiki.org/Mad_Scrub]red and orange leaves[/url], signifying that it had been raised as a wild Mad Scrub rather than as a civilized merchant. Despite looking savage, the old scrub appeared quite calm and tranquil, lazily reclining in his flower and smoking a long pipe filled with bitter-smelling herbs.

[color=fff79a]"Fair point, although I can't say I've paid much mind to Hylian scholars anyway. How can I respect a system of morality that doesn't center around mining ore? Preposterous,"[/color] he joked, with a slight chuckle. A crowd of tipsy revelers garbed in green passed by, hushing their conversation as they drew close to the two shady characters seated next to the empty chicken coop across from the graveyard. [color=fff79a]"You think I should have worn my green cloak today? It just occurred to me that we're not really dressed for the occasion,"[/color] Graham smirked, with a slight shrug of apathy. [color=fff79a]"Honestly I had no idea the festival was today. I've been out in the field for... gosh, it must have been two weeks."[/color]

"Believe it or not, I don't think wearing a different color of cloak is going to make you any less grotesque to look at," he sneered, puffing on his pipe a little more vigorously as he laughed at his own joke. "Not that you're the only spook hanging around the place today. If I was a betting man I'd say you're not even in the top five ugliest sad sacks here today," he pointed out, with a saccharine tone of faux-reassurance. He reached over to pat Graham on the back sarcastically, but decided against it considering he wasn't even sure if there would be a physical back to pat in the first place.

[color=fff79a]"You're too kind, Barako. It's always an [i]absolute pleasure[/i] to visit you when I'm in town, you know that?"[/color] replied the Subrosian, shaking his head as he prepared to stand up and wander off somewhere else.

"Hey, come on don't be like that! I was just kidding. I, for one, think you're a real cutie and I'm sure there are plenty of young ladies out there who'd love to plant a big smooch on the vast empty darkness where your face should be," he chuckled. Graham replied with a curt and austere middle finger before standing up and dusting off his trousers. "Stay and chat a while! Come on, I even have a gift for you. Here, catch!" he pleaded, tossing a small, bright red, spherical object in Graham's direction.

[indent][b]Graham received a Magic Bean![/b]

These brightly colored magic seeds may look unassuming at first, but when they're planted and fully grown, some pretty kooky shit can happen brah.[/indent]

[color=fff79a]"Where'd you get this?"[/color] asked Graham, examining the little bean more closely. [color=fff79a]"Aren't these illegal or something? My mom told me that the last guy who ate one of these took his shirt off, sold his house and lived down by the riverfront like a degenerate, eating beans all day long,"[/color] mused Graham, rubbing his gloved fingers over the smooth outer husk.

"I have my ways. How do you think I compete with all those other cut-rate business scrubs trying to work Kakariko? You have to sell products that people can't get anywhere else. Even if the Royal Family says you're not supposed to sell 'em! What do they know about what's good for people like us? Try one, Graham. I guarantee you it'll be a good time!" urged Barako, ashing his pipe nonchalantly. Graham deliberated for a moment before popping the seed into his "mouth" and returning to his seat alongside the mad business scrub. "That's my boy! Better stay with me for a bit, you don't want to be out and about when that stuff hits. I mean, yikes, kiddo! I didn't think you'd eat the whole thing!" he laughed, shaking his head. Graham responded with a weak chuckle as he finished chewing the bean and swallowed the last of it. What was he getting himself into?

[color=f3f9c7][center][h3]¢σмє тσ тнє gяανєуαя∂. 

¢σмє qυι¢кℓу. 

тιмє ιѕ σƒ тнє єѕѕєη¢є....[/h3][/center][/color]

[color=fff79a]"Oh shit. Oh, hmm, oh, goodness gosh darn! Golly! I think it's already starting to set in. Did you hear that?"[/color] asked Graham, looking around fervently for the source of the cryptic message. Barako just laughed, patting his wooden hand against his hollow wooden stomach like a big bongo drum. "Hear what? It's not supposed to kick in for at least a few minutes, pal. You just took it! What a lightweight," he chuckled, stuffing more herbs into his pipe as he eyed Graham suspiciously. 

[color=fff79a]"Yeah, you're right. I must have just gotten spooked or something, I don't know. Maybe I'm losing my mind from something other than psychoactive magic beans,"[/color] he figured, trying to shake off the eerie sensation of hearing voices in one's head. This hadn't been the first time, but this time around, it was so clear. He made a mental note to look into that after this bean trip was done fucking his shit up... whenever that was.

As if right on cue, Graham and Barako suddenly witnessed a veritable parade of strange looking people flocking to the graveyard: in total, one skull kid, another mysterious cloaked figure much like Graham, two strapping young men (one, apparently, a Sheikah?), a Poe's lantern, and a huge meat mountain of a Hylian man accompanied by a Gerudo girl. From their seat across from the large stone archway leading to the graveyard, the two sat in mostly stunned silence as the freaks just kept pouring in. Meanwhile, Graham was starting to feel a bit of lightheadedness creeping on. The bean was working its magic. [color=fff79a]"So, maybe I'm just pretty beaned out right now... but that just happened right? All of it? Right?"[/color] he asked, looking to Barako for support.

