[@Rtron][@chayden13]

here are the two reviews you've been waiting for.
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Those rings. It is physically impossible to fuse metal to skin. It is also a terribly inefficient way of reducing someone’s dexterity. If the image is anything to go by, those hands are wrapped in cloth and she’s got a set of vicious-looking brass knuckles in them.

[b]Suggestion:[/b] If you desire to keep her hands disabled somehow and want to make them actually work for punching… Have the cloth wraps also be there, and that they are at least as well-attached to her arms as the rings. Then have them be a sort of armorweave, which will provide enough extra durability to ensure that her finger bones do not break if she punches something.

If you make the suggested change, you will probably need to fix a little towards the end of the bio.

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Considering that pigs don’t exist in SW, the joking on “oink” is breaking the 4th wall. Even more so than that trap thing in Sish’s sheet.
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[quote=Chayden13][b]How do you keep yourself calm in captivity? How do you keep your will to escape strong?[/b]
I rely on the Force to keep myself calm during captivity. I spend the majority of my time meditating, trying as best as I can to maintain control over myself through the Force by allowing it to flow through me and allowing myself to become one with it. However, occasionally this control will break, especially after a particularly gruesome form of torture from my captors. In this case I will go mad with rage, screaming at the top of my lungs for hours and fighting like a rabid animal to escape or at the very least, land a hit upon my captors.

[b]How well do you hold up under pressure? Do you have a high pain threshold?[/b]
I do have a strong threshold for pain. By connecting myself with the Force, I fade away from my body, feeling the very currents of life itself that makes up the galaxy. By doing this, I am able to escape, or at the very least, ignore, the physical pain to my body, though sometimes it is too much and so breaks my concentration. [/quote]

These two sections don’t add up.
The first one says that particularly harsh torture will break his control.
The second section says that he can sort-of detach from his body, ignoring physical pain.

Separately, each of these are insignificant, together, they leave him with a powerful advantage over all others. As such, they will need editing to remove that advantage.

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We’re also rather curious about exactly how this ability to detach fits into the Force. It does not quite fit any of the Force powers we know of, yet takes elements from several. The closest thing to detaching we can immediately think of is meditation. However, meditation tends not to work all that well when torture enters the picture.

The only ability we know of that truly allows a Force User to ignore pain is Crucitorn. With that power, a Force User can transform one sense into another, increasing input from one while reducing it from another. Including pain. However, that does not fit with the description either.

Could you clarify exactly what the ability is, or alternatively, replace it?

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[b]The force is your ally. How do you use it?[/b]
This section does not only concern how he uses the Force, but also the various Force “Powers” he has learned how to use, as well as his skill level with them. 

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There is a moment in the bio, where the Jedi show up and he is awestruck by them. This is alright, but what did he think of the Sith who were there all along? They take to the field of battle just as often as the Jedi, and they are just as unstoppable and awe inspiring.

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You vaguely mention his brother in the section about encountering members of the Strike Team / Rescuers. However, we can’t seem to see him mentioned in more than two other places. There’s nothing about him leaving before Corr, nor mention of how he ended up in the strike team. Is his brother Force Sensitive? If yes, how is it Corr wasn’t picked up earlier?
If not, why is one brother relatively powerful and the other a dud? It can happen for two siblings to be somewhat different as force-sensitivity goes, but it is extremely unusual for two full siblings to be at opposite ends of the scale.

We can see two easy solutions…
[list][*]One is that they are not full siblings. That way, the Force Sensitivity could come from the parent that isn’t shared.
[*]The other is that they are both Force Sensitive. They probably would not be too different in level of Force Sensitivity, but they can have some difference. Corr would probably not be quite so powerful if his brother has almost zero sensitivity.
His brother could’ve not been chosen as a padawan and ended up with three choices:
[list][*]Service Corps
[*]joining the republic military
[*]Prison[/list]
The reason for the last is that at this point in the war, the Jedi Order dared not leave untrained force sensitives to roam freely, as the sith might capture them and use them against the republic. Thus, imprisonment.[/list]

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[b]What do you think your character is doing in a few IC months?[/b]
This section is about what you want to achieve with your character in the IC. What sort of stories you want to explore there. It is worded a little oddly, but that’s what it means. 
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