[@DepressedSoviet] Actually, here's a thought: he can be Dale Dimmadome, son of Doug Dimmadome, owner of the Dimmsdale Dimmadome, amongst other Dimmsdale Dimmadome Dimmporate Dimmaproducts, such as the Dimmadelphia Dimmalite Network, the Dimmsdale Dimmahogs, and Dimmadome Dimmacres, where the Dimmadecrepit come to Dimmadie, twinned with the Dimmadome Dimmbalming Dimmacility where the Dimmadeceased come to be sent on their Dimmaway. Don't forget to try our Dimmsdale Dimmacones, with cream sourced fresh from our Dimmadome-sized Dimmacattle! You'll be saying "Dimmadamn!" at how good they taste!

And he'll still be super Texan, so there's that.