"See what I mean? There's no way you're the creepiest vagrant hanging around today. You're going to need to step up your creepy game if you want to stay relevant," grinned the scrub, although the Subrosian seemed more concerned with the mass exodus to the graveyard than his friend's jeers. Graham stood up quickly, holstering his boomerang as he prepared to follow the crowd. "Woah there, hey there, woah there, pal. Slow down a second. I don't know if you're ready to handle what's coming to ya, kiddo! The red beans are the strongest ones!"

[center][hider=Where will you be when the beans hit?][youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7jNdN4_aJg[/youtube][/hider][/center]

Graham paid Barako no mind as he hurried off towards the cemetery, feeling a bit dizzy as he tried to walk there in a straight line (emphasis on tried). As he passed under the stone archway he fell in behind another strange character who seemed to be making their way to the same place. She was obviously a Sheikah, although she seemed a bit more bookish than your average servant of the royal family. A set of thick, owl rimmed glasses rested in front of her red eyes, her white blond hair tied up in a neat bun and held in place by a fairly ornate looking lotus-flower hairpin. Her clothes were plain and modest grey scholar's robes that had obviously seen better days, looking strangely ragged in comparison to the pristine leather book satchel she carried. She gave Graham an especially strange look at he hobbled up behind her, and considering most looks Graham gets are strange looks, that's saying something.

Although Graham, who seemed to be right on the threshold of truly slipping into bean-induced hysteria, wanted nothing more than to quickly brush past her and shake off the awkward encounter, he was stopped in his tracks as someone very strong grabbed a hold of his cloak from behind. He quickly turned to come face to face with a young Goron fellow with bright eyes and a wide smile, although the smile quickly faded into confusion as he caught sight of Graham's... imposing visage. Meanwhile, the Subrosian's gaze drifted down to the Goron fellow's chest, gravitating towards an unnervingly stiff pair of [b][i]rock hard Goron nipples.[/i][/b]

[color=fff79a][i]Wow... that's uh... wow. I mean... woah there. Do they chafe super bad, or like, what? So I mean. Gosh! Wow...[/i][/color]

"Hey brother, I'm Hogarth! Say, I'm new in town, is this the way to the graveyard?" he asked, forcing a smile as he tried to ignore the fact that Graham's bright white eyes seemed fixated on a very uncomfortable area of his chest. Graham couldn't offer anything but stunned silence. Luckily the Sheikah woman stepped in before things could get any weirder.

"Yes, my friend, the graveyard is right through here. I'm familiar with the area, you're welcome to follow me while our friend here... uh, gets his bearings," she explained, beckoning for the Goron to follow her. Graham continued to say nothing as the two went on ahead, finding himself content to stare at the stone wall across from him, which, as he had recently come to notice, was a vastly different color than he remembered it being mere moments ago. An indecipherable amount of time (if Graham had to guess, he'd say somewhere between 35 seconds and 40 billion years) went by as Graham continued to inspect every brick of the wall. Eventually he gathered the courage to continue along the path to the graveyard despite the fact that the ground itself seemed to be moving underneath him as he shuffled onward.

Before long it felt like Graham was just gliding along the grassy path, the sound of his staggering footsteps fading into the background as he took in the sounds of the graveyard. Everything seemed to be smooth and slippery, and as he would extend his hand out to touch various things, they seemed to bend in and out of alignment as if they were made of rubber. Perhaps most eerily, every time the hooded thief would turn his head to look at something new, a splash of white bits of light would explode across his field of vision, almost like he was shaking a snowglobe with every new motion (if he even knew what a snowglobe was). Although a graveyard is probably one of the worst places to be when having such an experience, Graham didn't even have time to notice where he was. He was constantly looking down, partially to check if his feet were still there but also because he was vibing out hardcore watching the way the blades of grass danced in the breeze.

Graham finally turned his gaze upward to find that he had wandered right into the middle of the group of crazies, who all seemed to be talking about something of concerted importance. Graham couldn't exactly make out what they was saying, however, as he was currently hearing everything as if he was six feet underwater, turning the chatter of the various strange folks around him into nothing more than muted burbles. Then, in one instant, Graham became hyper-aware that everyone was staring at him and immediately became incredibly anxious and paranoid.

[i][color=fff79a]Well, you should probably say something. Just, whatever you do, don't say nothing. Avoid saying, uh... not nothing, I guess? Or, maybe, well. Okay, so, I should say something, and the something that I'm going to say had better not be nothing. Then it wouldn't be something that I said.[/color][/i]

Graham's time management skills currently operating at an all time low, it dawned on him that in all his considerations of whether to say something or nothing, he still hadn't said anything, and everyone was still probably staring at him.

[color=fff79a][b]"H-hello... hello... HELLO! I AM GRAHAM!"[/b][/color] he exclaimed, starting off very meek and quiet at first, but then, being unable to hear his own voice as he was currently listening from the bottom of the ocean, he decided that erupting into a full on shout would be a much more normal and not crazy person thing to do. Satisfied that he had successfully made a completely normal entrance, Graham decided now would be a great time to sit down and vibe out for a second, so he promptly unlocked his knees and crumpled to the ground with about as much grace as something that isn't very graceful.