[hider=Zoe Fletcher - Aberration - Reassemble]
[center][img]http://txt-dynamic.static.1001fonts.net/txt/dHRmLjU0LjkyM2Y1Ni5XbTlsSUVac1pYUmphR1Z5LjAA/3-thehard-way-rmx.fenotype.png[/img][/center]
[color=palevioletred][h3]  ℕ 𝕒 𝕞 𝕖 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent]Zoe Fletcher[/indent]
[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝔸 𝕘 𝕖 :         [/h3][/color]
[indent]18[/indent]
[color=palevioletred][h3]  ℍ 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕙 𝕥 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent]6'0"[/indent]
[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝕎 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕙 𝕥 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent]150 lbs[/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝔸 𝕡 𝕡 𝕖 𝕒 𝕣 𝕒 𝕟 𝕔 𝕖 :          [/h3][/color]
[indent][indent][center][hider=headshot][img]https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/340549755123924992/342678457714737152/Zoe.png[/img][/hider]
Headshot by [url=https://ky-th.deviantart.com/]Ky-th[/url][/center][/indent][/indent]

[indent][indent][center][hider=Fullbody][img]https://i.imgur.com/QG6XFIZ.jpg[/img][/hider]
By [url=https://densukii.deviantart.com/]densukii[/url] on Deviantart[/center][/indent][/indent]

[indent]Tall, lean and muscular, Zoe's appearance gives off what can only be described as a predatory vibe. She has the air and manner of someone used to fending to themselves, and an expression often firmly fixed into a confident smirk. There is an air of arrogance about her, not least because of the way she carries herself and her relaxed, lazy stride. She seems to have been in more than a few scraps, which is obvious if you take a closer look - small scars litter her body, and are especially visible on her knuckles. Her usual clothing is generally fairly muted and not designed to draw attention, though the rest of her appearance makes it pretty much impossible.

For the particularly observant, it's apparent that her arrogance isn't quite all that it seems. While she puts on an admirable front, rings under her eyes, ragged nails and the way her eyes dart around as though waiting for an attack all speak to the insecurity and self-loathing that she tries to hide. All in all, her appearance is that of someone confident on the surface, but to the exceptionally observant it may seem she's struggling to hold it together.[/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  ℙ 𝕖 𝕣 𝕤 𝕠 𝕟 𝕒 𝕝 𝕚 𝕥 𝕪 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent]Zoe is the kind of person that comes off as a born warrior or an arrogant bitch, depending on who you ask. An adrenaline junkie of the highest degree, if there's a fight going on then she'll do her best to be involved - and if there isn't, she'll more than likely make someone angry enough to start one. Despite her aggressive tendencies, she doesn't actively try to start fights despite often being involved. It just happens that a lot of people want to wipe the smirk off of her face, and that she's very easy to make angry. It's fair to say she's sadistic, volatile and easily provoked - something which has gotten far worse since she gained the 'X' on her throat.

Of course, like most people, she does have at least some redeeming qualities. For one, she's incredibly trustworthy, and will take a secret to the grave if she's trusted with it. She's also endlessly loyal (sometimes to the point of stupidity), and looks out for people weaker than herself as best she can - even if those people happen to hate her guts. Swift to become attached to anyone who sees past her attitude, it's almost strange how someone so starved of affection is so determined not to need or accept any help. She's honestly terrified of her own instability, but being called out on this is a real sore spot for her, and there's no doubt that anyone doing so will find themselves on the receiving end of an attempted assault.

While her harsh manner extends to friends as well as enemies, there is certainly a difference between the two. Towards people she dislikes, her remarks aim to be as cutting as possible, and she will make no secret of the fact that she hates someone's guts. Towards her friends, it's something closer to playing devil's advocate for whatever plans or concerns they may have rather than outright malice. She's perfectly willing to help people for what she sees as being their own good, whether they like it or not. Still, this doesn't tend to come off too well when her only way of tackling a problem seems to be charging at it head-on.

One thing that she hates is when people she trusts lie to or manipulate her without her knowledge. Like most of her hangups, it seems to be the result of some deeply ingrained self-loathing; the girl secretly considers herself a coward, a psychopath, and an utterly weak person. When she's particularly angry or upset, she has a habit of going incredibly quiet for a while before reacting, although her reactions will remain characteristically volatile. She has difficulty mustering the strength to keep control and master the urges brought on by her stigma, and it's a struggle she fails more often than not; to the point where she'll seriously hurt herself just to try and silence her fears and feel like she's in control.[/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  ℍ 𝕚 𝕤 𝕥 𝕠 𝕣 𝕪 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent]Zoe rushed into the hospital, a look in her eyes like a cornered animal. In her arms, there was a small body bundled in cloth, unmoving. Desperation filled her voice as she stood in the waiting room, the cross on her throat clear to see. [color=palevioletred]"Help! Please, you have to-"[/color] her voice broke, taking on a horrified note. [color=palevioletred]"I couldn't stop myself."[/color]

After the bundle was taken from her, she knew what would happen if she stayed. Knew there was no way life would be the same. But despite that, her feet refused to move - and it wasn't long before they came to pick her up. She didn't resist, and soon enough found herself at USARILN East.[/indent]

[indent][hider=Things Left Unsaid]
[center][i][color=palevioletred]There's a lot I'd like to take back.[/color][/i][/center]
[hider=Sorry][center][color=palevioletred][i]I wasn't strong enough.[/i][/color][/center]

[indent]There are things I try not to think about, and you're one of them.

 See, I didn't know about all this when I changed, you know? I didn't realise what it would be like having this mark on my throat, being one of the freaks. There's a reason I ran. A reason that I was trying to leave you behind. I thought you'd realise that, but... God, you had to come with me, didn't you. You always were the type of kid that played hero, that liked to think we'd both be okay forever if we just helped each other through.

It's funny really, you almost got me to think that too for a while. I think it's the first time I can remember bring happy in a really long while; those years when all of us were together. Complete pain in the ass, looking after you guys, but it was worth it. I mean sure, what we did wasn't exactly making an honest living, but it kept everyone fed. People like you that didn't have a place to turn. So I was okay with it, and so were all of you.

But I wanted to hurt. After I had the dream, I wanted to hurt them, and it kept getting worse. Even if I didn't show the mark, I'm pretty sure everyone could tell something was up. I tried to find an excuse to get away, and every time you'd stop me. Until I showed you, anyway. And you still chose me, you believed in me, and look where it fucking got you. I wish you hadn't tried so hard to protect me from myself. If you'd just told me to go, hadn't come after me... hell, even if you'd ratted me out to the others, none of this would've happened. I would've ended up dead, but that's still a possibility here. I don't blame you, but you tried to help me. You wouldn't let me leave alone. Even knowing what a liar I was, what a hypocrite, what a coward... you followed me.

You were the first person I helped. The first person I was actually able to save, for a while. Even when I went off the rails a little, you kept me grounded - Or tried to, anyhow. I kinda did my own thing a lot, but we both know I'm not great at listening. Point is, you were the closest thing I'd had to a brother in a long, long time. Hell, I hardly remember the 'real' one. Only memory I have there's that he died and I didn't. Know mom and dad would've preferred it the other way round.

Sometimes I think taking you in's the only good thing I ever did. And I even ruined that.

Never told you much about my family, huh? Then again, I don't know how they're doing now. Difference is, I don't really care to. Hope the whole house burned to the ground with them in it. As for you, I guess what happened is more personal. In its own way.

Point is, when I'm ready I think I'll try and find out if you're okay. I'm not yet. It's getting worse, you know. The feeling. So much worse. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to control it yet. The people I've met here, well, at least some of them seem to be pretty good ones. I like some of them, I really do. But I'm scared that I'll hurt them the same way I hurt you. I have now. So many times, again and again, and I can't stop it. I don't know how.

[s]One day I promise I'll learn how things turned out. I found help as fast as I could, but with the state you were in I don't know if that's enough. Chances are you'll never see me again either way.[/s] [u]I killed you[/u]. Saving you's the one good thing I ever did, and I [b]killed[/b] you. Guess it was pretty naive of me to think anything else, to think that maybe there'd be one thing I didn't completely ruin. The others don't know what a coward I used to be, but that's fine. Because I know. And I'll make sure I pay for every last bit of it.

I miss you, buddy.

I saw you. I tried to end it and it wouldn't let me and it made me see you instead. How fucking delusional was I? There's no way anyone would have survived that.

