YOU HEATHENS IT'S THIEF!

Anyway,

Professional Vampire Ranchers are rustlin' their herd of thralls when they run into trouble in the middle of a spooky village. Chinese Gandalf, his ranch hands, and his brother, Emo Chinese Tony Stark, have no choice but to fight their way out with Kung Fu, soul gems, and the piss of a virgin child. Somewhere along the line, after the cowboys successfully bring their herd to a place where they can rest in peace, Gandalf's brother releases a certain dead historical figure from his stony grave (A mix between Sauron and Darth Vader, whose kung fu is too powerful even for Emo Chinese Tony Stark.) and Chinese Gandalf's eldest ranch hand falls in love with Emo Chinese Tony Stark's sister/ranch hand/student/it was never made clear to me.

Not only is it a poor description, it's the only description I can give because I have a rough idea of what they're doing and no understanding of Mandarin.


[hider=Hints]

[hider=Unhelpful hint]
The vampires are Jiangshi, and there aren't actually cowboys. A taoist priest bringing jiangshi home for burial is just part of Jiangshi exorcism.
[/hider]


[hider=Sort of helpful hint that gives it away in conjunction with the other hint]
Chinese Gandalf is a powerful taoist priest as portrayed by Gordon Liu.
[/hider]

[hider=Much more helpful hint that gives it away if you google it, especially if you look at the filmography of the guy mentioned in hint #2]
It takes its name from a cult horror franchise by Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell.
[/hider]

[/hider]