[@13org]

If what you’re asking is what can you do to make things easier to read, I suppose I can answer that— but do not take the following assessment as a harsh critique, because it isn’t one. [img]http://i.imgur.com/CWkmLCq.png?2[/img]

The biggest thing to remember about writing is to keep things concise, cohesive, and [i]fluid[/i]. In the sense of one of the posts you gave as generic examples, I’ll reformat it so you can see what I am sort of talking about. This means be consistent in your tense and get across your idea so it is accessible to read without confusion or contradiction. Ultimately the biggest thing to keep in mind is to know when to break your paragraphs and when to not— for example, a lot of things in the following example run through motions and then the line break is only done once instead of twice which results in a condensing that isn’t necessary when both ideas are two different actions, reflections, or points. 

[hider=Hider][hr][color=9e0b0f][center][h2]Emmerich Jaeger[/h2][/center]
[/color]

"[color=a187be]I suppose it is only fair that you should know my name after sharing your own, but that doesn't make us friends... Understand? It's Avalon, Avalon Shire.[/color]"

[color=9e0b0f]"Mein fraulein..."[/color] He said, while his rapier slashed another gnome, spilling some of his blood on her face.

[color=9e0b0f]"Vee are already more zan zat, and you know it."[/color] He said, gently wiping the blood of her face.

[color=9e0b0f]"Its hard to find someone who you can fight like zis, trust bos your mind and body, trust on zeir abilities, open yourself to zem."[/color] He continued, as he held her closer to him.

[color=9e0b0f]"In such a short time, vee not only know how each ozer sinks, but how vee vill move or act."
[/color] As he continued talking, the dance started to get even more complex, with graceful circular movements as Emmerich held Avalon closer to him, without taking his eyes off her, his presence was intoxicating, she could feel his eyes on hers, behind the mask.

[color=9e0b0f]"Zee bond zat connect us vas forged by zee fire of zee fight, and not by words alone. You, mein liebling, is zee only hunter here who I vould trust bos my life and body. Mein schatz, you are zee only one here zat I vould blindly trust."[/color]

[color=9e0b0f]"So, no... Vee are not friends. If friends did vat vee are doink right now, zey vould be dead by zeir own hands."[/color] He said, as with a flicker of his hands, his blade coiled around them, enveloping them in a deadly spiral, deflecting the incoming blows the nearby gnomes threw at them.

[color=9e0b0f]"Avalon, mein perle..."[/color] He said, grabbing her waist and spinning her around, her scythe slicing the nearby gnomes.

[color=9e0b0f]"Mein vonderful schatz."[/color] He said as he finished their dance, just as the great wolf started barking to a wounded hunter

"[color=a187be]Leo?[/color]" 

She called for it.

[color=9e0b0f]"Zis night vas by far zee most enjoyable night I had in my entire night."[/color] He said, as he slowly and gently let go of her hands, walking away. 

[color=fff8dc]"THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE, KILL THE LINCHPIN!"[/color]

[color=9e0b0f]"If you decide to meet me again, don't be konfused or alarmed. I promise I vill tell you mein sekrets."[/color]

[color=f26522]"You heard him hunters! The one in the middle!"[/color]

[color=9e0b0f]"For now, farevell, beautiful Avalon."[/color] Emmerich said with a performance bow, formally finishing his dance, jumping back as a firebomb exploded near him, making him disappear in the middle of the fire.

As the bomb exploded, Emmerich was caught by surprise as he fell in the middle of the fire.

[color=9e0b0f]"Ach... Zat vas unfortunate..." [/color] He mumbled to himself whilst quickly twisting his body to get out of the flames, quickly putting the fire out with his right hand burning.

Turning his face to look where the other hunters pointed, he saw nothing, just a bunch of gnomes on fire.

"Vere is..." He said as he got interrupted by a loud screech. Avalon's wolf started to bark and snarl furiously.

Emmerich looked to the wounded hunter just in time to hear it and witness them changing into a creature in front of his eyes.

"The girl who tosses flames... she thinks to underestimate us. I want her dead."

Emmerich grabbed his crossbow, using both hands to aim it, wielding the rapier under it. He was a good distance away from the hunter that was transforming itself on a creature. This one wasn't just a common gnome. Apparently this one could change bodies to the ones who were wounded.

Letting out a powerful shot, he aimed to the creature's head, trying to kill it before the transformation was complete.

The unique, golden bolt flew through the battlefield, whistling in the creature's direction.

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Hope that is helpful.