[/indent][/hider]

[hider=Reflection][center][color=palevioletred][i]I couldn't say goodbye.[/i][/color][/center]

[indent]I was broken when you found me. Broken, but surviving; I guess I'm still that way, really. And you let me use it to secure some sort of future-- a future built on whatever we could claw away from everyone else. But it wasn't enough. The little things, the things where no-one got hurt, it wasn't enough to keep us all going. We both knew that, and it wore on you, I think; that's why I took up the burden. Started... well, started hurting people. Bad shit. Break-ins, muggings... nothing really big, but that shit scares people, and I had to hurt quite a few. Nothing that'd get us properly hunted down, and we'd move when it started to look a little unsafe. You just looked after the others while I was out.

Sometimes I'd ask if they were scared of me. You'd never answer, and I guess that was answer enough.

I'd already learned to embrace the pain, to keep going no matter how much it hurt. How to pretend I was untouchable, to do whatever it took to come out alive. But after taking us both in, being with you guys gave me a purpose. If only you'd known what I'd become, you'd have put me down as soon as you got the chance. There were times when I'd let myself hesitate, when I couldn't bring myself to finish what I'd started, and maybe if I'd listened to my conscience then I'd be better now. But I did it for you. All of that shit; knowing there were people relying on me, I could do it. And it gets easier, after a while. I can bury it now, bury it deep, and hope it never comes up again.

Don't think I buried it well enough, though. I'm still scared of them.

Now that I think about it, you used me. I let you remake me knowing you just wanted out, did whatever it took to make sure that I'd be okay, and eventually that you guys would be too. Hoped I could make sure they had a better time of all this than I did. I'd do most of it again if I got the chance. Sacrifice is all someone like me's good for.

Well, maybe. I don't know if I owe you or not, because you saved me. If it hadn't been for you, I think I'd be dead, but you taught me to survive - No, more than that, you taught me to live again. We found each other, and because of that, we were able to save other people too. I think about that sometimes. Lets me pretend there's something good inside me. Ha. Like I've ever even come close.

We were bad for each other in a way, but I suppose we needed each other too. Needed to remind each other that there was something alive left in all that we'd done, and I guess that's all it ever comes down to. An exchange, a transaction, always something to gain and even more to lose. Someone to understand. Never got as close as you wanted, but... I suppose I was scared of that. Caring just makes it hurt more when people turn on you, when you end up hurting them. But despite everything, I didn't run away.

You promised me that you'd look after them if I ever went anywhere, and I believe you did. You always kept your promises to me. Maybe you'll keep them alive too, and I really hope you do now that I'm not there anymore. Hey, maybe you saw my T.V spot! I'm alive, anyway, and you guys'll be safer without me around. I hope no-one's having to do the stuff I used to. Hope you're getting by without that; another me's the last thing the world needs.

Still wish you were here, too. That's probably the most fucked up part of all this, huh? You're the only person that really understood me, understood how far we had to go. You knew me, and these guys don't. Or they don't understand like you did. You didn't want to be what you were, so I took on that responsibility. This monster, though; when I give myself over, I'm capable of so much I wouldn't have thought. I could be ruthless before, but... trust me, that's an understatement now.

You'd understand, right? You'd know that it isn't really me, you'd understand why I have to let myself give in. It's like we did for the others, like it was back home; someone has to dirty their hands so everyone else can make it out okay. You were able to see that I only did these things because somebody had to, that I was trying to spare everyone, that I wanted to protect you. So you'd understand. I have to believe you would, that there's a reason I'm able to do these things. That it's necessary, and if it's necessary, I can live with that. Or I'll just have to lie to myself until I can. Tear myself apart until I'm in control.

So I can't say goodbye to you yet. Always frustrated you, but it's still true I'm not good at letting go. And I know I should have left a whole lot earlier - Maybe then none of you would have been hurt. Maybe if you'd been with me, I wouldn't have been able to screw it all up. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Not like I'm gonna find an answer any time soon.
[/indent][/hider]

[hider=Rotten][center][color=palevioletred][i]Should've killed you when I had the chance.[/i][/color][/center]

[indent]You're a real piece of work, aren't you?

Oh yeah, here we go. I almost forgot about you, didn't I? Should've remembered when I was writing to the others. Can't believe that I'd let myself forget about the person that's responsible for my fall in the first place. So, where do we begin?

How about the time you hid? Ran away knowing some some fucking sub was tearing your brother apart while he begged you for help. Mercy. Anything. There's nothing you could have done, huh. That's what you told yourself, but you've seen the devastation that you've left behind. It should have been you.

They were right to blame you for it. 'I'm just a kid', like that excuses it, like that excuses anything about your sad little excuse for a life. You were scared, the first time the knife sliced you open. Cruel and unusual, making you inflict the hurt on yourself. A nice little reminder that it was all your fault. Sobbing, but what could you do? You tried to wipe away the tears, but that only got salt in the wounds.

Get up. That was the rule. You always get up and keep fighting, because otherwise someone else gets hurt. That's what happens when you're weak. Pain. Cowardice. Pain and pain and more pain. I guess it's one of the truths of the universe. Everything always seems to revolve around it with you, around hurting and being hurt. It's not like that for everyone, and I think that hurt more. You can't lose yourself so easily when it's your heart that's hurting.

Oh, that's some poetic shit, right? By your standards, anyway; they're not exactly high.

It didn't break you, though. Or you don't think it did. Jagged at the edges, maybe, sharp, but strong. You didn't shatter. You don't resent it, and you don't cry over it anymore. Maybe because you took ownership of it, your tendency to tear things down.

But the water did, as it burned your lungs and took your strength away. It wasn't the pain that scared you, because it always hurt when you fucked up and made them angry. It was the helplessness, because even if the other ones hurt, they were your choice, you were in control. Or that's what you tell yourself, because it's easier to believe it was a choice you made than to accept you were nothing more than a child. Easier to believe that love is painful and terrifying and drowning than it is to believe no-one loved you at all. Easier to keep quiet because speaking up would never work.

How long will you pretend to be the master of your own destiny? That's why the stigma scares you so much, because it's fucking with that. Fucking with your control. Maybe you could deal with the things you'd done if you could choose to hate them. If you weren't being hijacked to think they're the best things in the world. If you asked for help, maybe things'd get better, but you don't want anyone to feel sorry for you. You'd rather be hated.

You once told your best friend why you love the smell of gasoline. And then you broke his nose because his pity pissed you off, even though you knew he was just trying to help.

And part of you still wants to let someone else help you, let the next group in, because you're so desperate for anyone to care. But you don't believe they will, because you don't think there's anything about you worth keeping alive. I know you're not afraid of dying. You welcome it, dashing into danger with outstretched arms. Hoping that one day, the axe will fall on your pasty little neck. You say you're not a liar? You lie to yourself every day.

You just want something, anything, to justify your sad little worldview. Maybe that's why you play the monster now, so you can tell yourself it was [i]right[/i] what you did because maybe they were like you. [s]I don't, I've always done what I had to[/s] No, you've been like that for a long time.

Do you remember her? [i]Of course you do.[/i]

Do you [b]remember[/b] how she looked, sleeping silently, believing she'd found somewhere safe at last? Trusting you, YOU when you said it'd be okay, you deceiving lying conniving pathetic monstrous murderous piece of shit bitch--

Remember how it looked when you put a bullet through her [i][b]fucking[/b][/i] skull? Hey, firecracker, that a happy memory for you? Come on, it's not like she didn't deserve it, right? Not like they didn't all deserve it because of everything they took from you. Freaks, monsters, murderers every last one of them and you couldn't let the world have one more.

Oh wait... that was nothing to do with them, was it? Killing your best friend. Killing her. For a fucking grudge against someone she'd never met, someone you never knew any more about than hearsay. Because they were all the same, right? No, they aren't, not even a little; but you are, you always were, you sick little freak.

[i]You knew it was wrong then.[/i] Deep down, you knew that they weren't all together. How many others didn't deserve it, had never harmed a soul? A threat, a threat, a threat, forever and always. Threats couldn't be allowed to live. A mantra. And yet when you were a threat you didn't speak up, when you felt that pull you didn't speak up, because you just couldn't handle one more rejection, right?

You know now [u]exactly[/u] how wrong it was, and you aren't even sorry. Not properly, not really. Sorry won't bring anyone back, won't take back your actions, won't fix a single goddamned thing. I suppose you've already done too much to get back.

