[@vesuvius00][@phoenixWhite][@demonic Angel]

Ashmir
[list][*]We would’ve liked to have more of the known flaws listed in the flaws section, but its a minor thing, really. Approved, we say. Approved.[/list]

Shiri
[list][*]Pyrokinesis - Power not approved. Following GM discussion, it has been determined that it will not be approved either. Would you please remove the two references to that power?
[*]Training in Force Stealth is usually done by a skilled practitioner, rather than a holocron, due to the restrictions on it in the Jedi Order. [color=#dd3333](this is not an objection to her having the power, mind you. That bit is already approved.)[/color]
[*]A month is a bit too long for the announcement to be delayed. A week tops is more plausible. [color=#dd3333](just replace “month” in that section with “week”. Quick, easy change.)[/color]
[*]Nice, long list of flaws.[/list]

Talon
[list][*]First of all, to help lingual improvement, we’ll point out those grammar mistakes we’ve noticed:
[list][*][color=#dd3333]“Appearence” → appearance[/color]
[*][color=#dd3333]Specially made → custom-design[/color]
[*]“Instead of a shirt the teenager like to wear a vest”    [color=#dd3333]like → likes[/color]
[*]“The less that’s able to be snagged”    [color=#dd3333]that’s → that is[/color]
[*]“now inside the cell I will use to help steal important things from the guards.”    [color=#dd3333]I will use to → I will use it to[/color]
[*]“Guess the woman thought it was best to place the best one into the fire then the potential amateur messing everything up”    [color=#dd3333]then → than[/color]
[*][color=#dd3333]Nar shadda → Nar Shaddaa[/color]
[*]For flow, it is recommended that small numbers are spelled out, rather than using numerals.
[*]“They seemed to understand and nodded as a response allowing me to leave from their sights for now.”
[color=#dd3333]leave from their sights → leave their sight[/color]
[*]Some uncapitalized uses of the personal pronoun “i”.
[*]“Though when the woman’s sassy personality peek through the shadows”    [color=#dd3333]peek → peeks[/color]
[*]“With the combined stubbornness of my pc’s as well as”    [color=#dd3333]pc’s → PC[/color]
[*]At least one instance of double space between words.
[*]Plural form of Jedi is Jedi. Its a funny word like that. Same goes for Sith.[/list]

These errors should all be quick fixes.
[color=#333333]'
'[/color]
[*]When using the metric system to show things like the height/weight of an individual, there is no need for more than one decimal space.
[*]Scars like the ones you describe would most likely be more visible on a being without fur, though it could be noted that at least on humans, hairs growing in such places can at times have differing color. Just a thought, not something that [i]must[/i] be changed.
[*]The descriptions of individual force powers seem to be based on her time as a jedi only, yet the paragraph above that implies she used the force prior to that too. It might not have been refined back then, but it was still used.
It appears you do not fully understand what tutaminis is. Look [url=https://docs.google.com/document/d/108ZL7uA-P48vL8Rb_gc89xkuMVo93bHrnUd7K242Uso/edit#bookmark=id.fom6nuhiqklu]here[/url] for more details about that. And/or ask Ellri/Echo in the chat.
[*]The Jedi not using the Force much is nonsense. The Jedi use the Force just as much as the Sith do. Its [i]how[/i] and [i]why[/i] that differs, not [i]how much[/i]. [color=#dd3333](3rd last bio para)[/color]
[*]For early-level lightsaber training, the Jedi Order provides training sabers. These have strengthened containment fields, Something that renders them non-lethal. They still sting somewhat and burn a little when exposure to blade is prolonged, but they do not cut off any body parts.
[*]You’ve worked in numerous other flaws throughout the sheet. We’d really appreciate seeing some of them listed. For example, how she is rather naïve at times [color=#dd3333](which resulted in things like the “blood traitor” stuff.)[/color]
[*]“Personally I would like to give her captor to chase from the younglings area”    [color=#dd3333]her captor to → her captor a chance to[/color][/list]