It was a day like any other in this sleepy suburb of Phoenix, although slightly different in the best of ways; that is, there was no school. This meant two important things for Rich: one, he didn’t have to face his numerous bullies and risk getting his ass handed to him, and two, he was now free to do much more important tasks than schoolwork. He ran a Facebook page dedicated to old-fashioned but still very dank memes, and with thirty-three likes (and steadily growing), any spare moment to maintain his personal meme garden was a blessing. In the middle of captioning a lolcat, however, his Pesterchum dinged softly and notified him that he was being messaged. After hurriedly finishing the very old-style content, Rich opened the chat client and was pleased to see that his best friend and neighbor Alex was pestering him, although he would never admit that. His voice got him called gay enough without him being sentimental about people. Not that Alex knew about his school situation. Best it stayed that way. [hider=Show Pesterlog] -- ratifiedRebel [color=8DB3EF][RR][/color] began pestering memeticPhallus [color=E58A12][MP][/color] at 11:24 -- [color=8DB3EF]RR: Hey.[/color] [color=E58A12]MP: hi whassup[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: First of all, can I just reiterate how much I really hate your handle?[/color] [color=E58A12]MP: theres nothing wrong with my handle[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: It's kind of immature tbh.[/color] [color=E58A12]MP: no it isnt[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: It is, but okay. Anyway, did your copy of SBURB come yet?[/color] [/hider] Rich blinked slowly at his computer. He’d forgotten that he’d even had that thing ordered, and frankly, it didn’t seem like a terribly remarkable game–– apart from its promise that players would be able to control their friends’ houses. Much of his reason for agreeing to play was, in fact, curiosity. [hider=Show Pesterlog] [color=E58A12]MP: i havent checked[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: But it's noon.[/color] [color=E58A12]MP: it is? MP: oh it is[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: Yes. RR: It is. RR: Can you go check?[/color] [color=E58A12]MP: right now??[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: Well, yeah. RR: I'm gonna ask Abbi if she got hers.[/color] [color=E58A12]MP: oh MP: cool[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: Yeah so are you gonna check?[/color] [color=E58A12]MP:[/color] https://i.ytimg.com/vi/W1-qbiMbUUk/maxresdefault.jpg [color=8DB3EF]RR: ...Thanks.[/color] [/hider] The “okay” meme very obviously implied hesitant agreement to do something. It was like a contract, and since Rich had signed it by using the meme, he had no choice but to rise from his desk and slip down the stairs and outside. The flag on the side of the mailbox was down, however, which he only realized after he’d stepped into the horrifyingly hot outside environment and felt the sun sucking the life force out of him. Disappointed, he hurried back inside. Alex was being terribly weird about talking to their mutual internet friend, Abbi. What was so difficult about it, he wondered? She was just like most other people. In fact, she was better, because even though she could be mean sometimes, Rich could tell that she didn’t talk to him solely to belittle him. Or maybe she did. It was hard to tell these things. Alex was taking awhile to respond. Rich made a couple of half-hearted memes about Communism before their (abridged) conversation resumed. [hider=Show Pesterlog] [color=E58A12]MP: man i hope my copy gets here soon MP: wait MP: maybe my aunt took the mail in oh no[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: Go ask her.[/color] [color=E58A12]MP: i cant just do that she thinks i should always be doing homework or reading or something[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: I don't think she'll punish you for asking about the mail. RR: Come on, Richie. RR: Please.[/color] [/hider] It was a terrifying prospect to ask his aunt if she’d seen a small package labelled SBURB. She was not a woman who even liked cartoon violence––not even Spyro the Dragon. Somehow the thought of not getting his hands on that game (not Spyro, SBURB) was worse. [hider=Show Pesterlog] [color=E58A12]MP: yeah i should ask soon or she might return it MP: brbrbrbrbrb[/color] [color=8DB3EF]RR: Okay, awesome.[/color] [/hider] Rich cracked his knuckles and stood one more time from his desk chair. Time to do this. He skittered down the stairs and arrived in the kitchen, where, alas, the perfect, mint-condition copy of SBURB lay on the counter amid boring, adult-looking envelopes. Where was Aunty? [i]Just grab it before she sees you.[/i] He’d clutched the smooth, plastic box when her shrill voice made him jump. “Richie, is that the new game the kids are playing these days?” Lie. Lie. Lie. “Um, well, yeah, but––it’s––for school?” “For school?” “Yeah. Yeah. It’s, like, an educational thing…” “What’s it educating you about?” She sounded doubtful. “I dunno, I uh, I think it’s about how––how the Universe formed,” Rich spluttered out the first thing that popped into his head, “like, the Big Bang or something.” “What’s it rated?” “E. For everyone. Haha.” Rich felt like all the tension he’d built up through his life was released when his aunt gave an approving smile and said, “Alright, Richie, but tell me what you learn, okay?” “Okay,” he squeaked. No sooner had he sat down and briefly celebrated his deceptive victory with Alex, when another Pesterchum notification popped up. [hider=Show Pesterlog] -- cronicallyTechnical [color=468c40][CT][/color] began pestering memeticPhallus [color=E58A12][MP][/color] at 15:12 -- [color=468c40]CT: C//:>hey, k1ng 0f sh1tp0sts [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/b8/b881f9ab783dd51fbab287e79b28c987fe7a33d3cdb803ace95a2ba8009a7f14.jpg [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>s0me0ne wh0 kn0ws y0u al0t better than y0u kn0w y0urself [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: wtf MP: stranger danger??? [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>yeah, thats needless crypt1c, n0t my ch01ce put I'm play1ng al0ng f0r n0w [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: http://www.quickmeme.com/img/56/56234bbe107f5452530f1a224ecdcb028b07d04beaf70f1bfb378cd72052aceb.jpg [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>w0w CT: C//:>l1ke CT: C//:>I knew y0u were a we1rd fuck CT: C//:>but sh1t man [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/9IgmFLuaIII/hqdefault.jpg [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>0kay 1 kn0w th1s m1ght be hard f0r y0u CT: C//:>but use y0ur b1g b0y w0rds [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: Are you one of the boys who put my head in the toilet [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>n0pe, 1 have never been 1n the same r00m as y0u [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: oh okay so you're just a random pedophile MP: BLOKT [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>ha yeah 0kay sure [/color] -- memeticPhallus [color=E58A12][MP][/color] blocked cronicallyTechnical [color=468c40][CT][/color] at 3:20 -- -- cronicallyTechnical [CT] began pestering memeticPhallus [MP] at 3:21 -- [color=468c40]CT: C//:>Oh w0w, l00k at th1s CT: C//:>I've myst1cally g0tten ar0und y0ur bl0ck [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: what do you want MP: i'm calling the interwebz police and they're going to taze you in the butthole [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>1'm here t0 make y0ur l1fe hell CT: C//:>thats the plan alteast CT: C//:>we'll see h0w my m00d h0lds 0ut [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: https://i.imgflip.com/8h0c8.jpg [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>y0ur spec1es has s0me 0f the srangest l00k1ng fucks CT: C//:>l1ke alm0st half as strange as y0u [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: like i haven't been told i look strange or worse before, lulz [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>yeah 1 sh0uld have kn0wn better f0r that s0rt 0f l0w bl0w CT: C//:>dudes l1ke y0u and 1 have heard sh1t l1ke that plenty [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: yup. you're just gay trash [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>gay? 1'm guess1ng thats a human th1ng? [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: stop pretending to be an alien what the fuck [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>st0p pretend1ng t0 be rem0tely ready f0r whats t0 c0me [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: stop being an edgelord [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>huh CT: C//:>guess 1 s0rt 0f am an edgel0rd [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: wake me up inside MP: i can't wake up [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>been thr0ugh s0me sh1t y0u w0uldn't bel1eve, s0 1've g0t a few 0f th0se qual1t1es CT: C//:>but what 1've seen CT: C//:>what 1've been thr0ugh [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: i'm sure you have LOL [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>1t w1ll be n0th1ng c0mpa1red t0 y0ur 1mpend1ng fa1lers CT: C//:>y0u are g01ng t0 let all y0ur fr1ends d0wn [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: >implying i have friends [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>r0ughly 5 0f them apperently CT: C//:>0r 5 pe0ple wh0 tallerate y0ur bullsh1t CT: C//:>str1ckly speak1ng 1n terms 0f numbers y0ur ahead 0f me [/color] [color=E58A12] MP: http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/26/2604c8c350d537bb08322a3ea7a94a0fcf8606b56e39ba1f62301224aa417e84.jpg [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>y0u already used that 0ne CT: C//:>1s y0ur st0reh0use 0f 1d10cy runn1ng l0w [/color] [color=E58A12] MP: good memes are like oases in deserts man [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>that w0uld be true 1f there were such a th1ng as a 'g00d meme [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: anyway i'm probably going to tell the principal idec if you call me a snitch okay [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>1'll adm1t 1t, y0ur new lunacy has l0st me [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: smd MP: do you seriously think people haven't pestered me pretending to be ghosts and shit because i'm an "autist" [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>w0w thats k1nd 0f sh1ty 0f them [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/666/_57c8a1a431a592af806925e57258202f.png [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>1've been 0n the 0ther end 0f sh1ty th1ngs because 0f wh0 1 am and what 1'm l1ke [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: really [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>and what 1'm d01ng w1th y0u 1s c0mpleatly unrelated wh0 y0u are 0r what y0u l1ke CT: C//:>1t has everyth1ng t0 d0 w1th the game y0u are ab0ut t0 play [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: so you're bullying me over a game [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>guess s0 CT: C//:>aga1n CT: C//:>n0t really my 1dea CT: C//:>1'm just b0ard CT: C//:>l1ke 1mp0ss1bly b0ard [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: that's real nice [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>yeah, 1 d0n't kn0w h0w l0ng 1'll keep up th1s bs [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: so someone else made you do it [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>yeah, n0rmally 1 w0uldn't f0ll0w what that b1tch wants, but l1ke 1 sa1d CT: C//:>b0000000000ard [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: who dis bitch [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>expl1nat10ns w0uld 1nv0lve al0t 0f al1en bullcrap [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: for fuck's sake [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>yeah, th0ught that w0uld be y0ur react10n [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: just tell me what in the fuck is happening MP: dafuq is wrong with you [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>th0se are tw0 very d1fferent quest10ns [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: get typing [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>eh [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: uuuuughh MP: what the fuck [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>l1ke, the g0al 1s t0 mess w1th y0u CT: C//:>s0 l1ke CT: C//:>1f that what 1'm d01ng r1ght n0w CT: C//:>wh1ch 1t st1ll s0rt 0f 1s [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: so you're just going to keep being gay [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>1t w0uld be t0 just...st0p talk1ng 1 guess CT: C//:>man CT: C//:>y0u backed me 1nt0 a sh1tty c0rner [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: u mad bro [/color] [color=468c40]CT: C//:>m0st 0f the t1me ab0ut s0meth1ng 0r 0ther yeah CT: C//:>well, 1f 1 get b0ard w1th the wh0le fuck1ng w1th y0u th1ng, maybe 1'll c0me back and tell y0u a th1ng 0r tw0 [/color] [color=E58A12]MP: okay i guess [/color] -- cronicallyTechnical [color=468c40][CT][/color] ceased pestering memeticPhallus [color=E58A12][MP][/color] at 4:01 -- [/hider] What. To. Heck.