[s]How many people would you have [b]killed[/b] if things had stayed the same? Why wouldn't you face it like she did?[/s]

Never mind that, there's no point in asking. It's not as if you kept count. After all, it was all written down. They'll have kept that old thing around, I'm guessing. They won't have forgotten you, for better or - oh, who are you kidding, it's definitely for worse. But how are you supposed to feel about that?

Guess you'd rather die than figure it out, huh.

You sickening little coward.[/indent][/hider]
[/hider]

[hr][center][url=https://instaud.io/private/bce7f453285abc63d4281567ae6e70c976f129ad]Choices (Zoe's voice post)[/url]
[sub]by [url=https://www.castingcall.club/m/theonlyexception]theonlyexception[/url][/sub][/center][hr][/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝕄 𝕒 𝕘 𝕚 𝕔 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent][color=palevioletred][center][i]Reassemble[/i][/center][/color] 

Allows her to decompose organic material on anyone within 2 metres of her body. The ability requires contact with a person to become active, but once she's made initial contact it can be controlled within a [b]45[/b] meter radius of her. Her ability can now be spread from creature to creature like a virus, provided they make physical contact with each other within the radius. She can also change the speed of the ability's effects at will. The speed it can spread at from a point of contact has also doubled.

Victims outside the radius will spread their infection to other organic objects in physical contact with them. Each consecutive infection outside the radius will lessen the effects of her power, taking roughly 3 infections before her power loses its effects completely.

Her ability's effects can be sped up if she focuses them into one area, roughly the size of her hand. If she makes contact, the ability is almost instantaneous, like tearing through wet clay.

Initially all that her targets feel would be an unusual itch, but if they allow it to progress it will eventually become incredibly painful. The speed of her ability has increased dramatically over time, and she [s]is limited to only affecting things she can see.[/s] [b]No longer needs to see a target to affect it.[/b]

The ability's use is indicated by thick black lines appearing on her skin where she channels the power, black mist rising where she makes contact and black specks exuding from affected targets. Black veins now appear on Zoe’s infected victims. 

[hider=Upgrade 1]When making direct contact with something, the decomposition proceeds incredibly quickly, taking only a few seconds - essentially reducing the contacted area to liquid. The more of her body is in contact, the wider the spread of the damage. In essence, if Zoe were to run her hands over a creature, it would leave a melted sludge where its surface skin was.

This ability's use is indicated by moving, tattoo-like lines appearing on her skin where she channels the power, and a black mist rising from whatever is affected.[/hider]

[hider=Upgrade 2]Power effect radius increased to 15 metres. No longer needs to see target for ability to work.[/hider]

[hider=Upgrade 3]Zoe's power can now work faster to the point where it's almost instant, like tearing through soft clay. The speed it can spread at from a point of contact has also doubled.

It can also now be spread from creature to creature under her control like a virus, provided they make contact with each other and stay within the radius, and the rate it works at can be changed at will.

The radius it can work in has increased to 30m.

The lines and mist generated by her power now appear much darker and thicker, and black specks now exude from any affected creatures.

As a result of the upgrade, her stigma has noticeably worsened.
[/hider]

[hider=Upgrade 4]Range increased to 45 metre radius.[/hider]

[hider=Upgrade 5]
No longer needs to make contact to start the effect, and can instead start it on anyone within 2 metres of her body.[/hider]

[hider=Upgrade 6]Zoe’s infected victims will now spread their infection to other organic objects in physical contact with them when they are outside of her range. Each consecutive infection will lessen the effects of her power, taking roughly 3 infections before her power loses its effects completely.

Black veins appear on Zoe’s infected victims.[/hider][/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝔻 𝕣 𝕖 𝕒 𝕞 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent]The sun shines down on her face, standing in the middle of a remote village. Around her, ramshackle huts give way to homes of her own making, comfortable and safe. In the background, she can hear people laughing and imagine the smiles on their faces. They don't need to want for anything, to wish for anything, because she's created for them everything they need. 

It's a paradise, but not one for her. She moves on, her job completed and another utopia created. Wherever she goes, she is celebrated for her actions, praised and loved. She's worth something, to so many people, but as she looks out upon the village as they celebrate without even noticing her departure, there's one thing that remains clear to her - she is completely alone.[/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  ℕ 𝕚 𝕘 𝕙 𝕥 𝕞 𝕒 𝕣 𝕖 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent][color=f7976a][i]"You can protect them."[/i][/color]

A whimper echoes through the narrow street. Wordless desperation, from a man who long since lost the ability to beg for mercy. She's never seen his face before, but she despises him - despises his kind, who act from nothing but selfishness and greed. Justice, for all that ever wronged her, all who ever sought to do no more than hurt. As she grips his face in her hands, she smiles, and moments later not an inch of flesh remains on his skull. The sight is, in a word, horrifying.

Letting go, behind him she sees the face of a child a few years younger than she is, smiling brightly and seemingly unaware of the bloodshed surrounding them. 

[color=f7976a]"Is he gone?"[/color]

[color=palevioletred]"I got rid of him."[/color]

As Zoe speaks, her eyes scan the ground behind them - a graveyard of mutilated, unburied corpses. Despite this, she speaks with grim certainty, a cold satisfaction. She has the power to ensure a perfect life, for her and the ones she cares about, to destroy anybody who would harm them. To ensure the happiness of everyone that matters.

[color=palevioletred]"No one will ever hurt you again."[/color][/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝔸 𝕨 𝕒 𝕜 𝕖 𝕟 𝕚 𝕟 𝕘 :          [/h3][/color] 
[indent]Aberration[/indent]

[indent][color=palevioletred]  𝕊 𝕥 𝕚 𝕘 𝕞 𝕒 :          [/color][/indent] 
[indent][indent]Zoe's stigma manifests itself in what is essentially a feeling of bloodlust, an urge to hurt and harm other people. An intense compulsion telling her that giving in would make her happy constantly demands she give in. The more she cares about someone, the more it makes her want to hurt them - and whenever she gives in to the compulsion, the memory replays again and again, accompanied by a rush of joy.[/indent][/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝔸 𝕣 𝕞 𝕒 𝕞 𝕖 𝕟 𝕥 𝕤 :          [/h3][/color]
[indent]xxx[/indent]

[color=palevioletred][h3]  𝕋 𝕙 𝕖 𝕞 𝕖  𝕊 𝕠 𝕟 𝕘 𝕤 :          [/h3][/color]
[indent]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR74ZadqjNA](XYLØ - Afterlife)[/url]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szIDM99kRNM](EDEN - Drugs)[/url]

[hider=Other songs of varying importance]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcHJtgljXEo](Imagine Dragons - Shots (Broiler Remix))[/url]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeObu0jfSxE](Hellberg - The Girl)[/url]  

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8DFh-JmiS0](Natasha Blume - Black Sea)[/url]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6PCP7UMY6Y](Razihel - Legends)[/url] 

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvaFxqPXFGM](Rogue ft. Laura Brehm - Dreams)[/url]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH4F1Tdb040](Stephen - Crossfire)[/url]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT24QH_S7GI](Krewella - Beggars)[/url] 

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC0-fNkZ-NU](Chase and Status - All Goes Wrong)[/url]  

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEIeb85DkCs](Foo Fighters - Stranger Things Have Happened)[/url]

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXzDu071RdQ](Mumford & Sons - Broken Crown)[/url] 
[/hider]

[/indent][/hider]

[hider=First Impressions]
[center][img]http://txt-dynamic.static.1001fonts.net/txt/dHRmLjI4LmZmZmZmZi5XbTlsSjNNZ1ZHaHZkV2RvZEhNLC4wAAAA/thyme.medium.png[/img][/center]

[indent][color=palevioletred]"Wait, you seriously want to talk to me? And I haven't even broken a rule today! Isn't that a surprise. Have to say, I didn't know you guys were fans. So, was it my good looks or charm that won you over?"

"...Oh, you do this with everyone, huh? Well whatever, ask your questions then. I'm a busy girl. Things to do, people to see, you know? Don't want anyone thinking I'm not [i]thrilled[/i] about being here."

"Backtalk? Wouldn't dream of it. Where do you want me to start?"

[hr]

[color=00ffbb][h3]Lawrence[/h3][/color]

"The guy kind of... Well, he doesn't really lose his cool, does he? At least not that I remember seeing, even if I deserve it more than most. He's always calm and in control of himself, even dealing with all of our shit. Don't think I could do it, myself, even before my s- Uh, situation ended up like this."

"Well, being forced to go fight monsters isn't exactly good for a girl's stability, you know? I thought we were talking about Lawrence here - I'm sure there'll be time to talk about me later."

"Anyway, I'm almost jealous of him in a way. Being able to take everything in his stride and never really lose his head, it's something I could use a bit more of myself. Plus, he does the whole therapist routine, so people kind of trust him."

"I don't know if I'd rather be like that. Sometimes it seems like he doesn't feel much about anything."
[hr]
[color=lightcoral][h3]Liliana[/h3][/color] 

"If I'm being honest about this, Lily, Liliana, whatever you want to call her, is definitely a handful. I'm not really relaxed enough to just go with it whenever she does the whole personality swing thing, so I just try to stay out of it. It's tough to keep track of which one I'd end up dealing with." 

"Yeah, yeah, it's not her fault. I don't blame her for it, that's not what I'm saying. Fact is, though, I've only got so much energy to deal with anyone and she goes a little past that limit. Doesn't mean I've got anything against the girl. Life here's bad enough for the rest of us, so it must suck to deal with her problems on top of that."

"Of course I'd work with her if I had to. Hell, she can heal, right? Well, sort of. I'd just be worried she'd flip at the wrong time and screw someone over."

"No, not deliberately. She doesn't seem like the type."
[hr]
[color=8A3DFF][h3]Emma[/h3][/color] 

"Emma's the type who seems like she could make friends with anyone. Seems like she wants to, as well.
You know the drill, relaxed, friendly and considerate. The type almost no-one minds, and most people seem to like."

"It scares me."

"I'm sure she'll try and talk to me. Doesn't mean I have to go along with the conversation. Trust me, it's better for her - and I'll watch her back if it comes down to it. She's a good person, right? At least as far as I know."

"So it's better that she doesn't deal with someone like me, not directly. Being around people like that only makes it harder to stay in control I'm not hurting anyone that doesn't deserve it. Not again."

"No comment."
[hr]
[color=0095FF][h3]Grant[/h3][/color] 

"He makes me look organised. Not that I'm the queen of productivity or anything, but I at least do something with myself. I think Grant'd be pretty happy just sitting in his room for the rest of his life. Seriously lazy."

"Yeah, it gets on my nerves a bit. Life's for people to go out and live, not just sit around doing nothing. Every day in this place could be our last - Don't give me that look, you know I'm right - so I think there's something to be said for making the most of our time."

"That's different. I have reasons for avoiding people. He just seems like he can't be bothered with anything, and acts like it's a chore whenever he goes outside. I don't think I've ever seen him looking fully awake."

"Well, if I had to think, he doesn't exactly seem to like authority, or is it being looked after? That's all I got. Only time I've seen him actually react to something with any kind of energy."

[hr]
[color=red][h3]Chris[/h3][/color]

"Oh, where do I start with this one? The guy's got a stick the size of a telephone mast shoved directly up his ass. Seriously, he looks for a problem with everyone - I don't care if he likes me or not, but I am not the only one."

"Don't encourage me. I've got enough to say here, and it's all just as nice as that."

"Positives? Well, he's strong enough to be pretty helpful in a fight, I guess. I don't need to watch his back. Personality wise, at least he can keep his mouth shut sometimes. You know, seeing as if he never opened it again I'd be more than happy."

"Fine, I'll talk about something else. Let's see... From what I've seen of him, he seems to try and push people away a lot. Like he's scared of getting close or something."

"Yeah, kind of like me, but only if I was a little bitch. Feel free to tell him I said that."
[hr]
[color=cyan][h3]Sander[/h3][/color]
"Out of everyone here, I honestly feel like I don't know him at all."

"Well, he's pretty closed off, and doesn't say much. Well, nothing even close to an opinion. Friendly, I guess, but it's all surface level. He pushes people away with that, but I don't know if it's deliberate or not."

"You're right, I guess all of us do."

"I don't think we'd really get along. At least not until I see him grow a backbone instead of just bowing to everything he's told with a 'Yes sir' and a 'Thank you ma'am'. Sometimes you have to push the boundaries, instead of just playing along."

"I probably shouldn't have said that to you, huh?"
[hr]
[color=a2d9ce][h3]Callan[/h3][/color]

"Callan is an interesting one. See, I really don't mind her personality. Honesty's something we need more of around here, and she gets to the point pretty well when she has to. Doesn't feel the need to be a constant ball of energy, either."

"You're right, she's a little lazy, but she doesn't just sit around all day and it doesn't seem to stop her getting things done alright. Tries to be a good person, from what I can tell. Like I said, I don't mind her."

"Yeah, there's a but. It's the whole Dreamcatcher thing. Call me a cynic, but I'm not exactly grateful for my powers - and I don't think I'm the only one. After all, they've done a hell of a lot more harm than good. So it really gets on my nerves when she goes all defensive."

"Besides, I was never really a fan of 'heroes'. At the end of the day, you can't rely on someone else saving the day."

"Just speaking from experience."
[hr]
[color=662d91][h3]Kusari[/h3][/color] 

"Her only purpose in life must be to piss me off. Doesn't she have anything better to do than run her mouth all the time?"

"I know she's like that with everyone. Doesn't change the fact that I can't stand dealing with her, and the way she speaks... It's not just the things she says, exactly, but how she delivers them. As though she really believes everything she says."

"There's honest. I'm honest. That's different from ragging on everyone's flaws, hitting them where it hurts all the time. Not everything has to be said out loud."

"I'm the first to admit it, but we all know I've got one hell of a short fuse. It doesn't mix well."

"Worst part is, I can't exactly teach her a lesson. What am I gonna do, punch her? She'd probably just laugh in my face."
[hr]
[color=6ecff6][h3]Padma[/h3][/color]

"She always seemed like the type that'd work herself too hard to me."

"No, I appreciate a break now and then. You need to relax sometimes, or you burn yourself out a bit. Just means other people have to try and pick you back up."

"It makes you into a burden, you know?"

"Me? Nah, I'm strong enough to go it alone. I know how much I can take, alright? Just happens to be more than some of these guys can."

"Yeah, well, we never really spoke."

"No."
[hr]

[color=33ec06][h3]Marcus[/h3][/color] 

"He's not a bad guy to be around, I guess. I guess we could do with more people willing to have a laugh around here."

"Yeah, I know I'm not the comedian of the century, but that's not the point." 

"Point is, it's good to have people like that. You let everyone just sit around and mope all day, it's not long before they start giving up. It's not fun to watch."

"Of course there's a time and a place. But as long as he knows when to stop, we shouldn't have a problem."

"Never asked about them. Anything that gives you scars like that isn't gonna be a happy memory. As far as I'm concerned, he has a right to keep his secrets."
[hr]
[h3]Zoe[/h3]

"I thought we agreed this wasn't a therapy session."

"Fine. They'd do well to keep their distance from me, so I'm doing them a favour by acting out."

"It's not that I don't want friends, but - hell, you already know why. It's just easiest for everyone, means I won't do something I regret."

"Of course I care, asshole. But they have each other for that, right? Don't need a psycho like me hanging around them. Best thing I can do is protect everyone. Be the pillar, the one that doesn't need any help. I think I can be strong enough for that."

"Then I'll just have to get stronger."

[color=fff79a][h3]Hazel[/h3][/color] 

"Not meaning to be rude, she's majorly creepy. Never reacts to anything, doesn't understand how anything works. Calling whatever she's got going on a personality would be a stretch."

"No, the others aren't like that. There's a difference between being in control and [i]that[/i]."

"She doesn't annoy me. Actually, if I think about it she's pretty polite to everyone. I just don't feel right whenever she's around. Something about her just unnerves me."

"Don't know. Maybe I'm just worried about what happens when you stop pumping drugs into her system. With how she comes off, I hope no-one else is around her if it happens."

"Am I being unfair? Sorry, but that's something I'd prefer not to find out."
[hr]
[color=ff57ff][h3]Sienna[/h3][/color]

"She doesn't mean to, I think, but she gets on my nerves quickly. I can't talk to her for too long without getting annoyed." 

"Silver spoon, right? Never really wanted for anything, so there's only so much she can understand. I know it's not deliberate when she says stuff, and I try my not to take it personally, but it isn't easy."

"Stuff like that kind of hits home. Not her fault."

"I can't say I've noticed anything strange about her. Really into books, but that fits with her power and all. She has seemed a bit erratic sometimes, but I figured that's just her personality. Is it?"

"Didn't think you'd tell me."
[hr]
[color=9e0039][h3]Angelique[/h3][/color] 

"She can be a bit snappy, but I think that goes for a lot of us. Doesn't mean I won't get provoked, but I see where she's coming from in a way. If she could try not to direct it at me, it'd save everyone a headache."

"We're pretty alike, actually, from what I can tell. She doesn't seem to get into quite as much trouble as I do, but her abilities seem a bit easier to vent with than mine are. I mean, it's a lot easier to scream at a wall without hurting anyone." 

"Okay, maybe she just handles her issues better than I do. I'm not exactly the world authority on healthy coping mechanisms."

"It doesn't bother me that much. Unless it's really loud and I'm trying to sleep or something. Then it definitely bothers me."
[hr]
[color=a187be][h3]Allison[/h3][/color]

"Like I said before, I respect honesty. It's one of the few good qualities I can actually stick with, so I appreciate it in others."

"Saying that, she does mess with people a lot more than I'd like, and I'm pretty easy to get a rise out of. So that's not exactly fun. As long as it doesn't go too personal, I [i]can[/i] take a joke, though."

"Oh. That. Yeah, she can be a bit... Uncontrolled? We'll go with that. I don't want to offend your sensitive ears."

"Eh, if what I've heard is true, our St- Our issues, are quite similar. Except where I want to hurt people, she wants to, uh, do something completely different to them. Apparently. It seems rude to actually ask her, true or not."
[hr]
[color=crimson][h3]Savannah[/h3][/color] 

"And people say I need to work on keeping my cool."

"I'm just saying, if ever a kid needed to chill the fuck out then it's her. Girl'd pick a fight with her own reflection if it looked at her wrong."

"Her attitude isn't my problem. As long as she doesn't direct it at me, because if she thinks she can get away with that she's got one hell of a life lesson coming up."

"I'm four years older and a hell of a lot bigger. I wouldn't need any powers for that one."

"Nah. I know I act up, but I'm not the type to actually go around and beat up kids, am I? I'd just frighten her a bit, before she picks a fight with someone that isn't so considerate."
[hr]
[color=8493ca][h3]Christmas[/h3][/color] 

"This guy is kind of a wimp."

"Okay, he's a complete doormat. He looks terrified of everything, and he just straight-up takes whatever people decide they want to do to him. Won't retaliate, even when they deserve it, because he's just that much of a coward."

"I feel like I'd have to look out for him if someone was giving him trouble. At least I'll be able to fight back. Hope they get another healer if I get hurt helping him, though. I mean, I've got a strong stomach, but drinking blood straight from another person isn't on my bucket list."

"Fact is, I can't always watch out for him, and I'm not gonna follow him around like an overprotective mom. Sooner or later, he'll have to toughen up. If he doesn't..."

"This place'll break him."
[hr]
[color=silver][h3]Alexis[/h3][/color]
 
"She seems to think there's good in everyone. Which is an attitude I'm in two minds about."

"Well, it's as admirable as it is stupidly naive. Trying to make everyone get along is all very well, but some people are just never going to work that way." 

"No, I'm not a fan now that you ask. She's a liability, to herself and anyone that has to work with her, and sooner or later something's gonna go very, very wrong."

"What I'm saying is that her 'we can all be friends' shtick is going to get her or someone else hurt while she tries to rearrange the man-eating monsters into a goddamn prayer circle or something."

"Then again, I suppose technically there would be something good in them when she gets eaten for her hippy bullshit."

"You're right. Sorry."
[hr]
[color=gold][h3]Aaron[/h3][/color] 

"Seems a decent enough kid. My first impression was maybe he could stand to be a bit more alert, but I don't think he's too shy about speaking up. The opposite, if anything."

"We don't really talk that much."

"His attitude? Oh, you mean the 'forging ahead' thing. See, that's where we differ, and probably why we're not really buddies. It's easy enough for him to talk about letting go of the past, but some things aren't easy to just forget about."

"If he even starts with that stuff about it being a learning experience, I think I'll break his nose. Just so long as we're clear on that before I do it. I warned you guys, you can't blame me."

"No, I don't plan on actually doing it. That doesn't mean it won't happen."
[hr]
[color=B0C4DE][h3]Brent[/h3][/color]

"He's almost obsessive, to be honest. Everything's planned, it all has a purpose no matter what he's doing. Always working."

"I've just never seen someone put so much effort into anything without actually caring."

"That's just what it seems like. Like he's working hard and trying to win because it's what he's supposed to do. He thinks he's meant to be some kind of winner, I don't know. Thought you guys would have psychologists for that kind of questioning."

"Running away? Hiding something? Maybe, I guess. How about you go ask him that, instead of putting me through twenty questions on it? I'm sure he'll be much friendlier to you."

"Well, he seems that way. Always says hi and everything, you know? I can't say I mind the guy."
[hr]
[color=00a99d][h3]Ernest[/h3][/color]

"He's an example of what happens when we stop trying. Stop caring about anyone but ourselves. He's weak, and he's exactly what I don't want to be."

"The rest of us deal with our problems at least a little, but he doesn't even try. As far as I'm concerned, that makes him weak. Too weak to put anyone else first, no matter what's going on. I wouldn't trust him not to leave me to my fate if I was in trouble."

"I don't have a problem with a little selfishness. What I do have a problem with is when it hurts other people. Not just refusing to help, hurting. That's exactly what he does."

"No. If I ever became that weak... It'd mean I don't deserve anyone's help. Even if he won't help me when it comes down to it, I'm stronger than that."
[hr]
[color=BD892F][h3]Sophia[/h3][/color]

"You mean she's not mute?"

"Seriously, she's never said a word to me. Not one."

"No, that has to go past nervousness. There's a reason there, has to be. No-one is just that shy out of nowhere."

"I don't know how else to describe it. Because she doesn't really give off an antisocial vibe like some people in this place do. Really doesn't seem as though she hates us or anything..."

"It's more like she can't. Get the words out, I mean. While I'd like to try and help her with that, dealing with this kind of situation isn't exactly my strong point."
[hr]
[color=f26522][h3]Gregory[/h3][/color]

"Clinical. That's the first thing that comes to mind. Precise. Knows what he wants to do when he wants to do it, and you can tell by how he acts all the time. Reasoning behind it all, you know?"

"No, he's not like them. They push every day, take every single one separately - he seems to think bigger than that. Or something."

"Yeah, he can annoy me. If you're gonna go about hitting people with confrontation about everything, don't be surprised and get all pissy when they retaliate. Maybe if it's so irritating, he should think before he speaks."

"I'm not great at taking my own advice, no. What's your point?"

"Well, I'm not about to start up his fan club or anything. If he doesn't go putting his foot in his mouth, I can tolerate him. I'm just not sure how likely that is."
[hr]
"Just so we're clear, none of that gets back to them, alright? I have a reputation to uphold. Can't have them thinking I've gone soft or anything."

"What can I say, I'm a sweetheart. So, anything else? I do autographs. I was thinking of bringing out a line of t-shirts, maybe a novelty mug..."

"Yes, I'm joking. I don't love myself quite that much. Give it a couple of years, and I might get back to you, but right now I need my beauty sleep."
[/color][/indent][/hider]

[hider=Current feelings towards others][color=palevioletred]
[indent][color=00ffbb][h3]Lawrence[/h3][/color]

He stopped me from getting myself killed. I shouldn't resent that as much as I do, but it's tough to be rational about any of this. It should make me feel better that someone gave enough of a damn to stop me getting myself hurt, but it doesn't. Maybe it's because I'm so terrible at looking after them in return. And I snapped again, too, after all he did to try and help me. Pretty tough to do for someone that's not worth helping, I guess.

Feels like I let him down, really.

[hr]
[color=lightcoral][h3]Liliana[/h3][/color] 

We haven't really spoken since DC, but I still like the girl. She's kinda weird, but the whole amnesia thing must be pretty tough to adjust to so I'll cut her some slack there. Plus it's always useful to have a healer around. All that being said, though... well, she did save me in La Plata. From permanently crippling myself, if nothing else. In other circumstances, I'd probably be a hell of a lot more grateful for that, and even now I appreciate how willing she was to go through that for someone she'd never even spoken to. 

But I hope she doesn't save me twice.
[hr]
[color=8A3DFF][h3]Emma[/h3][/color] 

Don't think she likes me, but the feeling's pretty mutual. That's probably for the best. Although I'd be more comfortable if her summons weren't immune to my powers. I mean, I could try to argue about what she said back at the lighthouse, but I know she's right. I'm hurting the others, I'm enjoying it, I don't even know how to do anything else... 'fucking psycho' seems like a pretty accurate description. Wonder how long it'll take before they figure out it's pointless even saying all that shit to me. It's not like they ever come up with anything I haven't realised for myself.

So she can call me whatever she likes - one more insult's hardly gonna make a difference at this point.
[hr]
[color=0095FF][h3]Grant[/h3][/color] 

...
[hr]
[color=red][h3]Chris[/h3][/color]

I tried. I tried to get some kind of reason, and all he did was cry about how trying to talk out his problems was pointless. I mean, I'm not the most patient at the best of times, but [i]holy shit[/i] he's a petulant fucking baby. And he actually seems to think he's frightening as well, which is almost funny because he's so completely pathetic it's unbelievable. He doesn't even try to face up to people, he just acts like it's all everyone else's fault, crying and whining.

Well he can cry me a fucking river. At least I've had reasons for snapping that aren't just 'teach that shit not to fuck with me' - it's the most insecure middle-schooler bullshit I've ever heard. And apparently whatever happened in Ground Zero was even [i]more[/i] trivial than that? You know what, I take it back - it's not just 'almost funny', it's hilariously pathetic. There's a part of me that's weak like that, and I think that's what pisses me off most of all.

To put it simply: I can't stand this little bitch.

[hr]
[color=cyan][h3]Sander[/h3][/color]

Holy shit, that was embarrassing. If ever I wanted to erase a memory--

How drunk [i]was[/i] I? I mean, he was pretty cool to me, considering the way I acted back there, but you'd think I'd have noticed sooner. And I appreciate that he didn't, uh, go along with it. But I don't know him, and I'm more than happy to keep it that way. Considering Emma's going out with Marcus, and Ernie is [i]Ernie[/i] (ugh), poor old Sander was the only option, in the wrong place at the wrong time. As for why I was looking for any of that?

...Old habits die hard, I guess.

[hr]
[color=a2d9ce][h3]Callan[/h3][/color]

I don't get it. Even after she explained, I don't get why she's bothering to talk when I've done so much to fuck her and her friends over. But she seemed... sincere. And she's still naive, still wants to see some better way in things, still the opposite of who I am. It's probably genuine on her part. But she thought I was a murderer, that it wouldn't even bother me to kill her, and hell - she's partly right. I won't hesitate if it really does come to that. So I don't get why she won't just ignore me. She's seen the worst parts of who I am.

And she's so wrong about the things she said. I'm anything but strong. I'm so weak I almost killed someone because I can't get over shit from [i]so fucking long ago[/i]. But I didn't tell her that, maybe because I don't want anyone to know I'm weak. Maybe because I want to believe there's something worthwhile left in me.

I just don't get why it hurts so much when people think I might be worth helping.

[hr]
[color=662d91][h3]Kusari[/h3][/color] 

I'm sorry.

I warned her. I told her, not all of my Stigma, but some. That's why I told her, as a warning. Because I wanted her to stay out of my way, because I didn't want this to happen-- and I knew it would, that it was coming one way or another after what happened in the cellar. And I don't have any right to be, but there's a part of me that's pissed at her too. She - I don't know, she [i]plays[/i] with people. Pushes their buttons and pulls their strings and keeps on asking questions, but like hell does she take the answers into account. Like hell does she listen to a warning.

And in my case, it was one push too fucking far. Because I don't know how to do anything else. Because I can't get past who I used to be, how things used to be, because I'm so [i]terrified[/i] of ever being that weak again. If it hadn't been for the water, maybe it would have been fine, can't know now. I thought I was getting better, but what happened... showed me I can't afford to let my guard down. That I'll never be a safe person to have around.

I'm sorry for how weak I turned out to be.

[hr]
[color=6ecff6][h3]Padma[/h3][/color]

I didn't know her. I never will.

[hr]
[color=33ec06][h3]Marcus[/h3][/color] 

Could've probably gone about that better, but I think I... kind of fixed things? Not as well as I could have, and I definitely screwed it up, but something's better than nothing. The whole thing, the lighthouse and that half-assed apology, all seems like more evidence that I'm kinda shitty. Still, he said he planned on protecting people, and I think I believe that. If I'm only able to hurt people, it's good to think there's someone trying to keep them alive - god knows I can't manage to do that. That seems to extend to me, too, even after everything. He wasn't willing to say he'd walk away, and I don't know how to feel about that.

We might not see eye-to-eye, but it's good to know where he stands if nothing else.
[hr]
[h3]Zoe[/h3]

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep seeing them dead, liking it, living with the weight of everything I've done - what the fuck's wrong with me? I just can't seem to treat people right, to actually act like a normal fucking person for once in my life, and every time I [i]try[/i] it's like things just don't come together. Maybe I'm just not able to be kind. There's something broken, some crossed wire in my head. Keep on lashing out, hurting people... and then I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I know sorry doesn't fix anything. I know better than anyone that sorry doesn't fix anything.

But it's like I can't stop, like I don't know how to stop. No matter how much I hurt, how much pain I go through, how many conversations I go into with good intentions, I can't make anything right. And I've tried, tried so fucking hard, and it just doesn't work. Because I'm a coward, deep down, a scared little girl that doesn't know how to let go of the past. How to forgive it - like I deserve any forgiveness. I hurt so many people and I think I'm gonna hurt more and I'm so scared.

To tell the truth, part of me's jealous of the others. Because I really wish I wasn't like this, you know? But hurting's the only thing I ever got from anyone, right up until I was strong enough to break out on my own. To protect people, to shield them, to be the person they can rely on and knows what to do. The rest of me's still there, but I'm so scared to let anyone in. I don't want to admit how pathetic I really am. So I keep on faking it while I feel myself falling apart.

Fuck, I just want this to be over.

[hr]
[color=fff79a][h3]Hazel[/h3][/color] 

Okay, honestly, she's fucking weird. I'm not gonna talk about the fight, because I've not really got room to judge anyone there, but just going off of the way she acts? Almost completely emotionless, just makes a judgement based on whatever logic is going on in her brain. It doesn't even seem like she doesn't [i]care[/i], it's more like she doesn't understand. Like whatever that collar does to her's stopped her from knowing how to, uh, 'people'. It's screwed up.
[hr]
[color=ff57ff][h3]Siena[/h3][/color]

Part of me's worried at how [i]unworried[/i] she is by me. There's stuff in that conversation that I think most people would've questioned, would have confronted me about-- but she didn't. Hell, I almost get the feeling that she wanted a shot at questioning the guy I captured for herself; not the same way I wanted it, I don't think, but... I don't know. There's something dangerous about her, and I'm not sure whether to try and encourage or discourage it. In the end, that doesn't seem like a choice for me to make.

I trust her, though, despite everything. I trust her and she's smart enough to think things through better than I can. Most of the time, anyway. That's why I looked for her in the first place, why I told her about everything, why I asked her for help. From what I can tell, she kept it quiet like I asked. Doesn't seem to be scared of me either, which helps with some things, but I can't keep from wondering how long that'll last. And I can't help feeling maybe it'd be safer if she was.

[hr]
[color=9e0039][h3]Angelique[/h3][/color] 

I didn't mean for things to go this way. Maybe there's more I could have done to stop what happened, maybe not; but there's so much more I could have done afterwards. So many decisions I could've made a little smarter, done a little better. And now, intentional or not, I've put everyone's lives on the line for her. Used to wonder what I was capable of doing for the sake of a friend, and it turns out it's a lot worse than most decent people would. Throwing everyone back into hell for the sake of my personal goals.

And even knowing what I'm about to put everyone through... to get a friend back alive, I'd make the same choice a thousand times.

[hr]
[color=a187be][h3]Allison[/h3][/color]

She's so wrong about me it's unbelievable. I saw how upset she was about all this, how desperate she is to believe Angel's alive - and I just [i]stood there[/i] without saying a word. What a good friend, right? Heartless bitch, more like. Still, she'll figure it out soon enough; I'm going to tell them everything, after all. It's probably better that she sees I'm terrible anyway and maybe this time'll be enough for her to really figure it out. So it's probably selfish that I can't stop worrying about that. Funny, though. I decided not to tell her because I didn't want her running off to get killed, and then I went and got us all signed up for the chopping block. Accidentally, but the end result matters a whole lot more than the intentions.

Least things'll be easier for her without me once she realises what a hypocrite I am.

[hr]
[color=crimson][h3]Savannah[/h3][/color] 

I'm surprised everyone gives that much of a shit about her. People die. If everyone's sitting around blaming themselves, they're just wasting their time - at least, they are if they're not doing anything to fix it. Make sure it doesn't happen again.

...Guess I'm one to talk about repeating mistakes, though.

[hr]
[color=8493ca][h3]Christmas[/h3][/color] 

Wonder if he was okay, after the fight. Physically, I mean. The kid doesn't seem mentally okay anyway, but even then it was strange. Something was with them out there, him and Ernie - They wouldn't tell me anything, and I doubt he'd talk to me properly if I tried to ask. After all, he saw me being... Me, I guess. Don't know how to describe it. In any case, he didn't speak up - But I think I'd have to rip [i]his[/i] ear off before he would. I should've done a better job of looking after him, though. Should've been the one taking the knife. Lucky he didn't get killed.

[hr]
[color=silver][h3]Alexis[/h3][/color]

'It didn't have to happen'. I've thought that phrase way too many times since that first fight. Cracked skull, right? First dead person I saw here - not the goriest I've ever come across, but not great. Still, I didn't know her, and that's probably for the best.

Doesn't mean the memory's not clear as day.
[hr]
[color=gold][h3]Aaron[/h3][/color] 

Fracture, huh? At least, that's my best guess. Didn't tell us 'cause they didn't wanna freak us out - although I'm guessing they lost him somehow. Not like they took more than one of us from the island. Part of me's disappointed I didn't get to see whatever happened to him. That's kind of fucked up, isn't it?

Whatever they did with him, I'll make sure he's the only one.

[hr]
[color=B0C4DE][h3]Brent[/h3][/color]

He shouldn't have dragged the rest of them into it. It's not his fault what I did, but I don't appreciate being overridden. When I tell someone I have my limits, I fucking mean it - if he'd just listened and taken the damn shot, Allison and I could've destroyed the slime before anything else went wrong. It all worked out okay this time, but if he tries that shit again then I'm telling him to go fuck himself. Sure, it's good that he stopped me before I did anything serious, but still, none of it had to happen in the first place.

When it comes to what's going on in my head, he doesn't know nearly as much as he thinks he does. But then, he's an arbiter. I don't know why I expected anything more.
[hr]
[color=00a99d][h3]Ernest[/h3][/color]

I think I'm starting to not mind Ernie, which is strange. We're not friends, and we definitely don't hang out, but I don't feel all that hostile towards the guy. Although I don't think we see eye-to-eye on the whole cleaning issue - this week's probably not made the best impression with his neat freak tendencies. For what it's worth, though, I [i]tried[/i] to give him advice. Just 'cause I'm not some kind of genius, doesn't mean I can't try and say something smart occasionally.

Don't know how much he'll have taken on board, though. Still don't think he's all that brave when you get down to it - seems kinda worried that I'll bust him for the whole thing with David, even after I said I'd take the heat. Not my style, though. I prefer not to break my word. Hopefully I helped the guy figure out what he was worried about - at least a little.

And hey, at least I got free cake out of it.

[hr]
[color=BD892F][h3]Sophia[/h3][/color]

...
[hr]
[color=f26522][h3]Gregory[/h3][/color]

Dead. Just like the others, dead because the Amigos were too strong for us. I don't care enough to bother grieving for him - grieving's kind of a sick experience for me anyway nowadays. I try not to reflect on stuff like that, better to just bury it like all the rest. As for all the ways he could have died... I try not to think about that, too. If only that meant I always succeeded.
[hr][/indent][/color][/hider]

[hider=Familiar nightmares (Zoe's Stigma)][color=palevioletred]

[center][i]This is me, right?
I hate it so much, I'm so scared...
And I still want it so much more than words can say.[/i][/center]
[indent][hr][color=00ffbb][h3]Lawrence[/h3][/color]

He was pretty close when he stopped me from running, wasn't he? Everyone was so panicked, so distracted, they might not have even noticed it starting, if his insides were slowly reduced and melted away - and then they would have, wouldn't they? They'd have screamed and panicked and fought, but they wouldn't have been fast enough. I know they wouldn't have been fast enough, because I can [i]hear[/i] how he'd scream.

Feel the pain as I'm knocked down by any number of powers, as blood rushes and spills across the floor from gaping wounds that are just too much to heal quickly enough, and it's only seconds but it feels like forever doesn't it? Or maybe, maybe I just want it to be forever, maybe that's what I want things to be. Pain and bliss, agony and ecstasy, mixed and bubbling and burning me away. Sometimes I start on the others too, they're so close, so many, so tightly packed--

More voices join his in the screaming, an indistinct choir of agony.

And fuck, it's the best sound in the world.
[hr]
[color=lightcoral][h3]Liliana[/h3][/color] 

I wonder, sometimes, what would happen if I made her watch. One of the others, someone she considers a friend - after all, she's pretty eager to take on injuries for herself, from what I've seen. So how far does that push, how much can I make her take before she loses it? An interesting question... tantalising, even. It wouldn't even have to kill her at the end of the day. It's about reaching the edge, not pushing anyone over it.

And it would be useful to know how much she's willing to endure. With or without a little encouragement.
[hr]
[color=8A3DFF][h3]Emma[/h3][/color] 

She's right about me. I don't think she realises just how right, but that makes the thought of proving it all the more satisfying. Pretty difficult to stay all high-and-mighty when you're slowly melting away. Piece by piece - taking it slowly. But honestly, I wouldn't stick around for this one. Not because I wouldn't want to watch her slowly fall apart, but because it's more satisfying to let the effect work on its own, feel the rush continue even when I'm gone.

To show her that she isn't even worth my time.
[hr]
[color=0095FF][h3]Grant[/h3][/color] 

...
[hr]
[color=red][h3]Chris[/h3][/color]

He transforms, doesn't he? And when it fades, he seems to be healed, whole once he's back as a person. That just presents... so many possibilities for me. Take off his wings, his legs... and I could go so far, so far until he was forced to change back for his own safety. Split open his skin, leave it to peel off section by section, burn out his eyes, melt his gums and watch his teeth fall into his own mouth, reduce him until he was completely helpless and keep going until he's nothing.

And even after all that, I have him to deal with. The human. So pathetic, so self-important, so [i]utterly fucking childish[/i]. If he wants to cry, that means I can give him something to really scream over. He's so desperate to hold onto his suffering, to pretend that he's somehow special in all of this, and it's beautiful to show him how very wrong that is. Everyone has a breaking point. I take it slow once he can't run. Once his bones are rotted away and his limbs lie limp and useless, I take it so, so slowly. But I don't kill him, no. I don't kill him for a long time.

Not until I get to hear him [b]beg[/b].
[hr]
[color=cyan][h3]Sander[/h3][/color]

I don't know much about him, really. It limits my imagination in an irritating way, stops the images from having any kind of personal touch - but I don't think I could take my time for this one either way. After all, he's invincible after a while. So I'd make it fast, make it simple, and above all else quick. The moment he let his guard down, It'd be quick. Removing everything I could reach, and then once he was nothing but the most vital parts of himself...

I guess then it's off with his head.
[hr]
[color=a2d9ce][h3]Callan[/h3][/color]

Trusting. Naive. So very breakable. Forgiveness? I [i]know[/i] how forgiveness ends, how it always ends, but maybe she doesn't and that's okay! No better way to learn than being part of a demonstration, after all. Practical. She thinks I can beat this, that I'm strong enough to do that--

No no I'm not at all, am I, not even close to it. Falling further, falling faster... but there'd be no better way to prove her wrong. I'm not even breaking a promise if I hurt her enough beforehand, that's the beauty of it. Because I'm sure that thing will come out, try to tear me to shreds or strike me down, and then I'm only doing what she asked me to. Fulfilling a duty, showing her just how strong I can be. Or maybe it's showing her just how weak I really am.

Of course, that's less fun. But if I hurt her enough, fuck her up enough, maybe she'll have to struggle with her control just like I do. No escape, no respite, no relaxation-- fighting it every single day. Then she'll know what a lost cause it is trying to help me.
[hr]
[color=662d91][h3]Kusari[/h3][/color] 

It's a memory now, isn't it? I can still remember every part of that moment, but it's almost unreal at the same time. The terror that caused it seems dull and muted, and in comparison her pain is bright and [i]fucking delicious[/i] as every nerve burns away and regrows and burns again. And there's something real about it, utterly real, none of the strangeness that comes with the others-- the pleasure of the whole thing is almost visceral by comparison.

The kind of high that people spend their whole lives chasing. I don't know how many times I've seen it since I got back. But it's always just so good. So unbelievably good. Haven't seen her since that happened, don't think I want to, because I know I'll want that feeling again. I'm trying to describe it but it's beyond words, into the depths of something primal and rabid and animal instead. Kill her. Kill her, and then bring her back just so I can do it again. I tell myself it's disgusting, utterly inhuman; hell, I've been sick a couple of times when I come back to myself once the whole thing's done.

But no matter how hard I try I can't stop myself from [i]wanting[/i].

[hr]
[color=33ec06][h3]Marcus[/h3][/color] 

Wouldn't promise not to save me, wouldn't promise to walk away. It's not something I think I can understand, but that's fine, right? Just means I have to make sure it's impossible. The scenario's the same as before, tendons snapped and ligaments melted away so he can't run anywhere. So he has to struggle to move anywhere, desperately fighting and unable to stand. Except now he can't help anyone either, can't help me, can't decide that I have to make it out alive.

I normally die in these ones, one way or another. Hurting him feels good, but that doesn't. Not as much, anyway.
[hr]
[h3]Zoe[/h3]

More and more. Temptation after temptation. How can I put that into words? How could I ever explain why things are this way? How I'm so scared, so disgusted, so horrified - and how you still can't resist that self-indulgent bliss? It's easy to think I should just get it over with and tell them, there's nothing [i]stopping[/i] me. Tell them I fantasise about tearing them to shreds, tell them I've enjoyed everything I've done to such a sick extent.

That I've never been some strong warrior, some determined hero, some suffering soldier-- fucking look at what I've turned into. I'm a monster. A freak. A subnatural. A psychopath that gets off on her own diseased fucking rampages. The most pathetic specimen that anyone's ever shit out onto this broken little excuse for a planet, whose only claim to fame is ruining the life of everyone she ever came across.

Isn't it selfish of me to even want help? Or is it more selfish to hold back from that because I'm scared of what they'll think when they learn how deep that sickness goes? I don't know if I can face them knowing how depraved and disgusting I really am. And even if I'm ever brave enough, I know there's nothing they could ever do to help.

Besides, it's not like I've never lashed out before. Maybe some of this is just me.

[hr]
[color=fff79a][h3]Hazel[/h3][/color] 

I wonder what it would take to make her react like a person. To break through whatever robotic fucking haze she's got going on and make her do something [i]human[/i] and feral. This one's odd - I don't know if she'd understand what was happening when I plucked out her eyes or made her hands disintegrate into nothingness, and that makes the whole thing lose its appeal.

It's better when they know what's happening, what I'm doing, who's doing it. It's [i]personal[/i], not clinical and detached like she is. That's just boring. It's easy enough to ignore this one, because the pain just wouldn't stick out like it does with the others.

[hr]
[color=ff57ff][h3]Siena[/h3][/color]

Unpredictable, that's what I said. And I'm starting to think she's dangerous too. There's a mask there, a disguise, even if I didn't realise it before. There are... so many things that could lie under that, and I [i]want[/i] to know. So I reach up, and I tear away the surface, pulling the skin from her face. There's a kind of resistance, a stickiness as I try to tear it away, and the resistance makes it feel so real; the stench of blood and rot hitting me in a single moment.

There are layers to work through, layers upon layers of skin and muscle and eventually I reach bone. She's dead by then of course, but I don't stop, don't stop peeling everything away until there's only dust left. Until there's nothing left of whatever mask she's been hiding behind, and I see what remains. But there's nothing, and I'm sorry, and I just can't help but [i]laugh[/i]. Whatever she's hiding, whatever isn't there for me to see... none of it's going to be left once I'm done. Who knows, maybe I'll even get to see what that danger [i]was[/i].
[hr]
[color=9e0039][h3]Angelique[/h3][/color] 

She's my friend. The singer, and so fond of making speeches, of trying to speak up, of trusting in me when it's all just [i]bullshit[/i]. Every time she's there, every time she's helpful, I imagine it. When she smiles, I imagine digging my hands into her throat - slowly, oh-so-slowly, once her vocal chords are destroyed. There's a look on her face, fury, betrayal, but she's helpless. Helpless against everything I'm doing.

It's her lungs that do it. Slowly, precisely, ripping away the inside, ever-so [b]careful[/b] because I wouldn't want to do it too fast. She wants to scream, but it doesn't do anything, and that's when I let her go. Blood bubbling up in her throat, spilling from her mouth, as she spasms and flails and chokes. There's so much pain, I can feel it in the air, with every nerve, with every fibre of my being and it's indescribable. It's... incredible.

Then I blink, and she's sitting next to me again without a care in the world. Believing I can change.

And all I want to do is vomit.
[hr]
[color=a187be][h3]Allison[/h3][/color]

So forgiving, isn't she? Naive. An easy opportunity. Still, without my powers, I couldn't hurt her the way I would the rest. Not rotting, not melting, nothing that easy and effortless. But I'm stronger than her, so it's be a simple matter. The moment she tries to reach out, I knock her down, pinning her - then I grab her arm, force it to bend as far as it can and then further still until the joints tear and bones shatter.

The feeling itself isn't remarkable on its own, even if it's so satisfying to feel everything finally give. It's the [i]sound[/i] that makes it, as tendons snap and bones crunch. A very particular sound, a mixture of a crack, loud and painful as bone breaks and shifts and grinds, and a pop as everything comes out of place - then the agony hits, fractions of a second after, and the screaming replaces it. Music. And it continues, adding to the symphony as it reaches new heights with every snap and pop and [i]break[/i].

She passes out, eventually, and I stamp her face into the concrete until she never wakes up again. Dead, dead without even knowing a thing about Angel's fate. Or sometimes I tell her, and she dies struggling with that hope, desperate to see her just one last time. It's tragic either way. And really fucking cruel of me.

Wonder how forgiving she'd be if she knew about that.
[hr]
[color=8493ca][h3]Christmas[/h3][/color] 

...
[hr]
[color=B0C4DE][h3]Brent[/h3][/color]

He thinks he knows, thinks he understands even a little of this, of me. So arrogant, so [i]fucking[/i] arrogant. No, he doesn't understand the complete and utter loss of control and the bliss that comes with it-- he never could. It was naive to think he'd ever get how far this feeling goes, but we're nothing alike. This one isn't as precise as the others, isn't as methodical.

It's an animal thing, tearing off chunks and pieces and tossing them aside carelessly. Sometimes he'll die quickly, sometimes he'll live a while, but I don't pay any attention to it. It doesn't matter how much he suffers, even if every rip and tear sends shivers down my spine; what matters is that I'm not in control, that he sees how different we truly are. No thoughts, no decisions, as I let myself be a spectator in his grisly demise.

I don't even bother to wash the blood from my hands.

[hr]
[color=00a99d][h3]Ernest[/h3][/color]

Still thinking about David... it's a shared experience, the first time I really got to have some fun with someone around here. Fond memories, on my part, and when it's Ernie's turn on the chopping block I bring them all back full-force. There's nothing too complicated about the first parts, a thumb drawn down the face, an ear torn free and tossed aside. It's fun seeing how he reacts to all the blood, the uncleanliness of it all as I smear it across his face.

We put out his eyes, too, as I remember it. I'm guessing bleach doesn't work on his durability, but my powers are a good compromise, a thumb dragged across agonisingly slowly until he's completely and utterly blind. 'Course, I'm not cleaning any of this up - it's more fun to let him panic from being covered in his own blood, considering all the clean-freak shit. Even more fun to watch him try and keep it together through all of it.

There's no need for him to worry, though; I'll keep his secrets once he's finished, if nothing else.

[hr]
[color=BD892F][h3]Sophia[/h3][/color]

...
[hr]
[color=white][h3]Others[/h3][/color]

They're only memories, once they die. Beautiful, horrifying memories of broken bone and spattered viscera, but my imagination doesn't add much to it. Merciful, right? Ha. Might sound that way, but like hell it is - because the memories feel so much better than anything else ever could. I can't explain this to anyone, not properly, not [i]really[/i] showing what's happening in my head.

How do you tell someone that their dead friends are your goddamn fantasy material? Even if I don't have a choice about what I feel, what I see-- they already think I'm sick enough. Maybe they want to know, some of them, what drives me to do the things I do, but...

I can't help but think that it's better that they don't. But I'm starting to wish I could tell them anyway.
[/indent][/color][/hider]